I beat you home

Where we went sour, where we found our final hour

That is where my heart still lies, that is where my soul still tries.

The blanket where we lain, is tethered to me like an everlasting chain.

The place I now behold, is dark and so very cold.

Bloody walls strewn with death, I long the sleeping sound of your breathe.

So far away from where we lived in life, now I fight for the sake of others' strife.

But I've found myself now at our door, hoping to have my life restored.

My fingers trembled when we first met, and now at a loss they continue to fret.

I look around to remember joyous things, but miss my chance when my heart begins to swing.

I turn around and continue walking til i'm in the street, and that is where our eyes begin to meet.

The letters in my hand now on the ground, time stops as my feet are now bound.

My eyes are fixed, locked, grasped, chained, tied to your gaze.

I stand in silence waiting for words, but all I hear is the sound of chirping birds.

You draw closer to a distance that sets my heart aflame, I cannot fathom your beauty though you still look the same.

I feel my legs giving out despite my strength, as you continue walking closing our length.

Then I see your eyes are filled with tears, longing from all these long lost years.

I smile at you with a grin that hurts, you return the favor with a giggle that flirts.

We embrace each other and both near have a  heart attack, you're home from work, and I'm back from Iraq.

Reviews

[Micheal Abraham]

This was a good piece lots of meaning it exuded emotions nice job

[Karleem Johnson]

Very nice, could use some work but very nice

[Sami Khalil]

A wonderful rhyming poem. Very nice imagery too...Bravo....................

[Patrick Gerlits]

I really dig this poem.

It isn't imagery so much as an idea. Really, this poem takes the form of an tremendous noun...persons, places and things (ideas). I really got into the idea that this poem had to offer. A long lost love, by the hands of fate and ultimate chance, two should meet again--happenstance walking along a street. The recognition instantaneous.

I do have a few suggestions:

"The blanket where we lain, is where my mind is slain," I feel this line was meant to symbolize (to the utmost extent of the word) that night where (possibly) the relationship had been consumated. If this is so I believe something more along the lines of, "The blanket where we lain, tethered to me like an everlasting chain."

I could give you a couple more if you wanted.

I'd like to have seen a transition period of a few lines of which the male in the story is in a place far away, for example: "I'm here and you're back home, In my sorrow do I roam." Kind of tells you that the male is out and about in some place he doesn't want to be and he feels like he's constantly moving.

I do dig this poem. Thumbs up bro.

[MrBooyay]

I'm always looking for improvements, so if you have suggestions I love hearing them! thanks again, you're always a great help. I appreciate it!

[Patrick Gerlits]

I like the revisions very much so.