Inanimate

Play I had written for my high school senior year AP English course. Enjoy!

Two classmates, Jimmy and Wanda are walking through the park. Jimmy is down-to-earth and well educated, and Wanda, to be frank, is not. This was a sunny afternoon, but as they walked, clouds formed overhead. It starts to rain, so they walk inside a nearby pizzeria. Just as they walk in, it starts to pour.

Jimmy: Whew, that was a close one.

Wanda: Yeah, I mean, I hate getting drenched.

Jimmy: Oh, you hate everything. I mean really now, you hate the rain? It’s something necessary for �"

Wanda: “The earth to become fertile,” yeah I know I’ve heard it before.

Jimmy: You never wanna hear anything!

Wanda: Nope. I just want to aimlessly get through my days. I mean, like seriously, who takes their days seriously?

Jimmy: (to waiter) I’ll have a chicken slice. You gettin’ anything?

Wanda: Yeah. Gimme a Sicilian.

Jimmy: Ya know somethin’? You got nice eyes.

Wanda: What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t care what you say, you’re not getting in my pants.

Jimmy: Oh, no, I mean I’m not trying to. I just never really noticed. I mean, s**t we’ve been going to the same high school now for four years and I’ve never taken a good look into ‘em.

Wanda: I think you think too much, Jimbo. Any more interesting details you got?

Jimmy: Well, yeah, look at this pizza. (to waiter) Thanks.

Wanda: Yea? Whattabout it?

Jimmy: Look at this here knife I got. I can cut my pizza right down the middle and get two mini slices. You can cut your Sicilian in four squares.

Wanda: What the hell are you talkin’ about?

Jimmy: Look now, put your eye at the edge of the table. For my slice, it’s just a simple line, even though it’s really a triangle from standing above it. That’s all. For your slice, it’s a great big chunk no matter how you look at it.

Wanda: Whatever you say.

Jimmy: No, seriously, now look, see this here nickel? It’s a nickel now, but if I place it flat on the table and place my eye at the edge, it’s a line! How f****n’ cool is that!

Wanda: You’ve got way too much time on your hands.

Jimmy: No, actually, I have it all on my wrist.... you do like my Swiss watch, right?

Wanda: I think the cheese on this slice is Swiss too. Yuck.

Jimmy: All I’m sayin’ is this stuff is so cool. Something could be 3D one sec, and the next, it’s 2D, dependin’ on how you look at it!

Wanda: Jim, look, I don’t care what you say, I’m just trying to eat.

Jimmy: Looks like the rain is stopping now.

Wanda: Yea, good. I’m leavin’ after I’m done �"

Jimmy: Where are you going to college next year?

Wanda: Oh I dunno. Somewhere in Troy.

Jimmy: New York?

Wanda: Duh.

Jimmy: Have you visited it?

Wanda: Nah, I’ll be spending the next four years there so I’ll have plenty of time to look around.

Jimmy: Will you?

Wanda: Look around? Of course I will.

Jimmy: No, I mean, have time.

Wanda: I have all the time in the world, Jimbo.

Jimmy: Depends on how you look at it, I guess.

Wanda: Would you stop saying that?

Jimmy: Why should I?

Wanda: Because. I don’t feel like talking anymore.

Jimmy: Okay, so what do you feel like talking about?

Wanda: How I can’t wait ‘til graduation.

Jimmy: Oh yeah? Whys that?

Wanda: Can’t wait to get out in the world. Make a name for myself. Ya know. The usual stuff people do when they attend and graduate college.

Jimmy: Everyone is differ�"

Wanda: And I can’t wait to set up my own law firm. I’ll be truly happy then.

Jimmy: Is becoming a lawyer something you’d like to do?

Wanda: Well yea, obviously. And it’ll get me some good money.

Jimmy: I heard passing the BAR isn’t exactly a walk in the park.

Wanda: It’s a piece of cake.

Jimmy: Really? You want some? I don’t think they have desserts at this place.

Wanda: Would you stop that?

Jimmy: Why should I?

Wanda: It’s annoying. So yeah, becoming a lawyer will make me happy.

Jimmy: For the money, of course.

Wanda: That’s all there is to it.

Jimmy: Money isn’t exactly the means to happiness. Take this here napkin. So many times it’s neglected as being a rag to wipe the snot out of people’s noses. Seriously. But its true longing is to absorb something and clean it up. That’s all it is intended for.

Wanda: You’ve gone f****n’ nuts.

Jimmy: I have two and they’re quite firm, thank you very much. I’m just sayin’ think before you speak. And money isn’t everything. You’ve gotta try and find your true longing; you know… who you really are.

Wanda: Alright, Jimbo! I have plenty of time to do that. I’ll go home now, I’m tired and want to take a nice long sleep. Today has been seemingly the longest day ever. I’m so tired I wish I could just sleep forever.

Jimmy: Okay, Wanda. Whatever you say.