a proper leaving

 

 

You thought that i could help you,

 

that what you needed came from somewhere outside of you.

 

You thought that i owed you my soul 

 

because you somehow lost yours.

 

I realized that any attempt to save you

 

would only doom me.

 

I left, not because

i couldn’t live with you anymore.

 

I left because 

i couldn’t live with myself with you anymore

Reviews

[LisetteCanWrite!]

I loved the release of this.. found the no soul of the other a little harsh but realistic to what one would express after feeling bled out. You know you can even take two really passionate people with goals and have bad chemistry if the mix is completely wrong!

I loved the ending as it implies a certain level of ownership to what the relationship itself as a couple brought out in yourself.. after all relating should boost us in some way if even only a learning experience! By accepting a mix itself is bad; it eliminates some of the blame and pointing in the end which can work itself into the next relationship if not careful. Nicely done.

[Sidewalk]

I also liked the last two lines the best, but it's a little wordy, I won't make suggestions cause it's not my place but it's just a little hard to read at the end and a little editing could really put this piece together, which is already pretty much there.

[JC]

Interesting meter, but it works for the piece.

I like the last two lines the best. They describe what a toxic relationship does to the person, and how self loathing comes into play.

Well written!

JC

[GYPSYLEAH]

Nice Piece - Says a lot in a small space. No one can make us happy, or whole, that is something we all have to find for ourselves, but too often we keep trying and trying to make others happy and fulfilled, until we are not.

[Obsidian Blackbird McNi..]

what i like best about this piece is what you never say about the person it was written about. instead of whinge-ing on about all the good things about (s)he (the sexless "you" always works best in these sorts of affairs)... instead of doing that, you focus on the central issues.

cheers

[Sorry Infamous]

Often, we have to make sacrifices for the ones who we love but ultimately they should still make you a better person. It is when this stops that the love should stop too. A raw, thought provoking poem

[Julio Angel Ortiz]

Wow, I can relate with that. Great job; very simple and straightforward, but layered with meaning. What makes this poem great is that it conveys a concept in a way that it will make people remember vividly a similar situation they may have experienced. Nice job!

[DavidRyan]

I just wrote a piece about relationships and what it has done to me. It's weird though -- I realized, on the other side, things work out (in regards to recognizing your own flaws and what you could have done or didn't do to help the situation). Remember when relationships were a letter passed from a friend of the girl you liked and then you tried to play footsie under the tables? What happened to simplicity? Great write, man. I see you're digging yourself the smaller pieces but you still pack in as much information and feelings your stories. Well done.

[Wildfleour]

Been there, done that!

You captured the whole essence of an unhealthy relationship in a few words. Well done!