A Serial Killer's Epiphany

Here is a more imagery-packed poem. Vale Vale Vale is a Roman saying that they used to say at a funeral.

His knife carves his name on her chest

And he chuckles to himself

Bearing her heavy body on his shoulders

(such a burden).

She limply dangles and says nothing

For she is as dead as the heart in his chest

Pumping grime and dirt

Through his bulky body.

He pulls her down with him to the basement

Grunting with every step into the dark abyss

Where the furnace is located.

Her hair is long and whips his face

Her breasts and hips are cumbersome to carry

But he makes it to his small room.

Slamming her on his table,

He begins to dissect her mind

Trying to figure out her complex brain

Only to realize it is just like his

He opens her chest to find her heart

And pulling out the two he compares

Only to realize they are the same

The liver, the spleen, the pancreas and the stomach

They are the same with his

He asks, why is she any different

But before he can answer himself he realizes

He is hollow now inside

Where his organs would once reside

And he collapses to the ground

Saying his last words

Vale Vale Vale

Author's Note

Was the message in the poem evident? Reviews would be appreciated :)

Reviews

[Clairabel]

This is graphic, but without gore or sensationalism. It paints a dark, gruesome picture through vivid description and story-telling.

My favourite line is easily 'For she is as dead as the heart in his chest.' That line alone speaks volumes beyond what you've already written. Superb.

[Lexy]

Oh, God.
K, I just stumbled on your profile today by accident, just a random click to find something to review ( i just read "Plucking Petals") and I'm so glad I did. I had to stop reading just so I could coherently do this.

Here's what I love:
-the irony of "(such a burden)."
-the line "for she is as dead as the heart in his chest."

Here's what I don't love:
-"for she is as dead as the heart in his chest
Pumping grime and dirt
through his bulky body."
I'm pretty sure it's the word pumping that I don't like, because you just said the heart was dead.

The message is extremely evident, the poem in obvious support of equality in general. We are all the same. If you wanna work on this, I would say that you should work on not overstating the message. Maybe I'm the only one who sees it so blatantly, but that bothers me enough to mention it. If that's what you were going for, don't change it.

But still, nice job with the imagery and the poem :)

[Axis]

I like the ending

[Summer'sBreeze]

Amazing write!
Great work.

[Mama Topaz]

The line: For she is as dead as the heart in his chest

Spectacular!

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing story in the poem. You create a complete tale in so few words. That is real talent. I like the description of her weight and the comparing of the body parts. A very good ending to a outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Kuhr Gred]

wow! GREAT WRITE ^_^ keep it up ;)
- Kuhr Gred

[K-mo]

a very grim poem, but very well written. The message is very clear, all I can say is well done!