to watch you leave

to watch you leave

A Poem by joshua deathdealer
"

2005

"
to watch you leave...
is to know such pain, its jagged edges ripping into my facade
as a stake from the garden tears in to warm, dark earth

to watch you leave...
knowing that all the while that never again will I fit myself, warm with sleep
against your back, nor feel you breathing and the beating of your heart

to watch you leave...
aware in every moment of every day that my dreams, my future
once tied with silken ribbons to yours, will never come to be
and the mornings once so silent and hopeful, us gazing at the sky
and so gently awaiting forever are now but a small piece of my past

to watch you leave...
is to know that I've lost my place of existence, my station, my hearts home
that I will wander, forever a nomad, alone and afraid

to watch you leave...
your heart a tight fist of anger and your dry eyes betray nothing of you
I cry for the both of us, my love, because you will not

my troubled dreams watch you leave, over and over again

© 2011 joshua deathdealer


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"to watch you leave" That was breathtaking especially with each stanza increasing the pace as the pain becomes even more unbearable...
Sometimes we have that fear that one day the person we love will walk away harmless but at the same time, why shed tears for an undeserving person like that?
I love the poem and outstanding work.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

When you write, you have an extraordinary ability to make you readers feel your creation through their own life experiences. When I was reading your 'to watch you leave', you showed me a glimps of my life twenty two years back in a flashback when I had been helplessly watching 'my first love' leaving me and putting my life into heaps of despair. I salute you Boss. I wish I could write like you.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Well built I think of things that wayu building I try to build worksof art that will wrench from others the pins of life you did that here i remembered a loss of my own

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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y&r
I love the last line. I love the constant repetition of "to watch you leave." It gives the whole poem a rhythm. Beautiful immagery too. The "nomad" part really fits and gives a whole new insight to your feelings.
The final line was a punch. Powerful.
And I like your omission of periods at the end of every line. it makes the whole poem a single train of thought.

Keep up this amaaaaaaaaazing work!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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A heart felt poem, the title was very effective, great write:)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love the solemn sadness in this piece. There's a certain solemn sadness to this piece, a deep longing.

"to watch you leave...
your heart a tight fist of anger and your dry eyes betray nothing of you
I cry for the both of us, my love, because you will not

my troubled dreams watch you leave, over and over again"

Although the entire piece was wonderfully written I particularly like these lines. They tie very well and in combination with one another make a beautiful ending.

Very lovely work my friend :).

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A beautiful, heartbreaking, breathtaking piece of very well written work. Do not mourn my friend for you are young of heart and will find another. We are go throught these kinds of losses...sad as they are, it perhaps was not meant to be

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

:_: :_: :_: This poem is beautiful. I'm literally crying right now. Every single line is filled with nothing but raw emotion. I love it and it's totally going in my favorites.

"to watch you leave...
is to know that I've lost my place of existence, my station, my hearts home
that I will wander, forever a nomad, alone and afraid"

I feel this every day. If you're sad, I hope things get better for you.
Fantastic work once again. :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

That was so full of sorrow. My chest clenched with more pain as I read each verse. I enjoy this poem, though I wanted to cry. Good job

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

What a great poem! I love how you portray this with very strong emotions. Good job! Hope to see more.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lovely... i love this, sad and touching repetition beginning each stanza so well, putting the picture of sadness together even more each time. I love this stanza:
"to watch you leave...
knowing that all the while that never again will I fit myself, warm with sleep
against your back, nor feel you breathing and the beating of your heart"

I love these lines...
"and the mornings once so silent and hopeful, us gazing at the sky
and so gently awaiting forever are now but a small piece of my past"

"is to know that I've lost my place of existence, my station, my hearts home"

"I cry for the both of us, my love, because you will not"

... and also the last line of the poem :) all so nice and touching. Such a great write, i love it. And the title... perfect.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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1006 Views
29 Reviews
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Shelved in 6 Libraries
Added on May 26, 2011
Last Updated on September 13, 2011
Tags: dark, horror, watch, leave

Author

joshua deathdealer
joshua deathdealer

Casket City, FL



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"My trepidation of things past is not a song with a beginning, middle and end. But an endless symphony playing infinite variations on the same theme. One day of sadness fades into another and the .. more..

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