forgive me

forgive me

A Poem by joshua deathdealer
"

07/2011

"
forgive me for tomorrow
I'll be gone before you wake

before you wipe the decay
from your empty eyes
I'll be painting my face
with the remains of your
sick idea of our love

before you snort your breakfast
I'll be sitting on the ground
somewhere, ripping up blades
of grass, imagining you

before you toy with the idea of
calling me, I'll have already
thrown this phone out
the car window, imagining you

before the sun sets on the
wasteland that you call home
I'll have already swallowed
my sorrows and moved on

before the moon reaches its peak
in the midnight sky, I'll be
dancing like you were never there

because honestly you never were

© 2011 joshua deathdealer


Author's Note

joshua deathdealer

My Review

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Featured Review

Love this.

You are very fluid with your words. I also like the progression of the poem. Slowly, the person is moving on but early on there was a moment of hallucinating grief to pass through. There really isn't much I'd criticize. Yes, it is a bit straightforward, but the simplicity of this is its strong point.
Another thing that struck me was the great ending. It drops like an anchor on dry land. Well done my friend.

Posted 8 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

"before the moon reaches its peak
in the midnight sky, I'll be
dancing like you were never there

because honestly you never were"

I love those four lines. They really stood out to me and I could kind of relate a little. This was a great poem. I really liked it.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

before you wipe the decay
from your empty eyes
I'll be painting my face
with the remains of your
sick idea of our love
WOW! This is acidic - brutal and very well penned.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The transition from sadness to anger was subtle without losing any of its power. Really well done =)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Love this one:)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This was good. Firstly I liked its style, projecting on how sorry the other would be. Secondly I thought the last line was brilliant. How people can be absent even when they are present! Thankyou.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kewl write, flowed into other dimension of forsaken love dipped in cream

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really loved this piece! Passionate, and I found the feeling you put into this extremely relatable.. the idea of the type of 'love' that you conveyed is so utterly relatable. Unrelated to this piece in particular, I wish I could send out these poems as quickly as you do. Although inspiration is plenty I have trouble putting it into coherent thought.. but your work is remarkable in every way. Well done.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow, this is powerful and relatable to most people who try to forget and think that basically that howe the person was literally never there :) Great write! I love the band Silverstein!! :)
Beth :3

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow I liked the ending with " I'll be dancing like you were never there because honestly you never were." And thats how we do it. We erase try to erase people from our minds, our hearts, and life and if they were never really in it; it makes that much easier and you portrayed that in the art of poetry well I mean the first few lines were little shaky with me but, the poem was over all great even with the sadness bitterness and acceptance, and soon joy that seeped from your words. So well done.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

"before the sun sets on the
wasteland that you call home
I'll have already swallowed
my sorrows and moved on

before the moon reaches its peak
in the midnight sky, I'll be
dancing like you were never there

because honestly you never were"

My favorite verses in this heartfelt poem.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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1087 Views
42 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on July 9, 2011
Last Updated on August 9, 2011
Tags: breakup, goodbye, dark

Author

joshua deathdealer
joshua deathdealer

Casket City, FL



About
"My trepidation of things past is not a song with a beginning, middle and end. But an endless symphony playing infinite variations on the same theme. One day of sadness fades into another and the .. more..

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A Poem by joshua deathdealer



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