forgive me

forgive me

A Poem by joshua deathdealer
"

07/2011

"
forgive me for tomorrow
I'll be gone before you wake

before you wipe the decay
from your empty eyes
I'll be painting my face
with the remains of your
sick idea of our love

before you snort your breakfast
I'll be sitting on the ground
somewhere, ripping up blades
of grass, imagining you

before you toy with the idea of
calling me, I'll have already
thrown this phone out
the car window, imagining you

before the sun sets on the
wasteland that you call home
I'll have already swallowed
my sorrows and moved on

before the moon reaches its peak
in the midnight sky, I'll be
dancing like you were never there

because honestly you never were

© 2011 joshua deathdealer


Author's Note

joshua deathdealer

My Review

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Featured Review

Love this.

You are very fluid with your words. I also like the progression of the poem. Slowly, the person is moving on but early on there was a moment of hallucinating grief to pass through. There really isn't much I'd criticize. Yes, it is a bit straightforward, but the simplicity of this is its strong point.
Another thing that struck me was the great ending. It drops like an anchor on dry land. Well done my friend.

Posted 12 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Int ime she wont be to me either. Ill finally be able tomove on after all these years. Very well penned my friend. I love the fluidity of the whole piece. Well done to say the least


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

There is such feeling..
You reach a sence out to the audience making them listen.. most people long for that awaiting call, to make things work but you took an amzingly different turn, if i'm wrong tell me , but what i have read is beautiful

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i can so relate :((

remember, Letting go is a CHOICE and moving on is a PROCESS :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

"before you snort your breakfast
I'll be sitting on the ground
somewhere, ripping up blades
of grass, imagining you"

This stanza was my favorite. Growing out of such pain is the best way to heal from the misery we feel. Sometimes we want things to get better but in reality, they can't. I love this poem for its directness. Great poem once again.


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

THIS IS THE KIND OF POETRY THAT STICKS WITH YOU. CREATIVE AND GREAT! AWESOME WORK!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

like this one =D

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Painful and honest.. well done!!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

beautiful Joshua...beautiful...

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is an amazing write.
Really used some great describing words. I really LOVED this. Great job.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Powerful poem but still...a little sad poem.

Well done!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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1117 Views
42 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on July 9, 2011
Last Updated on August 9, 2011
Tags: breakup, goodbye, dark

Author

joshua deathdealer
joshua deathdealer

Casket City, FL



About
"My trepidation of things past is not a song with a beginning, middle and end. But an endless symphony playing infinite variations on the same theme. One day of sadness fades into another and the .. more..

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