the arrogant mage

the arrogant mage

A Chapter by joshua deathdealer
"

11/2011 (Fantasy Installment Two)

"
The shadowy clouds that gathered above
matched the heart of the young man
that rode a hellish steed, expeditiously 
towards the impending and soaring citadel

He had studied long and laboriously in
consideration of this glorious day, he 
had ruthlessly murdered countless clergy  
in order to absorb enough spiritual essence 

To ascend to the level of the most high
gods, to return and reign over this lowly
world with superiority and fear, laughter bursts
out as he makes his way to the massive entrance

This was his destiny, pushing open the door
he walks in whistling a favorite tune, in the
center of the room was a perfectly square
mirror, no reflection just murky silvery swirls

His black mantle flutters as he rushes to the
ethereal gateway, a monk stands up from
the tables that surrounds the speculum in an
effort to stop the dark wizard's advancement 

Lightning stabs through the walls and strikes
the ill fated servant, thunder follows as he 
falls to the floor and the arrogant mage steps
over the smoking body to stands before the portal

Lifting his arms upward, he commands that
the gods receive him into their divine dimension
and grant him the powers that he so rightfully deserves,
a huge hand reaches out and squashes him like a bug


© 2012 joshua deathdealer


Author's Note

joshua deathdealer
"Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."

My Review

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Featured Review

Really enjoyed. I'm a sucker for a horse and sword story of any kind, especially when there's magic afoot. Really nice imagery, and foreshadowing. The only constructive crit I can offer is that in the last line of stanza five....there should be an apostraphe on "dark wizard's advancement." just a typo. Kickass poem dude.
Cheers!

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

kewl Joshua like the last line :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

"Lifting his arms upward, he commands that
the gods receive him into their divine dimension
and grant him the powers that he so rightfully deserves,
a huge hand reaches out and squashes him like a bug"

I enjoyed this but this reminded me almost of Skyrim because of the format you wrote this in trying to achieve absolute power. Never put pride before others is one way to learn from this. The foreshadowing is great because you can think about what will happen but other than that, awesome piece! Your imagination expands from just simple words.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lol - the ending I saw coming but the build up was an intellectual delight, i'm glad i found you; you're unique and full of surprising insights.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is great. I love things of this sort.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ooo, I has a feeling lurking that somebody's getting better at writing ^_^
A wonderful job, personally find this to be a poem showing improvements, especially in your fantasy installments. I also like the twist, unlike mine who usually does a wine and dine for the worst to evoke emotion, yours was done with a more rightly so adjustment with justice done in the final run.
What I have to say that really shines is the storyboard progression in this poem, it really follows through worthy of great praise ;) perhaps a next thing to work for is your transitioning from stanza to stanza... I gotta say, prose poetry is probably the harder types if not the most since it's a collection of various other types of poetry and plus on it's way to being flash fiction somewhat... Perhaps another thing about fantasy genres to point out so you can work on this is to not be too cliche...
Being a genre that deals with exaggeration, this is really hard to pull off, but much like there are cliches in society (real life) there are cliches in Fantasy genres also... most of the times cliches come across from either overused character tropes. So the best thing to do to remedy this is to make something unfamiliar, however present it in an descriptive manner, OR if you want to use a familiar trope, you should do the reverse, describe it as if it were unfamiliar to the reader... A little bit of a step up ^_^ but I'm sure you can pull it off ;)
Overall I give it a 98/100, left me amused and impressed through show of nodding.. well-done greatly so, keep up the good work ^_^


Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You have such talent to convey a story in a poem such as this love :) It carries so well with a great ending, as always..a favourite!
xoxo


Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

That made me speechless...
This poem is just excellent...I love it...Fantastic piece!
:)))
Keep it up!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Really amazing!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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EMF
Another great fantasy read. You capture the world and style perfectly. I hope you will develop these ideas they make one hell of a read, and handled with class.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on November 10, 2011
Last Updated on July 1, 2012
Tags: fantasy, magic, pride, metaphoric, arrogance


Author

joshua deathdealer
joshua deathdealer

Casket City, FL



About
"My trepidation of things past is not a song with a beginning, middle and end. But an endless symphony playing infinite variations on the same theme. One day of sadness fades into another and the .. more..

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A Poem by joshua deathdealer



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