Toxic Chapter

I am not afraid to be alone

I am not afraid to be without him you know

This mission I have been given can be frustrating

It wasn't the one I choose

Yet I think about the other side

The land of husband and wife

I see how they are treated

It is a life I can do without

I was raised in sacred ground

Where love is what you mean what you say

Where you say what you mean

My sisters found that dream

Yet God set me on a different destiny

I was guided by a good mother and father who stayed together

Why now have I fallen in this darkness that seems to last forever

Why does my heart choose you

He is bad

Yet the best I ever had

I just need to forget

I guess this is what it feels like to be addicted to a drug

He dangled it in my face

Like a sad mad crack lover there was no escape

I think of it now while I am wide awake

I tried to block him

Yet he still is in my veins

I am an addict of a different kind

I  try to free it from my life

Try to meet someone new

They want to know how it is when i touch myself

They want me to watch porn with them

Where are the good men

I dont know

Right now I find myself coming out of the tunnel

All of this emotion I catch and release through a funnel

He is a true disaster

Yet my dream of happily ever after

What we have is just dirty

I still want him with me

I just need God I am blind and I still cant see

I just need a miracle to help me find a way to peace

I just need to swim to safety

Yet everytime I try

He catches me midflight

I try to swim away

Under his tidal wave my heart just wont behave

He is the one I crave over and over again

Still playing my heart strings faster and faster

He is the one I want

My happily ever after

My true disaster

I thank you for this feeling

Before I was numb

Now I am just dumb

The cool girl in me defrosts maybe I was born broken and this is my healing

When I am ready maybe in the end there will be love

Where did the pain come from

When everything is shiny and beautiful

Why do I choose you

You can run free

I never wanted a future

F**k if I knew how to be a romantic

We dont put a label on it there is no need to panic

so we can be free

i want to be free like you

I am still under his haunt

He is also what I want

I crave love but I can't commit

At least I am aware of what is within

There is no crime I have done

Except kissing him with closed eyes

Loving him like a silly child

Yes I want to keep him

He is the reason

My season of happily ever after

My true disaster

The toxic chapter

I am a cool girl

I just want to be free and taste the world

He tastes like a pearl

He makes makes my body curl

In a way its a shame. From each other we can't forever break

He says I am the one he will want always

Though its wrong I can't stay away

I knew he was bad from the start

He has crept in to my heart

I can't complain I dance in this rain

My happily ever after is a true disaster

A mixture of pleasure and pain

I just want to do what I like

With each bite I come alive

As I enjoy the high of this toxic chapter