a losing game

a losing game

A Poem by butterfly

inspired by the phrase

It feels like a losing game
loneliness wins
depression is in
i dont know how to make it stay away
I am mad at him I needed him to be there
My aunt died I got covid there are other things going through me
he asked me to be together on thursday and i said i was busy
but then i tried to make time he made plans with his co worker said he tries
why can't he try again
why are we in this friendship but its one sided
i dont know i feel so alone
burning away
in this losing game
got demoted to the back seat
if caught he would say he would have to say he wouldn't know me
how can loving someone without knowing them be
there has to be something more
its groundhog day eternally its that movie
we just arent mean to be
i scream i dont want to hope
i just want to let go
but in doing so i still feel so alone
in this place
maybe my soul died away a long time ago
now my body will follow
my heart is in a panic i feel so dramatic
i just wanted you to be there
he said he made time today
but he spent the whole way complaining about traffic
why is our non relationship so dramatic
i unplug i am sick of all this static
i just want to love and be loved
why can't i feel it from you
does he feel it from me
maybe its just a fantasy all in my head
i am the mental patient stuck in her bed
i try to do the right thing i still can't win
i try to block him he calls me begs me to stay
leaves notes in my mailbox voice mails
says i will always want you
its five years i cant let it go
we are mere mortal nothing is perfect
i just wish you could be there
be more aware
do something to change this gray place in this losing game
yet at the end he pulled me in his embrace and we kissed
but why
i dont even know
hello is nice but not goodbye
so we go on the same in a losing game

© 2021 butterfly

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Added on October 7, 2021
Last Updated on October 7, 2021




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