Counselors

Counselors

A Poem by JR
"

Relax, this won't hurt

"

There isn't enough beer to drown it
There aren't enough pills to poison it
you call it by many names

self-loathing
accidental overdose
return of facts
    in a rapid chatter
miscue
mistake
wrong step
bad break

fatal defect between thought

and action

You can pretend its not there
its ok
it doesn't mind

its willing to wait
in the background
where it blends with stone and shadow

its willing to hunch
in abandoned alleys, looking over
well-picked leavings

its willing to hide
in hitch of lung
in stumble of step

its willing to lie
whisper
and cheat

because eventually everyone gives in,
in the end
everyone gives over

and
finally
it

feeds

© 2008 JR


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Featured Review

intricate, pace perfect rhyme, my favorite kind
intriguing start but definitely better as it builds to that end that's genuinely creepy and
dark and interdimensional--yet I know exactly of what you speak, the layers to this world and our energy perceptions are many.
and whatever it is, it does come on so strong and palpably real at times.
Great word and phrase choice too, the way you say things makes me excited, its almost a view into the ability you possess throughout.
It makes me feel like I could click onto most anything of yours and it would be strong and clear and you have the ability (and do) take care of your reader,
know what I mean?

the only crit in this I have (and it may be artistic liscense which im familiar with and can totally flow to) is this:

There isn't enough pills to poison it
There arent enough pills.... etc?


So cool. alive, whole, distinct piece.


Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

woooo....I loved how you gave IT some power....qualities...???....eerie.....you're quite good luv.

Posted 11 Years Ago


My god. This is absolutely stunning piece of yours. (my new favorite). I have read and observed this poem carefully, I felt well with this speech nothing hidden behind a corner, utterly clear, except my memory lapses; your skilful manipulation of imaginery to deepen the meening on a serious and current topic makes it responsive to us all and found a strong appeal within myself. You are a "progressive poet", you can write with equal ease a poem like this or a cool one in rap style or any other modern one. That's what I like about your writing: it is never the same.

self-loathing
accidental overdose
return of facts
in a rapid chatter
miscue
mistake
wrong step
bad break------------------this was a wonderful example how ethics is important and always will be. bravo, JR.



Posted 11 Years Ago


Haunting, man.
Very strong; no redundant words, just powerful theme and voice all the way through.
So you can DIY or let nature do its stuff, but eventually we all DIE
- or is it not death of which you speak,
is it a state of mind
[just thinking about the title
...man, if a therapist quoted this at me
i'd want to walk out and slit my throat in the corridor;
probably why they're not allowed to get morbid]
[at the same time, maybe i'd be grateful that they understood]

Good pace; really builds up towards that chilling truth at the end.

Overall, excellent work. Thanks for posting it.

p.s.
I back HH up on the "isn't" = aren't because of "pills" being plural - unless you wanted to give us a sense of character through the narrative voice and did it deliberately?

[its = it's]:
"You can pretend its not there"
"its willing to wait"
"its willing to hunch"
"its willing to lie"

we spell it counsellor in the UK...I think it's one of those many trans-Atlantic differences?

Posted 11 Years Ago


Very scary. You give fear and doubt a terrifying form that's even scarier since you don't actually tell us what it looks like (this is the best tactic in horror movies - don't let on exactly WHAT there is to fear until the very end or not at all - one's imagination can always come up with something far worse than any underpaid screenwriter could). You really get the vulnerability of those plauged by this... thing across, the idea that there's nowhere to run or hide. Even so, and even though the pessimistic tone drowns it out, I can't help thinking that there's little amount of hope here, too. Strangely I'm reminded of Donne's "Holy Sonnet 10": "Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,/And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,/And poppy'or charms can make us sleep as well/And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?"

We don't really cause it to come hunting us, do we? Rather it just hunts us for the sake of... what? The thrill of hunting? It sparks an interesting question: do we have control over it or does it manipulate us? Your poem seems to support the latter idea, but simply because the question is asked it leaves from for interpretation. Aaaand I'm probably overthinking this too much. Sorry. Bad habit.

At any rate, well done - way to make me think.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I have noticed you have a crazy a*s style when you write and I actually like them a lot. You stand out from a lot of people here JR , Great write. Orlando

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Damnnn. kickass.
coulda had a better title I think though.
Just my opinion.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ouch. Painful to the core because it's true, word for word. What a wonderful way you've woven these words together. It's gripping from the start, and shows the progression quite well, and yes, sadly.....finally it feeds. This poem is a masterpiece.
I have and can continue to read this over and over and it does indeed get better with each read. I was a counselor once (by day) and bartender (by night)....so I know a little about the drowning. Actually, to be honest, I could probably use a good counselor myself!!! Excellent write, so much to chew on, and not one tiny morsel to spit out. Spacially delicious.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i like it. its kinda weird but very nice. not to rhymy, perfect.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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emz
a very well written articulate piece, it flowed really well and your use of words was impeccable

lovely


x

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This read very well aloud, I found the poem slipped off the tongue with perfect rhythm. I'm going to have to come back to this and read it again on a deeper level.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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12 Reviews
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on June 16, 2008
Last Updated on August 20, 2008

Author

JR
JR

SLC, UT



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Back because Writer's Block will kill me if I stay away. Oh, and because C. Boylan gives great motherfucking review. Click here to visit Writer's Block and read her outstanding writing. Click here .. more..

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