I Don't Care...

I Don't Care...

A Poem by JR

I Don’t Care...

I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...

I dreamed again of her last night
all smooth silk and imitation virgin thighs
parted slightly
smoking in a pool of arrogance

I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...

I can't take the rumble
of my mind
I can't drown the struggle
of my mind
I can't slit the throat
of my mind
I can't take the joke
of my mind
I can't hide in shadow
of my mind
I can't play the fool
of my mind
I can't scream the pig
of my mind

I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...

In silence, she moves, rustle of cotton sheets
lighting a cigarette
with a cheap red Bic lighter
something she'll use
then toss in the lined trash can

I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...

Oh, sweet nothing that is promised
the end that is promised
release, you beckon in the limelight
reflecting off her acrylic nails

Nailed

I'd like to be

Nailed

Crucified to a plastic bed
wearing a bloody crown
of synthetic thorns

I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...I don't care if you don't care...

© 2008 JR


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

WOW, I imitation virgin thighs, are hard to come by. It's amazing you found some..... Any way joking aside. This is one hell of dream you are having here. I would like to get nailed too, but not a bed I should think. I liked the "I can't" section of this piece. Though one thing I wanted to mention, did you mean " I can't hide in the shadow of my mind" that really is my only suggestion / edit note. Though the part about the pig , may I ask what are you refering too. Other then that I tell you don't care if someone else doesn't care. That seemed to be the theme of this piece, though you seemed to be dreaming too.

That is all I have
Captain Savage

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I agree with Captain Savage: "[the] shadow?"

I think the amount of repetition used for "I don't care..." is needed, to show exactly how fixated the mind can become on certain phrase [/people].
This isn't your best writing, while at the same time it's great because it's exactly like being stuck in someone else's brain; we can't be poetic/witty/geniuses at all times in there...we often get stuck in the rhetoric and nonsensical. If it's the first time Kris below has read your work, I advise you send him something else as well so he sees you for the magician you are.

How's the ankle man?

Posted 10 Years Ago


You write with music in your soul my Brother.....lyrical and stout......I love the raw reality and brutal honesty.......laced with melancholy and a dash of romantic theory.......A song for sure my Minstrel friend.....Well done and right on JR.....Keep it coming because I dig it.....

Peace,

Bill

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

WOW, I imitation virgin thighs, are hard to come by. It's amazing you found some..... Any way joking aside. This is one hell of dream you are having here. I would like to get nailed too, but not a bed I should think. I liked the "I can't" section of this piece. Though one thing I wanted to mention, did you mean " I can't hide in the shadow of my mind" that really is my only suggestion / edit note. Though the part about the pig , may I ask what are you refering too. Other then that I tell you don't care if someone else doesn't care. That seemed to be the theme of this piece, though you seemed to be dreaming too.

That is all I have
Captain Savage

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Good write. And it's obvious that you do ... (and THAT'S why you write).

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
JR
Hmmm. I don't care if you don't care...

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This works for me. I see it. All the crass, cheap synthetic imagery that comprise 'her'.

The mantra "I don't care if you don't care" probably won't work no matter how many times your narrator repeats it. But I suppose that is all he has . . .

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I want to like this piece, I really do. It has a pulp, almost crime-noir, feel to it. What stops me from liking it is the refrain of "I don't care if you don't care", which I don't care for. Ditch that, for a start. Or say it once. I also don't like the stanza which begins, "I can't take the rumble". I'd either ditch that or rewrite it somehow. This piece almost reads as though you weren't sure which direction you yourself wanted it to go in. Rethink it, rewrite it, recycle some of your images and I think this could be a truly great poem. You may also want to rethink your crucifixion imagery. I'm not religious in any way shape or form, but from the feel of your poem, drawing a line between your main character and the subject matter to Jesus Christ is somewhat thin. Otherwise, good work, and I'd be happy to read any rewrite you may do.

Cheers.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

264 Views
7 Reviews
Added on October 19, 2008

Author

JR
JR

SLC, UT



About
Back because Writer's Block will kill me if I stay away. Oh, and because C. Boylan gives great motherfucking review. Click here to visit Writer's Block and read her outstanding writing. Click here .. more..

Writing
Wicked People Wicked People

A Poem by JR


Babble Babble

A Poem by JR