The Zebra Walking Down Main Street

The Zebra Walking Down Main Street

A Story by J.S.R. Rayburn

A zebra is spotted taking a walk down Main Street.


The zebra was headed due south, right up the middle of Main Street.

The people on the sidewalk didn't know what to make of this unusual sight, for they'd never seen a zebra up close before. Their personal exposure to zebras up to this point had been limited to images behind a screen, or from afar at their local zoo. And yet, here was a zebra, just strutting down Main Street like it was the most natural thing in the world for it to be doing. Most of the people were simply too stunned by this sight to do much of anything.

However, one of the denizens took it upon himself to approach the animal. He said to it, "Listen, I don't know if you are aware of this, but the middle of the road is no place for a zebra. Zebras belong on the Serengeti of Africa. And this road is designed for automobiles only. As such, now that you understand that you don't belong here, I think it would be for the best if you made yourself scarce, and get off the road."

But the animal paid no heed to the man. It continued its stride, not altering its gait one iota. It even had the audacity to act like what the man had just said to it didn't have any relevance to it walking down the street and minding its own business.

The man was taken aback, and was actually rather insulted by such a flagrant display of egotism. This creature didn't even bother to take the time to acknowledge him. He'd attempted to explain to the thing why it needed to leave, as calmly and as rationally as possible, in a way that even such a simple-minded organism could grasp. And yet the zebra just kept on doing what it had been doing.

"Okay, I don't think you understand," the man continued. "I've explained this to you in a rather articulate, but also simplistic manner. But I'll try to explain it to you again. You are in a place where you simply do not belong. We would rather you not walk down the middle of Main Street. Now that I've made it even more clear to you why you need to leave, I would very much appreciate it if you did so, and not make such a big fuss over it."

But the zebra continued to pay no attention to the man.

The beast was mocking him at this point. It knew what it was doing. It just didn't care.

"Listen to me, you wiseacre!" the man continued, his impatience mounting. "You are being remarkably inconsiderate to all of us over here. This is a very unusual sight for everyone, and you are making it impossible for all of us to function as normal. Look at how everyone is staring at you! You're too distracting! And what's worse is that you don't seem to care about how wrong this whole thing is, and how it's all your fault. Look, I think I've been very patient with you up to this point. But I warn you, if you don't scram, I'm going to be forced to take drastic measures, in order to make sure that you do what is best for this community and amscray!"

But the zebra continued to pay no attention to the man.

"Alright, you stupid a*s!" the man said, his teeth clenched in ire. "You asked for it!"

Filled to the brim with a violent temper, the likes of which he'd never felt before, the man got in position behind the zebra and kicked it in the a*s.

The zebra instinctively kicked its back leg, and its hoof hit the man square in the gonads. Then it continued on its journey like nothing had even happened.

The man crumpled to the ground. As he rolled around on the concrete street, holding his family jewels tight, he continued to curse the zebra. But it simply continued on its trek down the middle of Main Street and ignored the cries and the insults of the man. It refused to even pay him a second thought.

The others who witnessed this incident, all collectively decided that if the zebra felt that it should continue down its path down Main Street, even if they didn't understand why, then that was its own prerogative, and they had no justification to try to tell it otherwise.

They all went about their business as usual.

© 2020 J.S.R. Rayburn

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Added on May 12, 2020
Last Updated on May 12, 2020
Tags: satire, humor, nonsense