Lucas and Eliza

A moment in a longer story where a couple reconnects after 10 years apart, and a break up that was not wanted by either party.

Eliza tapped her feet nervously at the table while she waited for her date to arrive. He had picked the restaurant, and she was suddenly concerned that he had gotten intimidated and decided not to come �" otherwise, why would he be late? When Lucas had called her almost a month ago, asking to meet so that they could talk, Eliza didn’t know what to say. Her instincts told her to say no, but her heart said yes. She started seeing a young therapist named Rebecca who encouraged her to face Lucas, and talk about everything that had gone on between them so that she could get some “closure” �" a word Eliza heard far too often, but was never able to achieve on her own. As her mind started to drift towards other reasons for his tardiness, the waiter walked up to her for the third time since she arrived forty-five minutes ago. 

            The waiter cleared his throat. “Madam, are you sure that you would not like to order now? It’s not my place to judge, but too much wine on an empty stomach…” The waiter glanced at her nervously, and then focused on folding his hands. Eliza didn’t look at him as she continued staring at the door.

            “No, I already told you that I am going to wait until my...” she paused, and then continued “until my date gets here.” The waiter bowed awkwardly and then scurried away. Eliza sighed and glanced at her empty glass of wine. Just as she was about to wave someone over to refill it for her, a voice called out to her. She turned to see Lucas walking up to the table.

            “Eliza! I am so sorry for being late. I didn’t calculate the time very well and getting ready took longer than I expected. I tried to call, but your phone was turned off,” Lucas said. Eliza simply stared at him with her mouth slightly agape. He was dressed to the nines, his hair carefully styled, and his face clean-shaven. She glanced down at her own outfit and felt her cheeks flush. Lucas was always the kind to under-dress for any occasion, and it used to drive her crazy. Knowing that habit of his, she had decided to underdress for their date on purpose (though every fiber of her being gave dramatic protest), so that he would not feel embarrassed when he showed up in his usual “formal” attire �" flannel and jeans �" not a 3-piece suit, complete with a pocket square.

            “Wow, you look as beautiful as ever. The years have been good to you,” Lucas said as he took his seat across from her at the table. Eliza looked around for the waiter; she was going to need more wine. Lucas took a sip from his water and smiled at her. “I was honestly surprised that you returned my call �" and even more surprised that you agreed to meet with me,” he said to her, his tone light. He wasn’t being sarcastic, and his tone did not sound hurt or reproachful. He was simply being honest. Lucas was genuinely surprised and pleased that she had agreed to go on this date with him. His uncharacteristic straightforwardness made Eliza choke on her wine. She chided herself internally as her cheeks flushed again, this was not like her. Lucas looked at her with concern. There is an awkward silence as they both struggle to figure out how to talk to each other after 10 years apart.

         

  “Are you okay?” he asked her. Eliza nodded at him and waved the waiter over.

            “Let’s order. Do you know what you want to eat?” she asked Lucas. Lucas beamed at her over the top of his menu “I think I will just have the T-bone, how about you? Oh, and please feel free to order whatever you like. Dinner is on me tonight. The lobster sounds delicious, and I know how much you used to love seafood,” he said. This time, Eliza could not help but let her jaw drop fully. “That- Are you sure? I always pay” Eliza said to him, once again surprised at the change of character. Lucas laughed at her expression. “I’m serious! I went back to school, and got my management degree. I have a really great job and can most definitely afford to buy a nice dinner.” Eliza could only stare at him. The idea that Lucas was managing something or someone anywhere was unbelievable. Lucas laughed at her expression and said: “Amazing, right? You used to have to manage me. Now I’m responsible for other people.” There was an uncomfortable silence, and Lucas peered at Eliza over his menu. “Iza…” Lucas said cautiously, “are you alright? You really haven’t said much.” At the sound of her nickname that she only let him call her, Eliza smiled.

            “I’m alright, just a little bit surprised” she told him. “It’s been at least, what? 10 years?” she said. She was surprised because they had dated for 8 years, and throughout all of those years he never so much as bought new socks, let alone change almost everything about himself. She sighed and put down her menu. “It’s not that I am upset or feel slighted, I really am very happy for you. I was just unprepared for how this was going to turn out �" and well, you know how I feel about being unprepared,” she said quietly. The two went on to talk casually about a number of polite conversation topics, such as the restaurant locale, and even the weather �" Eliza was beyond uncomfortable because she knew that the conversation would soon be taking a heavy turn, and she didn’t feel as prepared for it as she thought. Despite her discomfort, she noticed that Lucas was smiling at her again, and Eliza felt a flash of warmth at the familiarity, as well as irritation that he wouldn’t do anything other than smile at her �" he’s the one who wanted to come here to talk, he needed to start talking about more than the pollen levels.

 

           She suddenly snapped at Lucas. “Can you stop smiling so much? I’m struggling to keep up with everything that is so drastically different about a man I used to think I knew better than myself, and yet you’re just sitting there grinning like the Cheshire cat! You wanted to talk, so please start talking. I think I can imagine the things you want to say to me, so please just get it over with. I’m ready,” she said, suddenly very agitated, and eager to go home. Although the smile had faded, Eliza could see how the corners of his lips were still slightly upturned despite her sudden snap. At least that much hadn’t changed about him. No matter what, Lucas always found a reason to smile. She remembered how he used to tell people it was because he had to smile enough for the both of them, since it usually took no small amount of wine to make Eliza comfortable enough around strangers to smile or laugh.

 

           “I know this is a lot �" I’m probably not the same as you remember. I’ve changed in a lot of ways, but I am still the same guy at heart.” His smile faded fully from his face as he looked at her across the table and leaned in closer to her, a small candle gently flickering between them. Their table was small and intimate, and his closeness made her heart flutter in a way that she hadn’t felt in about…10 years. Eliza felt herself being drawn in to his beautiful green eyes �" eyes that used to make her melt.

 

           Eliza gave him a sad look and said: “I never wanted you to change who you were �" I loved how goofy you could be, your beautiful big heart, and you were always so funny…God you could make me laugh even when I was angry. You helped me have fun and enjoy life.” Another buried memory suddenly resurfaced, and Eliza remembered how they used to spend every Sunday eating candy and watching cartoons. The very last Sunday they spent together, he had produced a ring pop and asked her to marry him. She had said yes. It was a memory that made her feel ashamed of her decision to leave him.

 

           As if reading her mind Lucas smiled sadly and said “Do you still like strawberry ring-pops?” Before Eliza could answer, he continues “I know you loved me for who I was as a person, which was never something I doubted about ‘us’. I know that’s not the reason why you left me. I just wish I had been different in some ways. Ways that back then I couldn’t help, but I can now.” Lucas gazed at her, and the look he gave her made Eliza’s heart lurch. He was sad, but also hopeful. She didn’t know what to say.

            A combination of guilt and panic suddenly filled Eliza as she realized how much he truly must have hated her, especially if he didn’t understand why she had left him. He had no idea that she left to save him, because she knew that he never would have helped himself if she was always there doing it for him. She immediately tried to set him straight. “I never minded your bad habits, and I dealt with your immaturity because I had enough maturity for the both of us. I only wanted you to get your life together because I truly believed it would make you feel better.” Eliza remembered clearly that Lucas never had any self-confidence, and was always quietly wilting away because he felt that he was just wasting space �" he’d even said as much to her one time when he was dangerously depressed. “You couldn’t see the wonderful man that I saw, the man that I loved,” she takes a deep breath and continues “you would get so down and sad for such long periods of time that I was always scared to leave you at home when I had to work. I got you a dog for God’s sake, just so you wouldn’t be alone, even though I’m allergic. I just needed to do something and I was running out of ideas. It felt like I couldn’t reach you anymore. I felt like I couldn’t help you anymore, and it broke my heart and made me feel like I was failing you.”

            Eliza had always done everything she could for him, but she could only do so much �" at some point he needed to want to start helping himself, and he was never going to be able to do that with Eliza there coddling him. “I’m not saying that I made the right choice �" leaving probably did more damage than help, and I will forever regret it. I don’t want your forgiveness, I just want you to understand that until the end, all I ever wanted to do was save you,” she finished.

            Eliza realized that she had begun to lean toward him as well, and suddenly jerked back. This was not going the way she thought it would, the way her and her therapist had practiced. She was prepared to deal with a very different Lucas. The Lucas in front of her seemed like the same person, but at the same time she knew he was a complete stranger with 10 years of history she knew nothing about. Eliza was suddenly very nervous, and felt something heavy weighing down her heart. Eliza had expected Lucas to want to meet with her so that he could berate her for the way she left him, so she was very confused with the way he was behaving. Eliza looked Lucas squarely in the eyes and said “Why did you come here? Why did you ask to see me? It’s been 10 years without a word, and when I tried reaching out to you over the years to see if you were OK, you never responded. Your family blocked me from their lives and I truly had no idea if you were even alive. Your depression could get pretty bad, I remember that well. I- I thought something had happened to you…that you did something to yourself, and that it was my fault because I left you all alone.” Eliza took a deep breath as her eyes welled up with tears, and she could no longer look at him as she continued “I know how much you hate me for what I did, but leaving you was the only way that I could save us both. You were spiraling, and I couldn’t make it stop. I would have supported you through it, but then I felt myself going down with you, and I knew that I wasn’t helping anymore �" if anything I was getting in the way.” Unable to hold it in, Eliza began to sob as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I never stopped thinking about you,” she said, “I called every birthday and holiday, and I missed you every day. I started going to therapy, and then stopped, and then started again when you contacted me last month �" that’s why it took so long for me to set a day �" but never once did I ever stop loving you, or feeling guilty for leaving you.”

            Now it was Lucas’s turn to look shocked, and he leaned back against his chair, his eyes starting to water. “Iza,” he said quietly, “why do you think I called you here?” Eliza looked up at him, but said nothing. Lucas furrowed his brow and looked at her. “Eliza, you saved my life. About a week after you left, I checked myself into a…an institution. I was there for a few years. When I got out, I cut ties with my family and went back to school. You always told me that they were manipulating me and didn’t have my best interest at heart, but I never listened to you �" and even then you continued to support me,” he said. Lucas reached across the table and grabbed her hands in his. Eliza’s were shaking, but his hands were warm, strong, and steady. “Eliza, I never stopped thinking about you, or missing you. The first week after you left I admit I was angry, and I was hurt �" but then I realized why you did it. Your leaving was exactly the thing that needed to happen for me to realize that I could and should be helping myself,” Lucas said. He chuckled quietly and said “You always knew exactly what I needed and you never failed to come through for me. I will always be grateful for that.” Lucas looked down at their joined hands, and said in a serious tone: “Eliza Rose Bourke, I never stopped loving you. I never hated you, or misunderstood your decision. The only reason it took me so long to reach out to you was because I wasn’t done yet. I was still growing, and I still am, but I am finally in a place where I can meet you halfway, and put real effort into a relationship. I can take care of myself now, and love you the way you loved me.”

            Eliza looked up at Lucas. She could not believe what she had just heard, but the more he talked about things the warmer she felt inside. They spent the next several hours at the restaurant talking about many of the fond memories they had experienced together. They then left after being asked to leave by the waiter who was trying to close up, and went for a walk around the cute little town where they first met. Lucas grew quiet and pensive, and Eliza became worried that he was getting ready to tell her good-bye for good, now that they had cleared things between them. She had prepared herself for it, but now hoped that she would be able to see him again one day. Then Lucas broke the silence.

 

          “I can understand if you don’t want me back, at least not yet. But I beg that you give me a chance to show you how I’ve grown. Even if we have to spend the rest of our lives as just friends, I would be happy just to have you in my life,” he said to her. Eliza smiled at him, suddenly happier than she had felt in years. She nodded at him across the table, feeling hopeful for the first time since she had left their apartment 10 years ago, leaving half of her heart behind. Lucas stopped walking and grabbed Eliza’s hand. She stared at him with wide eyes as he suddenly got down on one knee, and with a child-like grin that Eliza had always adored, he dug into his pocket and pulled out a bright red ring-pop. “Eliza Rose Bourke,” he said. His voice was light but his gaze was intense, “would you do me the honor of being my friend?”

            Eliza couldn’t stop smiling as she slid the ring on her finger and said “Yes.”

Author's Note

This was a school assignment that I had to do, but I kept working on it afterward because I loved the characters so much.