Quick writing practise

Quick writing practise

A Story by Frankie

Just a short writing warm up kind of thing, with two characters I've been working on for a while. Feedback is helpful. Short and sweet.

As the pale sun eventually drifted further away, the gold being washed from the valley as it sank deeper, melting into the horizon, Adriano came to quite a daunting realization.

"I've never actually watched the sun set before," he stated out of the blue, deciding to voice his thoughts. In the mellow darkness, he had to squint to make out Pamela's features, but he could hear the amusement carry out in her voice.

"Sure you have," she giggled, pulling herself up. "I don't believe it for one second."

"Well," he started, turning his gaze skyward again. "Yeah. I have seen a setting sun before. But I've never watched it fade from light to darkness in one go, doing nothing but staring for hours."

Pam followed his gaze, her smile flickering to a ghost of a memory etched on her lips. Adriano found himself studying the way her mouth moved as she spoke. "Not many people have," she admitted, fiddling with a shoelace. "Though it is lovely, isn't it?"

"Definitely." He used his index finger and thumb on both hands to make a rectangle shape, holding his arms up and squint through his makeshift camera. "I just want to capture it on a canvas forever, but it seems too hard a task."

Pamela turned to look at him again, with such a tender fondness it warmed him to his toes. "Too hard even for you?" she teased.

A faint chuckle escaped his lips. The compliment filled him with such an indescribable joy, coming from her mouth, but he wasn't sure what to say, especially under the circumstances. His head was spinning and he couldn't think straight.

So he settled with "Yeah," barely loud enough for her to hear. When he feared the conversation had reached a dead end, he spoke again, just to hear the sound of her voice. "I don't know how to describe it," he said, catching her attention. "It feels like I've been here forever, but that forever lasts only a day."

She laughed, a light, carefree sound that melted in his ears. "Very eloquent, Adrie."

He flinched at the pet name, but then she leaned over him and all thoughts turned incomprehensible. Her elbow by his shoulder, her side on his chest, eyes staring intently at his. He swallowed, skin tingling at her touch, his heart fluttering in his chest like a feather caught in the wind, his muscles turned to dough. He could smell fresh paint and canvases; her sweet, addictive scent. Then she leaned closer with her big, grey eyes, studying him with an impish smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Maybe tomorrow we can watch it rise."

He could feel her breath caressing his face. Then the rest of the world became a blur as she closed her eyes, cupped his face, and kissed him again.

© 2012 Frankie

Author's Note

This is just practise, not a real story. It still needs work, but feedback is helpful as I want to improve. Thanks.


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Added on November 28, 2012
Last Updated on November 28, 2012



Derbyshire, United Kingdom

I love writing. So much in fact that my friends all think I'm weird because I actually enjoy writing in my FREE time, and don't see it as work. Most of the time. Being different? I relish in the th.. more..