The Stranger

It all started 3 weeks ago. I was sitting out in the Fields watching the sun come up. The birds were all saying good morning to each other. The deer were just starting to wake as the first rays of light kissed the sky's. I smile as i sat there wishing my prince would come take me from this place i called home. I turn to my horse " lightning why do i hope for something that will never happen?" as if lighting understood what Elena said she came over and nudged her. "Time to get up and start the day" as Elena walked back she hears a loud crash that scares her horse, as Elena try's to grab her lead rope she feels a pain in her head and everything goes dark. " Hey, Hey are you okay?" Elena sat up really fast . "Where i'am whoa"  she gets light headed and falls backwards." " I got you. Your safe sleep my sweet flower." Elena looked at the stranger but could not see his face. " Who are you?" she says as she passes back out. " All in good time." The stranger says. He carefully lays her down and puts the covers over her. He smiles as he looks at her sleeping. " In a field full of flowers you are the sweetest of them all. Damn i need to remember that one for when she is awake" He gets up to put wood on the fire. He looks at her one more time and leans over her kisses her forehead. "I'am always with you my flower. I promise." He whispers in her ear then turns and disappears into the night.

Reviews

[SweetNutmeg]

This is an intriguing beginning. I'm not sure about this fellow, I question his motives. I also don't understand how Elena was knocked unconscious. I am looking forward to finding out.

Now for some boring, nit-picky grammar stuff. Every new quote from a new speaker needs a new paragraph. You might want to break up even those quotes that are by the same person, to set them off and give them room so we can better notice them. There's a reason for this grammar rule and following it will make it easier for your reader to navigate your story.

This is a good start, leaving us with lots of questions, which make your reader want to turn to the next chapter.

[Richard simpson]

Great start, leaves me hanging on more to eat and swallow up whole. I love the feel you put in the character's and the surrounding drama and questions left unanswered. Point me to the next chapter I got more to read. Great work. :)