One in a Million

Engulfing the steel pole

Legs wrapped around securely

Leaning back as her eyes roll

Her eyes stare firmly

She’s dancing for your money

Yeah, taste her sweat, engulf her

Pay enough, taste the honey

Night fall, she begins to slur

Morning comes, she’s forgotten you

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

The heart of your character is very well portrayed, and the fact she's willing to make men believe they are special when they really are but dust in the wind is a really clever way to express your feelings towards stripping as a job. Well done, I quite liked this.

[justjenn_2u]

Thanks so much for your review. Respect.

[Jack...]

This certainly gets its point across I will say. Nicely penned, almost as if having a conversation with a friend and laughing at the outcome.

[justjenn_2u]

Thank you for your review. I have this conversation with myself. Madness but revealing.

[Jack...]

And you're talking to someone you trust. :)

[Donald Meikle]

Another day another dollar. A life of tomorrows

[m.s.early]

The word engulf is strategically placed and certainly makes the image more vivid... opening, swallowing, taking, provoking.

When the sixth line opens with "Yeah,", the slang presents the urban feel like Seager's "Down on Main Street".

The last lines seem to present guilt and remorse after the transaction goes beyond "just a dance". The human mind creates a crevice where to store unpleasant memories uncomfortable to recall. You do an excellent job at capturing how she escapes the world in the dance, and escapes the guilt with alcohol.

Morning is a wonderful sanctuary, but only lasts until noon and after that we are back into the cycle before we know it. I personally, appreciate the complexity expressed in minimal lines. Efficient. Great job.

[larryb]

Outstanding erotic write Jenn...I can taste and feel that sweet honey dribble down my chin.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I like how you get to the heart of this character. You sum her up in a very concise way, in only 9 lines! That is a skill! I am not at all very good at keeping myself to a few short lines, but this is compressed very well. Your "writing from the heart" has obviously served you here! I agree it is very intuitively written. I am also glad though, that don't get wrapped up in rhyming as much as in meaning. It is an odd number of lines, in a way...If you were writing to some kind of formula, but you aren't which is why it works so well! It has a feeling almost like three related haiku poems. The first three lines are all about the pole dance, then next three move into the observer's perspective on her, and then the last three lines are a summary of her character. Your intuition really works here (not to say your skill isn't also playing a great part)!

[justjenn_2u]

Thanks again for reviewing. I will be give some reviews on your page soon.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Well no need to tit for tat...no quid pro quo. I just thought I should look into some of yours.

[Sami Khalil]

Hot and sensual but elegantly written...Bravo.............

[Luke Rawlings]

You avoided the sterotypical 'empty' feeling I expected and focused on the viewer's perspective. I liked it with the simple structure to add to the effect that in the end, it is that simple. You are forgotten. A good piece, well done :)

[SuicidePact.]

Can I have your brain.. This is brilliance in such a short piece.

[Frieda P]

I can see the guys drooling now...tough job. Tricky dancing on that pole, you must be quite limber. Interesting read. Lot's of moxy in this one...kudos.

I think it should be 'she's forgotten you'...

[justjenn_2u]

I thought that may be a useful change.

[Frieda P]

Not sure what you mean...

[justjenn_2u]

Changing the word to forgotten. I did edit it. Thanks for the critique.

[Frieda P]

Oh right, sorry didn't notice, now it's perfect...my pleasure jenn. :-)