Poem from Poetry Class Spring 2015 “Hungry Dog”

This was kind of a prompt for class

            “Hungry Dog”

 

Like a gleam of brilliance

that ignites the seashore,

the beginning of the

 juxtaposition of wonder is

a stray dog is caged by openness.

The canine diet is supplemented

by the unpalatable flavor of fruit.

The seeds of melon are gladly devoured

by this mongrel

who digests the with flawless travail, dripping

saliva and remnants

Of things that are easily devoured .

The hound beset the chore of digestion

consumes hesitantly.

Choking on seeds is easy

When dogs bark too softly

Or too loudly, to

know when to open

the locks and unleash

 

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

i am so frustrated .. i had my review all done and hit the wrong button aaaaaaarrgh!
anyway ..first two lines inspires all kinds images ... a breach, sunrise and sunset over the oceans ..
i am unable to put an anchor on the enigma .. who or what the mongrel is ... so i decided that you are very simply talking about a hungry dog ;) tho there are some great metaphors one could attach to tha hungry dog :)
in the 7th line i think you might not have meant the "is"
i stumble a little over those beginning lines ... perhaps something rearranged like:

Like the gleam of brilliance
igniting the seashore,
juxtaposition of wonder is
a stray dog caged by openness.

but perhaps that ruins your intention ... there is a lot of good stuff in this one .. but i think you could work it just a bit more and accomplish a more pointed purpose
love and joy
E.