Bullet For Your Pain?

Bullet For Your Pain?

A Poem by karmic

I slowly close my eyes

To block out all the memories that seem to never die

I don’t know how long this pain will last

But my present feels like my past

I cover my feelings with a laugh

But this pain is cutting me in half

I hold my breath

Until my awaited death

But still doesn’t put my mind at ease

Just infects it more like a disease

Every thought feels like a hallow dream

Twist and turns till it’s not what it seems

Bitter touch

Graceful clutch

It all feels the same

I cut deeper but it all goes in vain

I don’t know what I lack

But it always leads me to the back of the pack

With this I’m suppose to cope

Being paid with lies and selling away my hope

I know this pain I didn’t make

But hopefully this bullet will remove the ache

 

© 2009 karmic


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Reviews

I like the idea of this piece very much.. it opens with darkness and intensity but allow me to make a few suggestions for improvement. Such as misuse of the word "hallow." It actually means "holy" and by what I read in the context of the surrounding verse, you most likely meant "hollow." Also changing the misspelled "suppose" to "supposed" would lend you more credibility to you as a writer.. and then something to think about: "I cut deeper but it all goes in vain.." it's not a very strong line but it COULD be.. I actually thought about a play on the idea of it being a cut and then talking about a vein since your title refers to taking a bullet for your pain.. all the more reason that a cut to the vein could be a viable precursor to that.. anyway, I hope these suggestions prove useful.

Posted 3 Years Ago


very very nice. thanks for sharing this wonderful poem.

Posted 3 Years Ago


nice emotions
i love that a lot
this feeling is so real and it is hurting when break up
love is a nice memory

Posted 9 Years Ago


a dark poem, but a good one. to me it shows truth of reality, and of pain

Posted 10 Years Ago


i feel u, ive had many moments like this, but out of pain comes beauty

Posted 10 Years Ago


can it make the pain go away, remember u still leave people who really do care.
like the poem

XXOO tatiana andrea perez harris tuner

Posted 10 Years Ago


amazingly dark. its true and well writen. good write!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Amazing very dark. cool I love it!

Posted 10 Years Ago


A suicide escape... so peaceful to the mind, but remorseful for this world who claims to love us. We try to run from it, but some how it keeps pace with us, and there's no where else left to run. We give up, and give in to the sweet temptation of a quick escape... ~Olivia McClain... now known as Lisette Wroth~

Posted 11 Years Ago


The emotion is strong in this poem, excellent work...

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on November 1, 2009
Last Updated on December 13, 2009


Author

karmic
karmic

new york, NY



About
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