casual ramblings

instead of being grateful for what you have, you concentrate on what you lack.

how, at 23, can i feel so…old?  i feel like a one hundred year old woman, experienced all she can experience.  but i don’t feel satisfied, i just feel bored.  is this it?  like, is this really it?  suddenly, kissing a new boyfriend is comparable to doing a load of laundry.  it has been done so many times, it is calloused emotion.  music is just noise.  laughter is just a coping mechanism.  my writing is s****y and unoriginal.  am i really out of milk already?  suddenly, I just do not care about meeting new people.  they are just copies of copies of copies.  being alone makes me feel insignificant.  being out with crowds makes me want to be alone.  and the worst part, the very worst part, is that 99 percent of people that i meet don’t get where im coming from.  either they don’t feel emotions as deeply as i do, or they strive every single day to mask any feelings.  they don’t want to look vulnerable or needy to other people.  but i need people who are vulnerable and who are needy.  the only thing that makes this deep void in my soul dissipate is complete resignment to hiding myself.  sometimes, i feel like i am the only human and everyone else is just an ape.  they might as well be.  happy. sad. angry.  thats all they ever feel.  

 i just want to hear the words, “i know what you mean.”  

Author's Note

I didn't use proper punctuation on purpose! This was originally posted on my blog on my tumblr account.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

Sounds like you living in a world, doing battle with clones of society. I agree completely that the masses are in the most part copies of others. It's far and few between that you find one who's broken the mold and bloomed into their essence as an individual.
I figured most people have gotten stuck on the mass market belief that belonging and fitting in is a good thing, so they never strive to be more than just the bare minimum that society deems socially correct. It is a sad time we live in, because of this.
Finding one who actually gets you, the individual, has become harder and harder...like pulling teeth from a sleeping dragon. Even more rare is finding one that has the right translation system in their heart, soul and mind, so that they understand you without bringing about even more heartache and frustration.
Your closing line truly does express the basic need of the lone individual. Those people are rare... but they are out there.

Thanks for sharing!
Aaron

[Rasputin]

Protip: When people say "I know what you mean", they're usually full of s**t. That's why I won't say it to you now, because chances are, I don't. But I'm no stranger to disillusionment and alienation- I'm only 22, but I feel like I'm at the end of my rope most of the time. Anywho, thanks for writing this. And remember- I don't know s**t about what you mean!

[Reaching for the clouds]

I know what you mean....

:0 ((Kidding!))

Straight up....i like this. Very often i feel like this too.

[tekphobik]

Hey, "I know what you mean." For serious.

[K.R.]

I know what you mean...

K.

[Cyrano]

"i know what you mean". this is harnessed emotion. Good s**t

[bob, small b. aka invs]

i read this, then looked along the right side of the page where they put the ads. the three listed......"symptoms of depression"....."depression treatment"....."maybe you have depression." maybe they're trying to tell you something? i don't mean to make light of your feelings. god knows i don't take depression lightly. my wife's been fighting with it for 10 years. but it does leave open the possibility that your attitude/feelings are a product of you brain chemistry and not external forces. if that might be the case, don't hesitate to seek treatment. no sense if being miserable if meds will help.
i can't give you the "i know what you mean" that you may want, but i can relate on a lot of levels. in my case, the ennui that i felt when i was younger faded with age and i seem to have regained a sense of wonder again. i don't know what your future holds, but things don't stay the same forever. hang in there.