Instant Heart

a couple meet over the internet and their relationship developes

It was 3 o’clock and I was ready to head home. I liked school, but there was nothing like going home and chatting to friends on the Internet.  I have found the most influential and kind people there. Yes not everyone is like that on the Internet but that’s also true in real life. When the bus came to a halt at my stop I turned and said goodbye to my best friend Amy. “Bye I’ll text you later and let you know about the gathering at my house.” In honour of the boy wizard’s birthday I decided I wanted a party, and by party I mean a day of eating junk food watching Harry Potter, listening to wizard rock and playing Harry Potter scene it. This and the thought of having 6 weeks off for our school holiday made for a very distracted walk to my door. As I opened the door I was greeted by my little sister hugging me around the waist. “Yay Claire’s home” She looked up at me with a big smile on her face, being 7 she was still in the stage of thinking I was amazing at everything. “Hey Sophie, how was school?”  She shrugged at me and smiled a little “It was boring until we got to choose a book to read if we had finished our work. I always finish so I can read my Harry Potter books.” Yes I Claire Evens have converted my sister into a potter head.  After sitting down with the family for tea I made my way to my room and with full intention of doing my research and homework, I turn on my laptop. Now I should say that I do not help myself in this instance as my homepage is not a search engine but my favourite website. This leads to Facebook being open and me looking at the nerdfighter fan page. ‘WHY didn't I know of this group before? WHY, I ask???? This world has proven to be unfair to the likes of me...’ Some person had commented on the page and I saw a comment below saying “Nerdfighteria welcomes you with open arms” this made me smile and I added a comment “yes, now revel in new friend making”. I smiled to myself thinking that someone was about to make new friends in this community, which instantly accepts anyone. As I was checking my news feed I saw a friend request from the boy who had commented on the post. James, his name was, seemed very nice and charming. Needless to say I neglected my homework and we got to talking on chat for most of the night.
Claire Evens: Well... I do have grapes
James Wilkinson: GRAPES!? !? B***h
Claire Evens: B*****d
James Wilkinson: W***e
Claire Evens: Useless w***e actually
James Wilkinson: You wouldn't make a good w***e?
Claire Evens:  I really wouldn’t
James Wilkinson: Why not?
Claire Evens:  I just wouldn’t
James Wilkinson: liar! *raspberry*

Claire Evens: where do you live anyway?

James Wilkinson: Harrow
Claire Evens:  Ah so near me? Interesting, I really should do my work you know...
James Wilkinson: well don't let me stop you; I don't like to be a bad influence on people. Although I don't help the situation by being more interesting then homework
Claire Evens: I said I should probably do it, not that I was going to.
James Wilkinson: well isn't someone a rebel. What are you meant to be doing anyway?
Claire Evens: I meant to be writing an essay on Stanislavski, you know the practitioner known for his thrilling research...

James Wilkinson: oh yes ever so thrilling I think I’m going to have to leave you in order to do some research of my own as I am so jealous...
Claire Evens: well you’ll be missing out on a Stanislavski party on webcam it might get naughty.

James Wilkinson: I’ll just have to catch the next one, now do your work and I’ll leave you in peace till next time. Good night.
Claire Evens: Night.

 

I did my work, eventually; it took me a few hours to gather enough usable information or my essay. I slipped into my pyjamas and snuggled into bed and every muscle in my body relaxed. There was no better place in the world then my bed. If I could take it everywhere with me I would. I was soon asleep and due to my conversation with James had a night of restful sleep and pleasant dreams. I woke up with a smile still on my face. Being in a good mood meant I was ready for school in a matter of minutes. I walked down stairs to see my mother making mine and my sister’s lunch. I went over to the counter and offered to help, seeing as I was usually not a morning person this was not my usual behaviour, alerting my mum to my mood. “What's made you so happy? You’re grinning like an idiot.” I stood still with my mouth slightly open feigning shock and disgust. “How very dare you I am a delight every minute of every day and as my mother I expect you to lie to me and lavish me with compliments all the time.”  I laughed as I hugged her around the waist. She smiled down at me and kissed me on the head “you’ll be late for school.” I grabbed my bag and walked out the door and towards the bus stop. As I turned the corner to catch the bus Amy was waiting to hug me. “Hi, how was your night?” I blushed slightly as I thought about my conversation with James last night. “It was... eventful.” Amy looked at me confused. “What happened? Why are blushing? What are you keeping form me?” She turned to me and pushed me playfully. “Well I started talking to this guy last night. He’s really nice and quite hot. We spoke for hours on chat.” As we got on the bus and took our seats, Amy was just looking at me. “Well do I get to see him?” I took out my phone and showed her a picture of James. “Oh My God he is fit.” I just looked at her smug “I know right?” We were walking to the school about to go in. As it was our last day for the year, had no real work to do we would be able to go on to facebook and talk to James.

Claire Evens: ha I win I win I W I N
James Wilkinson: you're too mean! Big fat gloater!
Claire Evens: you calling me fat?! I’m kidding I am a bad winner
James Wilkinson: A bad winner? You? Never!!
Claire Evens: Aww than... ohh sarcasm ehh fine!!
James Wilkinson: sarcasm? Of course not!
Claire Evens: GOD DAMN IT I hate computers! I ended up deleting what you just sent and I didn’t read it
James Wilkinson: Don't worry, I wasn’t talking to you any way.
Claire Evens: ohh I’m sorry I must be mistaken I’m so sorry
James Wilkinson: was that sarcasm?
Claire Evens: Sarcastic?? What?? Never!!!!
James Wilkinson: Of cours. . . HEY!!! Indeed it is!
Claire Evens: I win again don’t know why but I do
James Wilkinson: I want to win!
Claire Evens: NO *raspberry* la la la

Amy turned to my screen and looked at our conversation “No wonder you get along so well he’s the male version of you.” She laughed and turned back to her own to give me some privacy. Because the computer room and library were full of people wanting to use the computers we weren’t allowed on them for long to make it fair for everyone. It was lunch time and I was still thinking about James. Amy was trying to get my attention for a while before I realised. “CLAIRE!” I snapped out of my day dream. “umm I’m sorry. What is it Amy?” She looked at me suspicion in her eyes. “You were thinking about him weren’t you?” I blushed as I tried to form a response that didn’t give me away or make me sound weird. “I knew it. You really like him don’t you?” I nodded my head realising how much I liked him and feeling ridiculous I barely knew him.

 

As the weeks went on I was getting more and more attached to him and our conversations. We were talking almost every day in the holidays. I would go out with my friends and have a good time, but all the while I would be thinking about James.
James Wilkinson: You look scene but you have more than two emotions.
Claire Evens: doesn’t everyone??  Have more than 2 emotions I mean
James Wilkinson: Scene kids seem very shallow and self obsessed.
Claire Evens: but I am both of those things
James Wilkinson: yeh, but you're also other things. Like sweet, caring, emotional.
Claire Evens: well I try to be nice and I care way too much about what people think about me
James Wilkinson: Yeh, but most people are like that. Although there's really only one person who I care what they think of me . . . .
Claire Evens: well I guess that true and I'm betting they like you and think you really nice
James Wilkinson: Do you think so?
Claire Evens: well you are nice and funny
James Wilkinson: I'm blushing. You do know I was talking about you?
Claire Evens: No, my new hair colour has taken over my mind
James Wilkinson: Sarcasm be damned!
Claire Evens: it’s harder over the Internet
James Wilkinson: don't worry, it still shows on the net.
Claire Evens: yeah but it harder to convey
James Wilkinson: I just imagined you saying it as it was written
Claire Evens: well that works I guess
James Wilkinson: indeed it does. I'm going to be off now. Talk again soon. Bye
I would go to bed and wake up hoping to find a message from him somewhere so I checked all of my social networks and this particular day was a bad one because I did find a message from James.

Dear Claire,

I don’t know how to say this but I'm moving we won’t be able to meet as easily as we thought. I really hope we can though; it would be lovely to get to know you in the flesh. Please don’t be disheartened we can make whatever this is work. Well I’m going to let you read this now. Again I'm sorry and remember I’m disappointed too.

As I read the message I felt numb and silly. Why was I so affected by this news I hardly knew the boy and I had never met him why was I so upset that he was leaving? I just sat in my room that day trying to figure things out in my mind. I listened to my music lying on my bed trying to think if I should reply to this message or not. I had done it before had friends on the internet for a few months that the communication went stale, why should this be different? But as I thought of this option it hurt me and I knew I couldn’t do it. So I replied.

James

Don’t feel bad about the situation; it’s not your fault. Don’t worry about me that’s silly just have fun in your new place.

I felt a little better after getting my thoughts organised. That night I saw him online.
Claire Evens: Why are boys so complicated??? I hate it!!!
James Wilkinson: most boys aren't complicated. I'm not. You know talking to you; I could really fall for someone like you. But then how likely is that?
Claire Evens: you want to stay away from people like me. I'm an emotional wreck, dependent, self conscious, high maintenance, attention seeking, weird, constantly need reassuring, confusing and just plain crazy, you want someone better
James Wilkinson: All those things weren't bad, plus you've also got the qualities that you think are good. I'm going to go off now but I'm going to tell you that I hate myself for liking you so much
Claire Evens: OK honestly don't hate yourself I'm not worth it I'm not sure I know you that well and it would be nice to actually talk to you in the flesh for one I think you’re really sweet, lovely and you make me laugh and have listened to me whine so I'm thankful for that. I feel very privileged that you could tell me that thank you, I'll talk to you later, xxx
James Wilkinson: OK, a few things. You saying all that made my day. You are worth it, don't talk yourself down. Oh, and thanks for saying the nice things. They cheered me up; it was hard for me to put that in the message.
Claire Evens: well I'm glad I could make your day, I'm really not but thank you for thinking so. It’s no problem I mean them, and I knew it was hard that's why I felt quite trusted I could never do that

I didn’t sleep that night my head was spinning. He could fall for me?! I never thought in a million years that he would feel anything like that for me. I called Amy and told her what he said “wow, so how do you feel about that?” I had to think about my answer as I didn’t know myself. I opened my mouth to answer but the words didn’t want to come out. “Claire? Are you still there?” I heard a tinge of panic in Amy’s voice so I answered her as best I could. “I don’t know I'm still trying to figure out if I hate him or like him. I hate him for telling me all this now, now that he’s going away, what can it achieve except making me think there might be a chance and stopping me from moving on.” I lay on my bed and thought everything through “I have to make up my mind don’t I?” I asked Amy apprehension in my voice “Yes you do.” I sighed “Well I think I’ll get to thinking about that I’ve got to go. Night” and I hung up and tried to sleep but all I was doing was stressing about James.

 

The next morning I was still struggling with what I should do. But I knew the answer as all I wanted to do was check to see if he was online or had left me another message. He was online and I started talking to him. But I gave myself a time limit this time as I wanted to get out of the house and stop my dependence on our conversations it wasn’t healthy. I was feeling a bit ill and needed some fresh air anyway.
Claire Evens: breathing is giving me a headache
James Wilkinson: Stop breathing then. It sounds painful.
Claire Evens: I'm sorry I'm breathing
James Wilkinson: wouldn’t want you in pain now would we?
Claire Evens: of course not
James Wilkinson: Your new profile picture is beautiful.
Claire Evens: well thanks I think I have hamster cheeks in that picture
James Wilkinson: Are the hamster cheeks a bad thing? I think they look cute. I'm glad crazy a*s people like that exist. It makes life much more fun. I'm leaving tomorrow! :'(
Claire Evens: yeah it does but when I'm that crazy people look at me like what the f**k. Where are you going you never told me?
James Wilkinson: I've found that people think that about me too I'm going to Jersey.

Clair Evens: wow that’s far, but I guess it could be worse. That's still classed as Britain.

James Wilkinson: I know, I hate my parents for making me go. You know I have no choice right, that if I could I would stay there with you?

Claire Evens: I know you would, but I don’t know if that makes thing worse or not. Any way I have to go I need to get out of this house.

 

I shut down my computer and went for a walk; I wasn’t sure where I was going or what I wanted to do. I ended up on a bus to Harrow town centre, I don’t know what I was expecting if I was expecting anything. Maybe I was hoping I would bump into him on a last minute rush to get something for the move. But I was wondering around all sorts of different shops with no real interest in anything. I just wondered aimlessly around picking things up and not really looking at them. When it got to about 4 o’clock I thought I had best head back so I did. The bus ride was not what I needed time on my own with nothing else but to think. I gave up looked out the window and let my mind wonder with the stimulants going past. When I got in and turned on my computer I have a message from James.

22/07/09  
This is probably the my last message for quite a while so I'll leave you something to think about.
I genuinely think I've fallen for you.

I went straight to bed.

 

The next week all I did was wait for James to come online. I didn’t know what to say to his message so I hadn’t replied. By the end of the week I had work I didn’t like work at the best of times, but today was particularly bad. My boss wouldn’t stop giving me hassle all day. She seemed to particularly hate me more than all the other staff. When my day finally ended I went home and sulked in my room for a little while. After an hour I decided to turn my computer on and was all too happy to see James online.
James Wilkinson: I'VE GOT AN INTERNET CONNECTION!!!

Claire Evens: yup and I am on verge of tears because I DON'T want to spend 7 hours with my judgemental, bitchy, sly, conniving, bullying, patronising, humiliating, hairy lipped B***H FACE W***E of a boss
James Wilkinson: Then go in there and tell her to f**k off, she can shove her job. You don't need that kind of s**t
Claire Evens: I'm not allowed to
James Wilkinson: Oh . . . um . . . just don't cry, she's not worth it.
Claire Evens: I'm just so frustrated I want to throw things and scream and cry
James Wilkinson: Scream into pillows. It'll help so much. I know.
Claire Evens: I’ll try that thanks
James Wilkinson: Use a fairly thick pillow though or someone might hear you. I like your hair blond
Claire Evens: I’ll keep that in mind
James Wilkinson: I think I've started feeling something I'm going to regret
Claire Evens:  Like what? And why would you regret it??
James Wilkinson: I'm not sure if I should say.
Claire Evens:  OK you don't have to say.
James Wilkinson: I'm in love with someone
 Again after the conversation ended I went to bed. This carried on for a while, getting up talking to James then going to bed not really eating afraid of missing anytime with him. Of course I would never tell him that but I knew that was why I had no appetite unless he was offline. Amy called round a few times but was never able to get more than a few words out of me at a time. ”Claire you have to get out more and talk to us, we know you're feeling low and we want to help you but we can’t if you don’t let us.” Amy sighed hugged me and walked out of my room and down the stairs. I felt guilty that I was pushing her away but I couldn’t help it. I was trying but it was obviously not working. James came online this again didn’t help.
James Wilkinson: If I told you that I thought you were beautiful, would you think I was bullshitting you?
Claire Evens: yes because there is no way I am
James Wilkinson: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I think you are achingly beautiful.
Claire Evens: Achingly?? Really??
James Wilkinson: Yup, achingly beautiful.
Claire Evens: well... I've never been told that before thanks
James Wilkinson: Really? Never? I find that hard to believe!
Claire Evens: yeah no one calls me beautiful like ever
James Wilkinson: I honestly can't see why no one's said it before.
Claire Evens: honestly no one has
James Wilkinson: Well I'll make you a promise that I will never lie to you.
Claire Evens: I’ll hold you to that
James Wilkinson: Feel free
Claire Evens: OK I will

 

And again I went to bed.

 

This pattern continued for a few more weeks before school started again. I wasn’t looking forward to facing my neglected friends. Over the weeks their attempts at communication lessened and who could blame them they had tried and now given up adding to my sullen mood. The only time my mood got better was talking to James.
James Wilkinson: Here’s a crazy thought, when I get back how about we go out and do something
Claire Evens: yeah sounds good to me
James Wilkinson: Awesome! Looking forward to it.
Claire Evens: cool then
James Wilkinson: Cool indeed. Most excellent.

I hadn’t been thinking and I realised.

Claire Evens: WOAH did you just say you were coming back?

James Wilkinson: yes, yes I did are you excited? I can’t wait to see you.

Claire Evens: where are you staying? Where will we meet? When did this happen? When are you coming back?

James Wilkinson: Woah slow down. Not sure where I'm staying yet might be at a friend’s. We can meet anywhere you feel comfortable. About a month ago and I’m coming this weekend.

I almost fell of my chair; I was shocked, excited and mad.

Claire Evens: YOU DIDNT TELL ME!

James Wilkinson: I wanted it to be a surprise plus now you don’t have to wait so long.

I considered this for a second before replying.

Claire Evens: I’m still mad at you.

James Wilkinson: ok, well I have to go pack I’ll see you soon.

 I left the chat and got straight in to bed, this time not sulking or wishing the time by but excited and making plans. I would contact my friends tomorrow and apologise for my behaviour. Then I would organise things for James and I to do. I was surprised and scared at the complete shift in my mood from several small words but I ignored this. The next day I was practically jumping up and down the entire day, my change in mood went unnoticed by no one. “What’s up with you all of a sudden?” my mum asked me looking worried and slightly relieved. “Nothing, it’s just a lovely day outside.” I walked out the door and headed to Amy’s house. When I got there I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. As she did I smiled widely “I know I’ve been a terrible friend recently but I'm back and I'm going to be the best friend I can be to make it up to you! And to start we’re going shopping!” Amy just looked at me then jumped on me and gave me a hug “I missed you!” We stood there hugging for a we noticed we were getting odd looks for people walking past. Amy got her things and we went shopping. It was only a matter of time before the questions started. “So, what's changed your mood?” and I looked away embarrassed just what I was hoping she wouldn’t ask. “Well, James is coming over this weekend and I know what you’re thinking but honestly I’m ok. I won’t go back to that sulky girl sat indoors all day waiting for him to come online. It made me realise that it’s ok if he’s gone for a while I’ll still get to see him and talk to him maybe not as often as I would like but it’s enough until the circumstances change.” Amy looked at me and smiled “I’m glad you’re happy again.” and hugged me. We walked around the shops and laughed like nothing had happened in the last few weeks. We spent most of the day walking around shops and didn’t realise the time when we both had to be home so we got on the bus. The whole of Friday I didn’t stay still. I was all over the place trying to find things to do. I would try and relax for a little while but I would get impatient again. I did my homework that I had to do over the summer it was due in soon anyway. And that was it nothing left to do, so I went to bed and watched films until I feel asleep. The next morning I woke up at 5am and started getting ready. I showered and did my hair several times until I was happy with it. I was going to meet James in the new shopping centre a safe place to meet with lots of people although I wasn’t suspicious. When it was time to leave I was worried I was going to be sick. I knew it was nerves but I was still worried I would mess this up. The bus ride was long and boring. I was counting the stops that would take me to James. When the bus finally stopped I bounded of trying not to knock people over, I was just so excited. I stood in the area we were meant to meet waiting for him to arrive. I was looking in every direction hopping to see him. As I was looking around searching for a sign of him someone came behind me and out their hands over my eyes. My heart skipped a beat when I turned around and there he was in the flesh tall and handsome I couldn’t catch my breath. He looked down at me smiling “What do you have planned for us today?” I pointed in the direction of the cinema he smiled and nodded as he led the way.  I couldn’t believe I was finally with him and as we took our seat for the movie, he lifted up the arm rest and opened his arm I hesitated for a few seconds before deciding to cuddle into him. Throughout the movie he didn’t try anything he just held me tight like he didn’t want to let go. After the movie we went to a small park where we swung on the swings for a while without talking. After a time James turned to me and broke the silence “I have something to tell you. There’s a reason I’m back.” I looked up at him and wondered what he was going to say I nodded my head in encouragement. “I'm moving here.” I slowed my swing and finally came to a stop “You're moving here?” he nodded “I’ll be able to see you all the time?” he nodded again. I ran to him and jumped in to his arms and whispered into his ear “I love you.” And he simply replied “I love you too."