cold-sharp-metal-addiction

cold-sharp-metal-addiction

A Poem by Kiera Scanlon

Her skin is like porcelain,
Fair and pale.
A tortured soul.
She is keeping a secret,
A hidden wonder.

Blood dripping down upon her dress,
And splattered across her body.
Her hands gripping tightly upon the handle of an axe.

Bodies,
Sprawled and lifeless,
Cold and pale,
Still and brittle,
Silent and motionless.

She smiles at the memories of the screams,
Screams of terror,
Screams of pain,
Screams as the sharp, cold metal sliced through their limbs. 

Torn from their bodies,
Their flesh,
It heals.
A painful and bloody death.


Could she have done all this?

© 2014 Kiera Scanlon


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Reviews

This is greatly written
This is quite dark

I enjoy to read it ^^

Posted 7 Years Ago


I like that for the first two stanzas, I assumed this was about self harm. Up until "this handle of an axe."

Why "this handle" and not "the handle"?
For consistency, capitalize "sprawled and lifeless," and "their flesh"
Watch for verb tense. "She smiles at the memories ... cold metal sliced through". Should it be slices?

Like that you called her secret a "hidden wonder", that was my first hint that this poem would be different.
Enjoyed the descriptor of brittle for bodies. Not a typical descriptor, but it is in line with porcelin and stillness.

I was thrown by the last floating line "Could 'she' have done all this?" In my opinion it doesn't fit the rhythm (choppier) nor the style (stacked descriptors) of your poem.
What are you trying to convery with the last line? This is not a rhetorical question - I hope you answer it in a comment so I can understand your intentions.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Profoundly visual! Love it!!!!!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Reads like a nightmare recalled. The mystery is left open. Will there be a follow up poem ?


Posted 7 Years Ago


I love the visual effect of this one. It's beautiful in a macabre way

Posted 7 Years Ago


Bodies,
sprawled and lifeless,
Cold and pale,
Still and brittle,
Silent and motionless.

Too mystorical write. Awe....the axe is cutting my soul. Too sharp.... Very Good write dear.

Posted 7 Years Ago


The mystery that surrounds this girl inspires the mind of how this came to be. Well done, Kiera.

Posted 7 Years Ago


i hope not. i see no smile so I give you mine!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Quite hard to read for me, it's the white writing and black background, the wording however is sweeping and memorable.

Posted 7 Years Ago


I agree with "Misery" there is multiple ways to view this yet the imagery was on spot. You did good on this. Well done.

Posted 7 Years Ago



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22482 Views
63 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on April 6, 2012
Last Updated on May 26, 2014

Author

Kiera Scanlon
Kiera Scanlon

waterford, Ireland



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