Chrysalis

Something different from me....a little more spiritual

Chrysalis

 

Cold nights

Awaiting transformation

I dreamt of flying

 

Immeasurably alone

My soul begged

To be reborn

 

My body’s not mine

So defenseless,

But I let his hands mold me.

 

Spun me with gold

And silk and strength

And I waited

And dreamt of flying

 

Beautiful wings had been broken

My flight had been interrupted

By cruel creatures with

Crippling intentions

 

But I let his hands mold me

Spun me with gold

And silk and strength

And I waited

And dreamt of flying

 

And when I emerged

The light blinded

And the colors radiated

As a rainbow on the highest mountaintop

I left the chrysalis

Where the Lord molded me

And flew to where he guided me….

 

Kena SunGoddess Dawn

Author's Note

I read a poem called "Chrysalis Diary" from a Award winning poetry book, and it inspired me to write this. I know it is a different type of poem for me to write, I haven't written a spiritual-positive type of poem in a while. It feels a little odd, but hopefully I can make a change.

Reviews

[David Scott]

I like the poem. We have these transformational moments in life often. We are not like the butterfly in this way. They get one shot at it. We can go back over and over again and decide to take our being into the next realm. I like the "spiritual" quality of the write. Most poetry is spiritual in one way or another...
Good to read you fine poetry today.

[Andrew Reeves]

Hey there Kena,

I find your poem to be beautiful for a couple reasons. First, the opening stanza sums up the poem nicely. It is direct, and the first line describes the setting in two short words, which reveals the poem's tone. I wasn't really sold on the word "transformation" though. Your poem is so colorful that I feel you need a different word here, "rebirth" perhaps? Secondly, the imagery is amazing, and I think you should expand on that a bit more. Lines like "he spun me with gold and silk..." reinforce the picture you are painting for the reader.

Couple suggestions for you. I think this poem would pack more of a punch if you wrote it in present tense. There is a sense of urgency in this poem as the speaker is waiting to emerge and take flight. I think this would be better conveyed with presence tense, because the sense of urgency I mentioned becomes all the more palpable. Secondly, the "he" in the third stanza isn't revealed until later (last stanza). Consider revealing this morsel to your reader earlier, as it really does define the entire message in the poem.

Last but not least :) Try to avoid abstract concepts. Give us raw detail and description. For example, in the third stanza, "strength" could be conveyed in a more concrete way. What kind of strength are you speaking of here? Can you illustrate it using specific imagery that enhances the poem's meaning?

I also think you can omit the last four lines of the sixth stanza (they are a repeat from stanza #4), and let the remaining line ("But I let his hands mold me") become the first line of the last stanza.

Great job Kena! I enjoyed this poem very much.

Andrew

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

When I wrote I write from the heart. I'm not nit picky. That distracts from the whole creative process thanks for liking it.

[Sami Khalil]

"My soul begged
To be reborn

My body’s not mine
So defenseless,
But I let his hands mold me.

Spun me with gold
And silk and strength"





Wow Kena. I'm blown away by the beauty of this poem. Bravo.......................

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Thank you. Yes, i wrote it 3 years ago after being inspired by a poem we read in my children's lit class about butterflies. I want that inspiration again. I haven't felt like writing poetry lately.

[Sami Khalil]

Wow. Amazing. It will come...Has to be natural...You are welcome...:)....................

[Kia]

I love this and the use of the words make it so clear to see and beautiful at the same time

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Dreams give us hope and a reason to believe... a very inspiring piece you wrote yourself.

[Kimmee Jean]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT! totally what i needed to read today.