my happy place

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“my happy place”

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Every time that I’m here�"

In the bosom of my minds eye�"

I am on a beach-

And it’s always… rain ridden sky�"

And… windy nights-

The gray earl tea sky-

Slipping smoothly, between the cracks of my pineal gland

.

Quite often, I wonder,

“Is this home?”,

As I stand before the ocean,

I think not-

As I wade into the waters outstretched arms,

Welcoming me, beckoning me,

Where is my home?

I ask it,

It does not know-

It does not answer-

It does not look at me,

It only stares into the white spaces in my eyes�" and nothing more,

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.

.

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I rewind,

And see myself walking backwards,

Back to the shore-

I rewind more until the sky is clear, and bright,

And blue,

And free of guilt�"

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There is no one on this beach in my minds eye�"

There never was…

Not even when we were with Kelly�"

I like it here�"

By myself�"

And just myself�"

Nobody else,

No other voices,

Every time I’m here, I cry tears of joy�"

This is my happy place�"

The quiet,

Ocean noises…

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I will never be alone in this world-

That is what I most desire-

To be alone for 24 hours,

In the silence,

In the darkness�"

I wish to be at my beach,

When the skies were clear and the water is calm and still,

Right in this second- it is raging,

And cold-

What did I do to enrage you so?

I hold up my hands and stop it, the wind,

I stop the wind and ask it what is wrong?

I tell it to sing a song and it opens its mouth and sings:

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My weary eyes are about to close

I can’t feel the end of the rope

I’m too close to the ledge, I wonder when it ends coz I’m tired of blowing away,

Find me

Somewhere in the dizzying sky

Oh-

Find me

I don’t know why

But oh my

You’re a sight for sore eyes

My love

Come back to me

My heart

You’re set free

Why can’t you sit still anymore

My hearts on the floor

I’m giving out

Giving up on you

I’m tired of singing crappy songs

And playing out of tune

Aren’t you?

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I let my hands drop to their sides and collapse my body on the soft sandy shore

It carries me away from the ocean tides like hoards of army ants scuttling a different portion of my body up against the cliffs edge

i’ve missed it here

i can almost see the outlines

the cliff

i can feel it

touch it

the tips of my fingers bleed on the surface

jagged

rough

the splints shatter inside my skin

and travel through my bloodstream

it’s so cold

but my hands are strong

.

it starts to rain…

as i knew it would

as the sky is as it was when i first arrive

rain-ridden

i step away for a quick moment and turn around, shedding myself of my clothes..,

i stand, naked and drenched

but happy

i am happy.

this is my happy place.

at the beach.

when it’s raining.

and i’m alone.

and naked.

drenched in heavens water.

i am free.

unburdened.

soaked w the angels tears.

i am pure.

a-washed of all sin.

renewed.

�"

Khat, i got so much out in this poem �"