eternal slumber

this is a dark, depressing poem on the experience of not really suicide but cutting. it is a bit rambling because the character is just rehashing what is in mind. i don't want to spoil the ending but i hope you keep an open mind.

staring blankly at the far wall

my face stained with drying streaks

my heart throbbing ever so fiercely

my breaths deep and shallow, quick and slow

 

i try to calm my rattled nerves

and ease the gripping turmoil

the numbing, throbbing pain engulfs my being

the darkness clouds and there is nothing left

 

"breathe...breathe..." but i refuse to listen

and ignore my brain's attempts at infusing reason

it tires and goes blank and then nothing

and i am overcome with pure emotion

 

slowly i rise from the tangled bed

ignoring the scents of that night's passion

ignoring the vision of him and me

when we were in love so intensely

 

i cross the room and come to find

the deafening silence so unkind

without a soul, whether stranger or friend

i proceeded to an alternate end

 

back in my room with the scents and sights

with the burden of memories and feelings and lies

my hand grasps the sheath of promised release

and tightens around the ultimate reprieve

 

i close my eyes and in a second it was done

or so i thought when i had first begun

but alas life wishes to torture me more

it barely left my wrist feeling sore

 

so over and over the strikes came to rest

until at last the glistening crimson peeks

some more and a steady flow doth rush

and i smile in satisfaction with the temporary ease

 

who knew this pain could be so addictive?

so the next night as the gash started to heal

i began on another below it

until the treasure i sought appeared

 

and so it came that with every scar

and every rush and ooze of dark red blood

my senses left me in reckless abandon

and everything faded along with reason

 

slowly the scent of him drifted away

and the visions became blurred and fogged

and the memories receded to the darkest corners

and the pain sublimated to a better part

 

and thus for several more nights it became a custom

until the depth no longer sufficed

so on one fateful day i decided

i needed something more than a knife

 

so off i went in search

for that weapon that strikes true

and lo and behold i found it

tiny, silver, indeed sharper too

 

off i went again in my abode

resting in that familiar disarray

i stroke and once again with all my might

with abundance i was rewarded on sight

 

the crimson river flowed freely now

even squirted at special times

and i stared awe as if in a trance

at the splendid gushing rubies in my hands

 

and then i felt once again that release

the feeling i so longed to have

the pain slipped with the rush of the river

the turmoil followed in stride

 

again i stare blankly at the wall

now unfeeling and lost forever more

and i lay once more in the tangled sheets

taking in for a final time the memories in heaps

 

and slowly i felt myself slip

into this dark comforting endlessness

the pain no longer felt no longer known

the tears flowing freely into the unknown

 

i close my eyes and see his handsome face

and felt all the love in the world and more

"i hope he finds his happiness with her..."

the last thing on my mind before my eternal slumber.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

this is a bit rambling in style and it is focused more on the experience and sensations. i did not fix the structure and lengths on purpose to give a better feel of disorganization. please comment on how it makes you feel, if it succeeds in making you feel. thanks!

Reviews

[Edmond Dantes]

great read, kept me very much interested throughout. "some more and a steady flow doth rush" -this line stuck out for me, whenever someone uses 'doth' still in poetry, and when it works I get a kick out of it. "the crimson river flowed freely now

even squirted at special times

and i stared awe as if in a trance

at the splendid gushing rubies in my hands"

OK, there is so many great lines/words in here but this is really hot.

thanks for sharing.