Chapter 4 - The Unspoken

          This chapter is the main reason i want to tell my story. many rape survivors talk about there attacks, it help alot, but i want to talk about the subject most avoid. The subject that haunted me and almost destroyed me in the end. Im going to be very graphic about it because i feel it is important for other young women out there to know you are not alone.

           He tied me to the bed. Could hardly move. Vulnerable, Scared, Helpless. I just stared at the celing. He touched me every where while he performed oral on me. Stopping to laugh and explain to me how he knows i like it. However, Its a natural reaction of the body to prevent injury. Im no longer ashamed to admit it, Yes i did orgasam. and as i layed there i cried louder trying to cover it up so he wouldnt have the satisfaction of knowing. But it didnt work. After that happened it was to sensative and i couldnt not try and squirm away from him. He dug his hands into my thighs and held me in place... Yes i did orgasam again. In all honesty it happened about 4 times before he stopped. I was ashamed, humiliated, degraded, objectified, and disgraced. Even writing this now i have tears falling down my face. But I understand now that that was not my fault. Despite all of the things i had to hear because of it it was not my fault. Its very common amung survivers and although it is a hard blow to take its not the end of the world. and sure as hell not our fault.