Anxiety Disorder: Major Depressive Episode

Help me.

INSANE! INSANE! You are insane!

Do you even believe that, darling?

What did they whisper this time?

What did you answer?

Maybe? Not yet?

Fool.

Watch. 

What.
You.
Photograph.

Let me tell you something:

When they tell you cameras don't lie,

Do not believe them.

They are liars.

You are, too.

You capture one moment at a frame you chose,

the frame that pleases you, isolating the parts that you think aren't worth

the view, like for example, you...

Taking that picture.

Effortfully pathetic, humorous, shameful,

Only sometimes beautiful.

Only.

Sometimes.

Beautiful.

Bigger picture, they suggest.

Don't look at it.

Because pictures have corners and

it never capture the whole damn thing.

There's not a single perspective that can define

What's going on inside you.

At night.

The worse thing that can happen is to have nightmares,

Or the inability to sleep at all -- 

To stay awake and experience the nightmares realistically 

knowing that you can never wake up from it.

No pills, no lullabies, no boring stories can help you.

Only prayers.

And attempts to solve the riddles you imagined.

Those that were created by the voices of different yous.

What did they whisper?

Deception.

There is a person involved here.

Someone.

The cause.

Of your palpitations, your secrets,

worries, doubts, misinterpretations.

Yet if ever you faint you hope

that Someone will witness it.

You hope that Someone cares.

Did your over-bravery made you renounce 

what you felt, what you fell for?

Do not deny.

That you want to die.

Today, tonight, anytime.

But you expect death to be peaceful.

You expect death to be a friend.

You expect it to be a solution.

That if your blood spills, 

the heart will eventually run out of will to bleed.

Your anxiety is overacting, misplaced, and unending.

It may be the truth now, but later it may change

If you learn to be happy.

How to be happy?

If nightmares have the guts to come real,

Why can't dreams?

If fear makes you feel desperate to survive,

Why can't hope?

If emotions, don't mean the ultimate truth

Why believe?

Yourself.

Why sabotage?

Yourself.

Why escape?

Yourself.

Why lie to yourself?

And why breathe?

Is it an obligation, 

or a desire that we don't recognize?

You are depressed. Only.

Now. Only.

You never knew what might change

if you shift perspective...

To the One who beholds everything.

Author's Note

You are there not to get stuck.