Chapter 1--The Big Q

1st (slightly edited) chapter.

Chapter One: The Big Q

 

As she turned the wheels of her car onto the pavement in the driveway,

she suddenly had the thought that she wasn't ready for it. The drive within herself to discover the truth was far greater within her now that she remembered all of the inconsistencies in his stories, but some parts of her were holding back. She gripped the steering wheel, surprised to find herself crying. She knew but she didn't know. It was real, and yet she couldn't believe it. Everything inside her said to.

Everything inside her said not to.

 

As she finally forced herself out of the car she knew that the lady

she had become would die when the front door opened. She knew that

she could preserve herself by turning around now and never looking back. But she also knew that her need to know was stronger than her need for self preservation. She didn't know why. She knew that she couldn't live with the million questions swirling around in her brain, making her feel drunk and fully conscious at the same time. Her time had become consumed with his lies, his feelings, his pain, his memories…

She didn't know why, but she thought for a second that maybe walking through that door would make it all go away. Inside her head, she just wanted to fall into the blissful surrender of ignorance, but her heart wouldn't let her. With each step it pounded harder, until she was sure he would hear it and come out before she ever got the chance to brace herself.

Did she want that?

 

She wasn't sure whether or not it would be any easier if she had time to process this, or if it would be better charging in--the way she was right now. Her heart makes the decision for her, pushing blood into the feet that keep forward. To be or not to be?

 

This was the question she did not understand in high school, and again confused her in college. She was aware then that it concerned a man's question of whether or not to live. But it always confused her why a man would want to die because of one woman-- because of love caught and discarded so soon, it could barely be considered real. How great does a love have to be that when it is taken away one considers death that fiercely? She understands the real reason now, right in this moment. If the love was great, one would not consider death. If the love was perfect and pure, there would be no need for poison tears or death wishes. One would continue on just because their loved one would want them to. They would have something to live for.

 

One would only consider death when the love was not pure.  When the purpose of life--love--was compromised, erased, or broken beyond repair.

Her love was gone, in more ways than one. She herself was broken. She knew what an impure love felt like. She had lived with it festering inside herself until the cursed question now bubbled up into her mind. To be, or not to be?

Author's Note

For some reason it wouldn't let me indent the paragraphs..so ignore that.

Reviews

[Nienor Niniel]

This opening chapter does an excellent job in getting readers' attention at the beginning and making them care (emotionally, or at the least intellectually) about the woman's present ordeal by the end.

I'd be interested in seeing where this story goes.

[Kinze]

Thank you for the review! I am very happy to hear you read it well. I'm hoping to post more "teaser" chapters soon. So please come back anytime. The critique was much appreciated!

[Craig2591]

Wow! Good job getting into her head. I like the conflict inside of her, especially at the beginning when she is trying to decide whether to continue.

You changed to present tense in this sentence, "Her heart makes the decision for her, pushing blood into the feet that keep forward." Otherwise - good job!