In the Moonlight

written for 'an elf entered the room...' contest. It's short, I know, but I think it works...

 

The last of the candles slowly burnt out, and plunged the room into darkness, broken only by the light of the almost full moon, dancing quietly behind the soft clouds. The people in the room made no move to restore the gentle glow of candlelight, only stood facing the man as he continued his weeping, his hands wrapped tightly around the cold, white of his wife’s arm. No sounds other than the man’s cries were heard.

The moon floated in its soft arc, brushing the treetops and then the fields. The man had fallen silent, but his body still shook with sorrow and tears. Slow footsteps were heard moving in the corridor. One of the man’s butlers moved to open the door.

“Welcome, your holiness,” the butler said as he ushered the tall figure into the room.

The man looked up at these words and beckoned the figure to the bedside of his dying wife.

“Is there really nothing that can be done? No one can help her?”

“I am sorry your Grace, but the oracles have condemned her.” He laid a hand on the broke man’s shoulder. “If you would like, I could lead her in prayer to her eternal quiet.”

The man nodded, and stood up, his hands still grasping the ever colder hand of the dying woman.

The tall figure had stepped back, and tying up his long slivery-white hair, began to chant in a low, velvety voice. He extended his gracefully long fingers and arms over the body of the dying woman, and a light, not unlike that of the glow of the moon, began to rise and twist, winding its way from the woman to the hands of the Elvin cleric.

The man, watching the last breaths of his wife, hunched over and began to cry again. Still the figure worked, and the people, butlers, maids, cooks, and friends, simply watched. The moon was now almost completely sunk below the horizon, only the tops of its rounded figure peaking out. The room was almost entirely sheathed in darkness.

The last of the eerie glow left the woman, and the man’s sobs doubled. The low, comfortable voice of the cleric stopped, and he lowered his head in silent prayer. The rest of the room, followed his movements, but still, no sounds escaped them. Some had the glint of wet on their faces, small drops of grief.  After some time, the elf opened his eyes, and again, placed a hand on the man’s shoulder.

“She is better now. There is no more suffering or pain.”

The man made no response.

“I am sorry.”

And the figure turned and left the room, slowly with the same quiet, rhythmic footsteps. The same butler opened the door for him.

“Thank you, your holiness. We are in your debt.”

The figure nodded, and left. The man’s anguished cries followed him down the hallway and through the door, into the rising suns light.

Reviews

This was an interesting read. A little typo or two (you forgot the apostrophe in "sun's" on the last line) and some of the sentences seemed to go on for too long with too many commas holding it together. Maybe you could break those up. Aside from those small structural issues, this was a good story and well-written.

[Samarra]

Thank you to all. I'm not sure whether or not I will continue it. I don't really have stories in mind when I write, just photos, or interactions that I want to put into words. But if i do try and add more to something, this will be on the list.
Thanks about the pointing out of the comma-sentences. I am well aware I often use too many, and in weird place sometimes too, but I can't seem to stop. I will have to go through and edit.

[Luke Masters]

All in all, an interesting read. A good blend of familiar imagry from the real world mixed in with some elvin devices. I do agree with Ann Elise that some of the descriptive sentences are too long here. This is something I find that I do in my own writing as well - my sentences are a little comma heavy at times also. It is something to think about and often sentences can be broken down into smaller working sentences. That being said, after being told not to have long sentences in my writing since high school, I have recently read part of a book used in high schools in Australia to educate young students, where the sentences were frequently paragraph-sized! Soif that's a good example for the kids, I'm not so sure any more. Hmm... Regardless, thank you for a pleasant read. I can imagine this as the start of a longer piece of writing that delves more deeply into these characters and this world... any plans?

[Frances O'Neill]

Nice visual definition.