December 6, 2009-2:50pm

December 6, 2009

2:50pm

 

                I’m pacing again. I’ve read the manual about six times even though it was rather easy to figure out. I probably didn’t need to read it in the first place, but I follow Davis’s instructions feeling safer doing so. It occurs to me that Davis may have given me the manual as almost an insult to my intelligence, as if claiming I’d be too stupid to figure it out. I don’t take offense. Maybe he’s right.

                I feel like I’m running a hole in the floor boards. What if this is a trap? What if they plan to get me caught red0handed on purpose? Perhaps this is another attempt to ruin my name and kill me. They could very well get me into the office and them report me to security… Davis was supposed to be in the security room, wasn’t he?

The thought scares me worst. There would be nothing I could do or say. How would you explain something like that? They’d never believe my story. If I was caught with blueprints coming out of the Head department’s office, it would obvious to them that I was a double agent and they would certainly kill me. Hudson would win. This does seem like something he would think of. Hudson no doubt would be the hero in this manner. He’s always innocent when it came to these sorts of things. I know he’s gotten people before killed this way. I would just be another one down.

I’m watching the clock constantly. I don’t want to leave too early and look suspicious, but I certainly can’t be late. The suspense is killing me. I just want this over. I look at the clock again. It’s still only 2:52pm. I pace for another five minutes before giving up. I can’t stay in my room any longer. I have to do something. My nerves won’t let me sit.

I silently exit my room and begin taking my time walking down the huge halls to the art studio. The halls are painted beige and have very few posters on them. I feel awkward. People are in the hallways. I keep my head down allowing my bangs to cast my face in shadow. Most don’t take notice of my presence, but a couple are watching me carefully, waiting for me to screw up or have another episode. I try ignoring these stares, but it’s hard. I become so focus on reminding myself not to look at anyone that I just barely dodge a people in the hallways. I look up briefly to apologize only to find that it’s another one of Hudson’s friend. I cringe away and mutter a quite apology before pacing quickly away. People notice. I hear the word ‘schizophrenia’ thrown out. I know they’re referring to me. About four months ago, almost immediately after my attack, I’d been diagnosed with schizophrenia thanks to a doctor Hudson’s hired. Everyone truly is out to get me in my opinion, so maybe schizophrenia isn’t a bad diagnosis. Of course, it does make matters tougher when it came to how I was supposed to expose Hudson. I was merely having another episode if I started crying out that someone was trying to kill me.

                ‘Gosh darn it.’ I think. ‘It’s a Sunday. ‘Why are there people in the halls?!’ I walk a bit quicker to my destination. I find myself again thinking this is a set up. The scene feels wrong. Isn’t it better to steal something at night, when everyone’s sleeping? Wasn’t that a better time than with a hall full of witnesses around here?

I start panicking again. I turn down a empty hallway to collect my thoughts. Though this hallway is the long way to the art studio, I know I have more than enough time to get down there. I can focus easier alone. I can’t afford to lose focus today. I shove my hands in my pockets to stop them from shaking. I have to calm down.  It’s supposed to be easy right? I get in the office, grab the blueprints, and run. I can do this.

A door opens beside me, but I don’t look up or stop, only flinch away and continue walking. I repeat the steps in my head again. Get into the Head department’s office, grab the ARC blueprints, and get out without getting-

“Kristen?” I can’t help it. I let out a small yelp of surprise and fearfully flip around guiltily. I’m ready to bolt. She’s surely heard my thoughts. Fear flashes across my face as I lock eyes with a middle-age women with short brown hair, sharp features, and a moderate body build maybe edging to being slightly overweight. She has the look of a business women and a smile of a councilor. This was the Head department.

‘Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! She’s already caught me and I haven’t even stolen the blueprints yet! She’d been tipped off. She knows!’ I froze where I was. What if I took off right now? Could I outrun her? Could I escape? Where would I go? What about Melissa? Would I run to get her first or was it safer to leave her?

“Kristen, calm down. It’s just me.” The women in front of me says. Wait, I think. She couldn’t take me out for anything. I hadn’t done anything yet. I was completely innocent for now... I slowly breath out allowing color to drain back into my face. I attempt to push the fear aside for now. I nod a ‘hello’ to her and turn to continue down the hallway hoping that was all she had stopped me for.

“Hey, Kristen, wait.” She calls my name again and paces forward catching up to me. I stop and face her again trying not to look as guilty and scared as I feel. My silence tells her to continue. “Your councilor says you’re not going to sessions anymore.” I nod to back up her statement. I’d skipped my sessions for nearly a month now. “Something up?” I shake my head. She’s watching my every more. I feel like she’s pulling more out of my looks than she’s supposed to. I drop my eyes to the floor effectively blocking most my face from her. “Kristen, you seem… troubled.” She presses. I shake my head again just wanting to leave. I feel she knows too much. I could get her killed for knowing too much. “You sure?” I nod praying she’ll let me go. “Okay…” She replies drawing I out a bit. I can tell she wants me to say something. She’s searching for information. “You know, I’m only checking… I’d hate for you to get caught in some inescapable situation because you didn’t say anything.” I gasp quietly, my eyes widen, but I keep my glaze fixed firmly to the tiled floor and swallow hard. She’s knows… I’m so dead. She’s trying to tell me to fess up.

“I’m fine.” I barely whisper. She pats me once on the shoulder and I can feel her disappointment. She was hoping to get something out of me.

“Well, if you’re sure.” She says. “You can always talk to me if something comes to mind…” I pretend not to know what she’s talking about and nod once before turning to continue my way to the art studio. I can feel her eyes bearing into me. She watches me leave. As soon as I’m out of sight from her, I take off running.

I’m so dead! They’re probably waiting for me in the office with a gun! Oh… This is such a trap. I hate you, Hudson. I really hate you. Okay, okay. I have to calm down. So now I knew it was a trap. It was another way to try to eliminate me. What could I do about it? Claim I was looking for the Head mistress if I got caught? Run? Scream? Useless thoughts ran through my head. I dismissed nearly all of them. I’m now standing outside the art studio. I’m pacing again. I don’t want to go in. I know I have to…. I have to think of an escape first. What should I do?... Nothing comes to mind.

After a moment, I enter the art studio still lost on what to do. Davis is already there sitting on the teacher’s desk boredly. He hops down as I enter. I approach him cautiously. “Finally.” Davis says annoyed. “I was about to call Hudson to see if you were even coming.” I glance up at the clock across the room and notice it’s only 3:20pm. I still would had ten minutes before I would be considered late, but I don’t argue at this point. I only stop in the middle of the room and watch him from beneath my blonde curtains. “Did you read the manual?” I nod. “Good. I’ll guide you how to get in the office over the ear wig, but if you get caught, that’s on you.” David says. He begins putting something in my ear and I flinch away at first not understanding what he’s doing bur then see his annoyed face and so I stand still allowing him to finish. “Try not to get caught. We need that blueprint.” As if I’m hoping to get caught, I think to myself. Davis places a slip of paper and a key in my hand. I look down reading the random set of numbers and letter. “Don’t lose that.” Davis tells me as if I’m some klutzy idiot. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Fear is building in my again. I’m really doing this…. I wonder if I make myself randomly pass out if I could get out of this. I doubt it, but I’m almost tempted to try it at this point. I really, really don’t want to do this.

“That’s the safe combination in case our connection is lost.” Davis explains briefly. “Wait until you hear me through the ear wig before you go anywhere.” I nod to show I understand and then Davis leaves the room. I take a deep breath and wait. My eyes scan the doorway a moment…. No! I remind myself of Melissa. I have to do this. God, I’m going to get caught!

“Exit the door to your left.” Davis’s voice suddenly drowns in my ear. I turn obediently to follow his instructions. It’s time. “Turn left down the hallway and continue down the hall.” I do as instructed. This is the first time in a long time I’m actually looking up as I walk down the hallways. I’m constantly observing my surroundings. The halls appear empty. I hear noise from behind me, as if an assembly was going on or something. The noise has a calming effect on me. Perhaps this was more planned out then I thought. Perhaps the assembly will keep me from getting caught.

“Stop.” I’d phased out a moment. Davis’s voices snaps me back into reality. I need to focus. I’m in front of the sliding glass security doors now. It separates our school and dorms from the actually department work. I reach in my pocket and pull out me card inserting it in the slot. The light blinks green and the doors open. The new surroundings are a complete contrast to the hallways. It’s bustling with people of all ages in similar brown uniforms running around like mad men. The government must be at it again, I think. Every time they actually liked one of our researches and findings, they’d place pressure and several due dates of many things, some that didn’t even involve the project it’s self, but it would drive everyone into a mad rush to get it done. I used to be part of the finalizing of research reports and a runner since I wasn’t exactly old enough yet to be involved in the actual work. I was only seventeen. Of course, I’d only been called maybe three times in the past four months to help out. I missed my job. I supposed I should be thankful they didn’t just kick me out because of my supposed ‘schizophrenia’.

The further I walk down the halls, the more charts and papers begin to litter the walls and the more people I have to dodge. Doors are constantly being opening and closed again. Conversations are everywhere creating a loud buzz of background noise. In a few room you can hear yelling of the debaters. The runners, or kids who passed paperwork back and forth between halls and rooms and occasionally got coffee, are rushing about. They’re mainly my age or younger. I can name a few of them. It was scary to think Hudson was twenty now and so he was old enough to participate in all the research and experiments. No doubt that was where he got the majority of his information. If only they knew…

“Turn right.” David instructs. I’m vaguely aware that this is the long way to the Head Departments, or the Headmistress’s office, but I don’t question it. I keep silent. My heart still flutters wildly, but my feet moved in a steady, but rushed pace down the halls. The sooner I do this, the sooner I’ll be left alone. I tell myself. I turned down another hallway and the chaos was almost immediately silent. There were maybe one or two people taking this route. No one ever really came this way unless you were in some deep trouble.

“The door on your right is the supply closet. Enter the code: BETA92ARC810.” I turn to my right as instructed and enter the code on the key pad. I hear the lock slide back and I quickly enter inside. The document was in the Headmistress’s office, wasn’t it? What was I doing in a supply closet? “There’s a tray in the back. Go pick it up.” I get this eerie feeling down to my core. I slowly move to the back using my carefully trained eyes on what’s around me. I spot the tray easily. It contained a sandwich, probably turkey, a carton of milk, chips, and some chocolate dessert. My eyebrows creased together in confusion, but I reach out to pick it up anyway. He didn’t want me to eat this, did he?

It’s poison! My thoughts tell me. But it can’t be for me… They still wanted the blueprints first before thinking of killing me. My then goes to the thought, if it’s not for me, who is it for?

I stand still, my mind racing. I didn’t know what they had planned, but I didn’t want to be a part of it. Then again, I’ve never wanted to be a part of anything they were doing. What’s the difference? But this was different. Most assignments they gave me were to steal, or pass cryptic notes to people. Never had the asked me to be a part of killing people!

“Proceed back out the door. Close is clear.” David tells me. I don’t move. I’m still staring down at the food. “Proceed out the door, Kristen.” He repeats irritation slipping into his voice. I still don’t move. How could I? I was not a murderer and I wasn’t going to start today. I feel my face, gawking at the food and pale as paint. My expression was simply horrified. “Kristen!” David buzzes in my ear. His tone is sharp. I jump slightly at the sound. “Get out of the room, damnit!”

“Is this poison?” I whisper faintly. There’s a harsh sigh on the other line.

“Shut up and move. Now!” He orders. I slowly piece myself back together. I feel numb. My mind feels slow and hazy. But my feet begin guiding me to the door. “Go down to the office now. Just scan your card and enter. You’re making a lunch delivery to one of the guards in there. Act normal. If you arose suspicion now, you’ll the whole plan, and then I leave you to explain that to Hudson.”

I shiver taking a deep breath. A fresh wave of panic reels within me. I am a robot. I do as I’m told. I am not allowed to ask question. This is just another order. I must do as I’m told. I must do as I’m told; I repeat this in my mind. I work hard to make my expression blank as I exit the door. Maybe it wasn't posion, I attempt to justify this in my brain. Perhaps it was a sedate. A sedate would work just as good as posion, right? Maybe I'm not really killing anyone.

I have little time to ponder that as my feet arrive at the door. I withdraw my card and inserted it in the slot. It beeps once and then grants me access. "Tell him you're here to deliver his lunch, set it down, then get out." David tells me. I nod briefly to myself. I clear my throat, which is now completely dry, and walk over to the nearest gaurd.

"I'm here to d-deliver your lunch." I say in a meek little voice. I work extremely hard to keep a blank face. I set down the tray in front of him. He grunts a 'thanks' cleary more occupied with his reading to acknowledge me.

"Leave now." David reminds me. I had been standing there a bit too long. It seemed to finally actract the gaurd's attention. As he begins to look up, I turn and head for the door. My heart's tundering in my ears. I'm sure I probably look as sick as I felt right then, so I keep my head down. Oh, God! What have I just done?HHH’m’’