Snowflakes

Snowflakes

A Poem by Kelly M.

Glittering white snowflakes fell
Upon my outstretched hand

As I took in my surroundings
I closed my eyes

Falling backwards onto the cold snow
Made me shiver inside my coat

Creating snow angels 
Upon its floor 

What's better than enjoying a lovely day
In fallen snowflakes  

© 2011 Kelly M.


Author's Note

Kelly M.
I hope you all have a snow white Christmas! :)

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Reviews

Even the simplest of things like snowflakes give us joy in the world. I'm jealous 'cause I don't get any where I'm from. Beautifully written, I love it!

Posted 10 Years Ago


I enjoyed reading this poem! It was pretty ironic, I'm sitting here and it's snowing! So it made the poem all that much more better.
I have a few ideas to fix it up!
As I took in my breathtaking surroundings- There actually isn't anything wrong with this line. It just breaks up the flow because the other lines have fewer syllables. I know this is free verse so not as strict. But I would tighten that line up. Just gives the line more flow!
In your fourth stanza you use "snow", "snowy". So they're pretty close together. Maybe think of a different word? It just gives your reader a bit of an easier time reading! But this is a minor thing, it's fine as is.
As for the structure of your lines.... They are broken into separate lines when most of them could be joined? I don't know if that makes sense?
So for example in your first line you said “Glittering white snowflakes fell upon, My outstretched hand”. You can see that those could easily be joined. So maybe just take a look at how you structure your lines.
You did an excellent job at the imagery though. I had this delightful picture of somebody just enjoying the snows beauty! Good write,


Posted 10 Years Ago


Like the playful atmosphere you create here. Falling backwards with eyes closed-- almost like your creating a "trust fall" with the snow. Like you know it will softly catch you-- like a friend with the snow.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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630 Views
3 Reviews
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Added on December 2, 2010
Last Updated on February 18, 2011
Tags: peace, nature, beauty, comfort, snowflakes, glittering, snow, lovely, creating

Author

Kelly M.
Kelly M.

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"The Spirit of God made me; the breath of the Almighty God gives me life." Job 33:4 more..

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