10) A Friend

10) A Friend

A Chapter by Kelly M.

April jumped to her feet and ran outside.  She started calling at the top of her lungs, "Kanika!  Kanika, where are you?"
She ran to the edge of the forest and shouted, "Kanika!"  No answer.  Everywhere she went, looking and calling her name.  "Please, Kanika, answer me!"  
"You'll go hoarse," came a lighthearted, giggly voice behind her.
April wheeled around on her heels and met Kanika's amused brown eyes.
"Where were you?" April demanded.
"Getting breakfast," she answered and held up her fine catch of fish.
April's hand fluttered to her heart.
"You scared me near to death.  I thought that you-- that you-- oh, whatever.  It doesn't matter anymore."
Kanika started to explain, "You were still sleeping and I didn't want to wake you.  So, I decided to go fishing."
"Well, you sure know how to catch fish," April replied, eying the large, slimy animal.
Kanika only smiled.
When they got back to Kanika's mossy shelter, she made a blazing fire and cooked the fish in her tatty frying pan.  That was really the only kitchen essential she had.
"Hungry?" Kanika asked, holding up the smelly fish.
She was hungry, but that slimy, overcooked, smelly fish wasn't going to satisfy April's grumbling stomach.  Though, to be polite, April only nodded reluctantly.  Her stomach protested with every bite, but she tried her best to thrust it down her throat with an appreciative smile.  After all, Kanika must have worked hard to catch such a fish.  Kanika smacked her lips when finishing and immediately stood to her feet.
"Ready to go?" she asked.
April quickly nodded and skipped to hurry up with her.  The first few minutes were silent, until April got her in conversation.
"Have you always lived here?" April asked curiously.
"No," she answered slowly.  "I was born in Florida and then, when I was ten, my parents moved here."
"You've always lived in that mossy place?" April asked, incredulous.
Kanika laughed merrily.  She had such a sweet, blissful laugh.  "No.  Actually, we lived near the schoolhouse."
"Is the house still there?"
"Yes.  Yes, I think so."
"Why, don't you live there?"
"Oh, I don't know.  I guess I didn't like the children teasing and staring at me.  Besides, I like it better out here.  It's peaceful and quiet, and no one bothers me."
April nodded in understanding.
"Do you think you'll go to school?" April asked softly.  She hoped with all her might she would say yes.  Then she'd finally have someone to talk to.  She wanted to fill her days with a friend by her side.  She wasn't one that liked being all alone.  She wanted laughter, someone to share her secrets with, telling each other their troubles, hopes and dreams.  She had that in North Carolina.  Would she have that here, too?
"I-- I can't."
"Why not?" April asked, wheeling around to meet her gaze.  The sparkling blue eyes met her misty brown ones.
"They tease me," she whispered.  "I just couldn't bear it."
April nodded slowly and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. 
"Maybe someday I can," she hurried on as she swiped at the lingering tears on her dark cheeks.  "Just not now."
April nodded and smiled.  "It's okay.  If you ever do come to school, you'll always have me."
Kanika smiled appreciatively and for the first time in a long while, April had a feeling she had just made a friend.


© 2011 Kelly M.


Author's Note

Kelly M.
April has finally made a friend. :))

Anything to fix?

Love to know what you think! :)

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Reviews

i thought Kanika would say that she couldnt go to the school but not for the reason she gave well i thought about it but i thought the main reason would be something about Kanika ending up in an orphanage. nicly written

Posted 8 Years Ago


I'm loving Kanika's character.

My favourite bit was how April had hoped for Kanika to come to school so that she could have someone to talk to.

Nice read :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


Oh man, I was wrong. -.- Oh well, I'm kind of glad I was wrong. Yay for friends! Though aren't April's parents worried about her? Kanika is better now, that you've developed her weakness. You never really have a character without their weakness. A realistic one. I like this chapter because, as usual, it's totally well written and makes me want to read more. I saw nothing to fix, and I love April because she's caring and amazing. Reading on!

Posted 9 Years Ago


must of- IT"S ALWAYS HAVE!!!
zAll this chapter wa sso cute! poor kanika. i don't think i know her personality well,but i do know ab bit about her past.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Hi Kelly. I can see that you have a real talent and enthusiasm as a writer. Your story, as it develops, truly engages the reader's attention. But writing is a skill, that is learned, like piano playing, and a large part of writing is re-writing. It's not up to the reader to do the work, that's the writer's job.
Here are a few things that will make any writer a better writer:
1) Don't use two words where one will do. There's never any need to write: after a short period of time, when you can just say: soon?
2) Don't use a long word where a short one will do.
3) Avoid strings of adjectives, if possible. Thick dark brown hair is one adjective too many. Thick, dark hair is enough. The brown can come later. Pick out the main features. You can flesh out as you go along?
Even the best writers -- in fact especially the best writers -- will tell you that it's almost impossible to write a perfect story, one time, just like that. To me your book is like a lovely, colourful gem -- but a rough one, straight out of the mine. I think you need to trim off the blurry bits -- the unnecessary extra words -- to bring out the real essence of the story? But please don't throw anything away while you're doing this. You don't want to over-edit and lose parts of the story. Keep a copy of the original.
I wouldn't bother to say all this if I didn't think you really do have a future as a writer, so please don't take offence? I have worked as an editor on newspapers and magazines, so I'm dealing with your book seriously, ok? Your sentence structure and punctuation are very good.
I have taken chapter five -- 'Unexpected Letter' -- and tried to edit it a bit, without changing the story or losing any of your own particular style with words. You will find that in 'comments' under chapter five? You may find it helpful, you may not -- but at least you will not be able to say that I have not read your book properly and given my full attention.
That is because I think it deserves serious attention. Its all there, you've written it -- that was the hard part? Now go back to it, work on it, and I know you'll be surprised at what a good writer you really are. Let me know when you've done the edit?
Regards
Roger

Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on April 7, 2011
Last Updated on December 4, 2011
Tags: dialogue, friend, fish, amused, lighthearted, heart, racing, Kanika, April, school, chat, conversation, forever, mossy, shelter, scare, fire


Author

Kelly M.
Kelly M.

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