Coolsuck

Coolsuck

A Chapter by Kenna Marie

"See dude, if I don't know the answer I will try to understand it through rambling, so that's how I answers my questions." Dylan chimed into the bustle of confusion that was going on between him and his two friends.
"Let me ask you a real question." Jerry said, messing around with his friend Ty.
"Why is the sky dark at night?" He throws the question at Ty.
"Because the moon and the Sun is not in the plane of view. It's the color shadows are." Dylan tries to chime in as Ty begins to mumble nonsense.
"D****t Ty." Jerry laughs at Ty's inability to come up with a somewhat reasonable reply.
"Why is it black at night? It's because the Earth spins in the opposite direction of the sun." Ty attempts again.
"But that doesn't answer my question as to why it's black!" Jerry states.
"In Space there is nothing." Ty sounds far off.
"You basically told me okay, well why is nothing black? Why isn't it clear? Because it's dark. Boom. You guys ever thought about what purgatory would be like?" Jerry asked.
"A lot like this." Dylan didn't hesitate to give his response.
"Is it like-" Dylan's comment sinks into Jerry’d mind and they chuckle as he laughs, then he joins in after he stammers, "F**k!"
"No, I mean seriously. Would it just be like clear, would it be black? White?" He continues to push.
"It'd be what we see. It'd just be like your experience in between afterlives." Dylan replied.
"Floating in the clouds." Jerry dreamed.
"It'd be you in a waiting room." Dylan said.
"Nature is trying to tell me to slow down." Ty informed his friends.
"I understand you, sometimes you can get too high." Dylan agreed.


© 2016 Kenna Marie


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I like this. A capsulated moment/thought in time. I'd only suggest to create more visual spaces in the construct; the dialogue.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Wow, interesting topic. The dialogue is great. I could completely understand the characters' emotions and personalities. You actually don't need to address the person speaking at the end of each line. The speech can speak for itself. If the readers can tell who's speaking, you don't need to add anything. If they can't, just say "he said", "she said", etc. Thiis way you won't be stemming the flow of the story and readers can still understand your main point. One more thing, imagery. I have no idea where they are, what they're doing, or anything. All I know is they're talking. Describe the setting. Use every sense possible to describe the things they see, feel, touch, hear, and taste. What does the setting look like? What noises do they hear? Are they siting on a couch? What does the couch feel like? Answering questions like these will greatly improve your writing and it'll be so much more enjoyable. Keep writing!

Posted 6 Years Ago



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Added on March 11, 2016
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Author

Kenna Marie
Kenna Marie

About
Hello! I'm a high school student. I use a lot of my time dedicated to writing poetry, short stories etc. Art is my passion, consisting of but not limited to...musical, creative and performance. I'm a.. more..

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