I'm "Just"

I'm "Just"

A Poem by Gil
"

A person who wants to have an equal importance to her girl.

"

Oh! A world with you is like such,

Shining like a summer’s sunshine.

Over mountains and plains it touched,

Everything around sounds the finest.

 

But, everything sounds in its worst,

Thinking that I am just a “just”

Is it the way she looks at me?

Yes! An option for her to have a choice.

 

I envy more her best of friends,

Which she would never give them up.

In times of choosing over friends,

I’m sure, she would pick them up.

 

It’s a fact like most people say,

And a person of choice, like me, would believe.

That before they could value your presence,

An absence of yours should be first felt.

 

And when times she could not see them,

A large of sight and praise from her will be seen and heard.

Praise here, praise there,

And valuing me like a food in my ear.

 

Like a toy which a child would desire,

Bringing joy and happiness to her.
But when she won’t need the toy,
Poor little toy, forsaken, forgotten, alone.

Though I felt like the little toy,
Living such to unfairness.
Yet now, I will never expect to value me like them,
But to live in a paradise of happiness.

© 2010 Gil


Author's Note

Gil
Your review are very much appreciated.

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Featured Review

There was some verb confusion and some odd choices of phrasing within this.
And although I'd recommend reading through this aloud once or twice, it sort of worked for this piece.
There's a juvenility here that sparks memories of childhood. You show us the sandbox, the swing-set, the walks home from school, and the crushes we'd hold hands with through it all. Almost bittersweet, I'd think. Because you're giving us something we can never have back. But it's nice. It's nice to feel those things.
Very well done poem. You gave us feeling, imagery, and kept it personal enough that we had to work for our own relation. Just be careful of over-working the language. Certain parts felt very awkward. But as I said, perhaps let it be, because it does add a greater feel of youth.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

There was some verb confusion and some odd choices of phrasing within this.
And although I'd recommend reading through this aloud once or twice, it sort of worked for this piece.
There's a juvenility here that sparks memories of childhood. You show us the sandbox, the swing-set, the walks home from school, and the crushes we'd hold hands with through it all. Almost bittersweet, I'd think. Because you're giving us something we can never have back. But it's nice. It's nice to feel those things.
Very well done poem. You gave us feeling, imagery, and kept it personal enough that we had to work for our own relation. Just be careful of over-working the language. Certain parts felt very awkward. But as I said, perhaps let it be, because it does add a greater feel of youth.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 2, 2010
Last Updated on April 2, 2010
Tags: poem, JTS, love

Author

Gil
Gil

Iligan City, Norther Mindanao, Philippines



About
Hi, I am Gil. That's my writer's name for now. I am an avid short story writer and wanted to publish a book, novel I mean. more..

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