The Whispers of a Child

I sit here at my window thinking 

Thinking of the most glorious things! 

And I hear a voice whisper,

“What are these things you’re thinking of? 

Great Child of Whispers,

Are these thoughts of the Land of Nod?”

“Oh no.” I reply

“These are thoughts of the thundering sky!

A sky that flashes with a brilliant light

In the middle of a sleepless night.”

                        The thundering sky replies,

                        “Great Child of Whispers,

                        You have lighting in your eyes!

                        Are these thoughts good or bad?”

“I suppose they are neither,

Or in a sense both

I think of a shimmering rain drop

Falling from the sky

It’s spinning round and round

Then, the thunder suddenly shows a flash of light

As the little rain drop falls in fright

Splat, it fell down flat.

Then a boom

And a flash

And then…

The storm will pass

 

 

Author's Note

This poem was written in 1994 and won recognition in a childrens competion. That was before I grew up...gave it a little structure...and a few edits :) God knows the judges must have been very nice cause it was a mess, lol.

Thanks for reading, reviews are welcome!

Photograph by Kristin Lee

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Kristin

Thank you for the compliment of your reviews.

I wanted to come and return the favour.

I was spoilt for choice looking at your portfolio, but in the end plumped for this one.

I won't explain to you how I review, but my reviews can often be quite long and detailed.

I am sure you may have seen already

But my reviews, whatever else they do, always give a strong personal reaction back from reader to writer so that the writer can judge the differing impacts on each.

So to my review:

1) Age: It interests me that you say this poem was written for children and won a competition. But saying you wrote it in 1994, does not give me an idea of what age your were then, how young.

But then why I chose this piece is because it was at least written when 'quite' young and gives something sometimes but not often you find on here.

And that is a view of the world actually through the eyes of a child.

I am not sure how much your edits may have changed it over time, but it is my point of departure in reading this with interest.

2) Structure: Three stanzas of varying length via a chorus repeated twice. Above all I like the way you squiggle the lines on the page, the visual pattern that they create and that because of the way you place the chorus.

Whether your intention or not I see something of what they call 'concrete poetry' I think. That is the shape of the words add to the meaning or reflect it.

Here I might suggest that the twisted words (you even say 'spinning around') add to its flavour as a piece - that of a 'stormy mind'

3) Originality: There is something very unique about this poem. It is a piece of constant dialogue in verse here between you and 'Great Child of Whispers' more on that name shortly.

I have seen this rarely done in verse, but I did something similar in my 'Dear God' on here though I this this piece of yours better executed than mine, whatever age you wrote it at.

4) Rhymes: Quite a lot of rhyming (external) in here, though in no particular pattern. It adds 'honey' to the writing and lends it elegance.

5) Rhythm: Nothing fixed, but with lines that are relatively of the same length, there is a pleasing beat to it.

6) Meaning: As I often say, yours to own and the reader's to interpret even if well outside what the writer intended.

My personal take? We have conversed a little and I know a little about you. So I see in here a child examining her own mood. Whoever the interlocutor may be or seem to be, this is an internal dispute, where as a child you are self-analysing.

Immediate recognition. Bipolar or not I have spent my whole life analysing who I am and why I think or do things and I have yet to come up with an answer to any of the questions I ask myself!

It's like:

'Do I feel ready for bed or not?'

'No. I feel I can't sleep and my mine is in turmoil'

'Is that a good or a bad thing?'

'Not sure really. But I know I will get over it.'

The thing that catches my eye that is when self-diagnosing, you have the wisdom to know that your state of mind will 'stabilise'. I do not always feel mine will. Hence the difference between us.

7) Allusion: Your allusion to storms and rain drops are effective in describing your state of mind.

8) Favourite lines: Too many to mention but here are a couple:

'“These are thoughts of the thundering sky!
A sky that flashes with a brilliant light
In the middle of a sleepless night.”

There is colour to these words where the rhymes and the repetition of 'sky' work well.

"It’s spinning round and round
Then, the thunder suddenly shows a flash of light
As the little rain drop falls in fright"

I have mentioned above how the shape of the poem assist in giving a flavour of confusion even in the shape of the verse on the page - so 'spinning' becomes relevant. Again the allusion and rhyming couplet cut it for me.

9) Own photography: Well done!

I love it when I watch poets / writers mix their talents in more than one art.

Magnificent photo.

Overview: Well written. The world through the child's eyes, written by a child. Not sure what age you wrote this at but I am not at all surprised you one a prize for it on the basis of even just one of its facets - originality.

I hope this helps by way of review. I can't see anything wrong with it other than, should you not close the last verse with quotation marks as you started with them and do so normally throughout?

Thank you for the pleasure

With my warmest regards and in all friendship

James

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you James for the very indepth review! This piece was originally published in an anthology in 1994 when I was 11 years old, but it was written when I was 10 years old.

The only changes I made when I put in on this site were to formatting. When it was originally published it was in block/paragraph format. So there was no spearation of character of thought flow. It literally read like a page from a book, and not a well laid out one.

Thank you for the compliment on my photo too! I've been having fun with my camera and have several projects that I'm experimenting with.

Again, thanks for the indepth review! I really appreciate the keen eye and kind comments.

[James Hanna-Magill]

My complete pleasure, James

[rhythm&blues]

I like the whimsical feel of this one, your photograph is stunning as well, nice job.

[Astro]

"There's nothing more calming on this mans eardrums, than the bass drum in the sky being rattled by thumbs, and fingers of light darting out all afire together while the lush clouds do perspire. Then when that mesmerizing song has been played, life can go on again peaceful...unafraid." I think it had vision, and that's what the judges liked.

[Criss ;)]

wow............great write, i love this, sorry but i'm gonna steal your this poem from your hands......hahahah :)
this's you know what "A great piece"....what..!!!!
that's really written in 1994...omg......i think it's my honor now to read this write, i'm glad you just shared with me too, thanks a lot...i will not forget this piece. you know what, i'm even stilll screamin' in my mind this poem loudly......

what a great write, you know what "kristen", when i read this poem out, i sudddenly got an idea to write one screen play on it, but right now i've no idea what to write.....and don't know i'll write or not......but i'll write as soon as possible from my heart and wish you'd like to...yeah.....then i' could be say "it's written in 2013".....lol :)

great one piece, i read here much stuffs and said that "i haven't read this before"...but for your this piece i just wanna say "i've never....neverrrrrrrr...........never read this beofre, it'll alive from now in my heart"
you know now i've now words to say that i liked this line...that line....this stanza.....or that phrase...........because today i just loved your this whole poem...it contains deep words...did you analyse...??????????????????????
i did.....

and offcourse, that blue wavin' pic.'s damn nice, i made some views to be there.......ahhh....you made be fresh, you made my day...:)

well penned
have this 200 / 100 :)
take care......!!!

[Jack...]

This was wonderful Kristin and I can see the child's mind at play in this piece. Very tranquil even amongst the storm. Nice.

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This feels like a poem probably written during a storm where the first few lines just flowed in a meandering meaningless melt. It has an interesting construction and has a tinge of the whimsical mixed with daydreams and fairy tales.

[Kristin Lee]

I wish I could remember, lol. I think it was probably written during my fascination with Grimm tales and Native American stories....

[Angi]

I see this very simply and literally. I see a child with their great imagination running wild. Creating a, 'great Child of Whispers' during a storm. I love the description of the little raindrop.

[Kristin Lee]

I don't even remember what I was thinking when I wrote it, it was so long ago, but I'm sure it was something like that :)

[icelandicblue]

I like this a lot. It's a wonderful poem. Great Child of Whispers felt very mythological or Native American to me. It's a wonderful phrase. Children see the storms even when adults try and shield them. I can see why this won an award.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you