I WROTE SOMETHING

I WROTE SOMETHING

A Poem by kublakhan27
"

02 21 11

"
I banished my muse
to mute-happy land
erased what I felt
and wrote what I knew
an epic that would have compelled you
to fondle my hair and undress
my identity girdled in crisis
something that would have unfurled
the fist of your heart
and pumped it with pulse
I wrote what would make you speak
But how many epics are there in our world
exiled in drawers and attics
versed in the ominous dust of the right time
maybe unearthed past the prime of their worth
if only to lure the lucre of royalty
to the unearther
With destinies lost in each other's translation
loneliness penetrates me like a heroin needle
for you'll never read
the epic I wrote for you

© 2012 kublakhan27


Author's Note

kublakhan27
A revamped version of "When I Was Young."

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
TLK
"something that would have unfurled
the fist of your heart
and pumped it with pulse" -- excellent. I love the feeling of your authorial agency over someone else's heart.



"loneliness penetrates me like a heroin needle
for you'll never read
the epic I wrote for you"

The 'heroin needle' is an excellent metonym -- it brings to mind the shame of addiction, the uncontrollable nature of habit, and the jerking joy of the opiate hit.

It really grounds the whole poem in a dramatic kind of emptiness.



Posted 6 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

6 Years Ago

Thank you for the support, and I do intend to work my way through your catalogue as well...it may no.. read more
TLK

6 Years Ago

Don't sweat it. My little bovine words can wait. They have endless fields of commas to eat in the me.. read more
kublakhan27

6 Years Ago

Haha yes commas can be mischievous little tykes at times.



Reviews

Give me time, I'm going to analyze this first. Word for word, line after line.

Posted 6 Years Ago


I don`t write much introspective poetry because I know how hard it is to write successfully, but you`ve cracked it with this one, I think,, Steve. How many times do we miss the opportunity to voice our real thoughts and feelings when we have them, instead of locking them away to revamp them retrospectively - as if the acute emotion is too sharp to air? P.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

6 Years Ago

You hit the nail on the head my friend...I didn't really "know" anything when I first started writin.. read more
Oddly arousing, maybe since you've asked to be undressed and those drawers in your attic are compelling to say the least. Always a deep read, where's this epic piece you wrote for me? This is more flowing than most of your reads, I guess all that undressing, allowed you to let your hair down. I just hope you didn't have a hair product in your locks whilst we were messing with it.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

6 Years Ago

I have a feeling it's not an either/or option for me...
Frieda P

6 Years Ago

Lol!!!
kublakhan27

6 Years Ago

;D
Now I want to read this epic masterpiece ;-) Tease!

But you know what? This actually makes me want to fondle your hair and undress your identity, so...I guess you win anyway. Excellent write.

-kimmer

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

6 Years Ago

Haha thank you, I'll take it as a compliment ;D
KAOlmsted

6 Years Ago

Good; that's what it was ;-)
kublakhan27

6 Years Ago

lol *sigh of relief* ;)
A very good re-vamp.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

6 Years Ago

Many thanks, this is actually a third version of this one...it's a bit of a splice between the first.. read more
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
TLK
"something that would have unfurled
the fist of your heart
and pumped it with pulse" -- excellent. I love the feeling of your authorial agency over someone else's heart.



"loneliness penetrates me like a heroin needle
for you'll never read
the epic I wrote for you"

The 'heroin needle' is an excellent metonym -- it brings to mind the shame of addiction, the uncontrollable nature of habit, and the jerking joy of the opiate hit.

It really grounds the whole poem in a dramatic kind of emptiness.



Posted 6 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

6 Years Ago

Thank you for the support, and I do intend to work my way through your catalogue as well...it may no.. read more
TLK

6 Years Ago

Don't sweat it. My little bovine words can wait. They have endless fields of commas to eat in the me.. read more
kublakhan27

6 Years Ago

Haha yes commas can be mischievous little tykes at times.
To the library with you.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

6 Years Ago

Many thanks^^
O_O You have a gift. Seriously. I'm in awe of your imagery, as it takes the soul and gives it wings. *applause* Beautiful, my darling.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

7 Years Ago

Thank you so much...that means a lot :)
I could relate to this quite deeply, thank you.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

7 Years Ago

You're very welcome^^
Honestly, this is so far my favorite poem you've ever written, not because I actually understand this one (which I do), but the flow of it, the words, the meaning. How long did it take you to write this one?

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

7 Years Ago

Oh my, I think I wrote the first version around 1998...it was one the first things I ever wrote...I .. read more
Destinyxi

7 Years Ago

I love all your work honey, but this one stood out to me. :)
kublakhan27

7 Years Ago

*hugs* and I'm glad you do :)

First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

825 Views
18 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 5 Libraries
Added on August 28, 2012
Last Updated on November 25, 2012
Tags: banished, muse, happy, wrote, felt, knew, hair, heart, pulse, loneliness, destiny, epic

Author

kublakhan27
kublakhan27

Nova Scotia, Canada



About
My first book is out! Any comments that anyone may have to offer regarding my work would be deeply appreciated, as I'm yet to get a review. www.amazon.com/Waltz-Around-Swirls-Steven-Fortune/dp.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..