REMEDIAL SUN

REMEDIAL SUN

A Poem by kublakhan27
"

08 28 12

"
"I have been studying how I may compare
This prison where I live unto the world;
And for because the world is populous,
And here is not a creature but myself,
I cannot do it.  Yet I'll hammer it out."
             -Shakespeare, Richard II, Act V.I

The world I fathom rhetorically orbits
around the whirr of a dust-peppered
triad of turbine limbs
inbreeding infinitely as electricity's
treaty permits
into a smorgasbord whirl of
processed plastic white

A remedial sun I compose
to counter outside's oven bulb
in the world I do not fathom

Heat's sniper of humidity
is not lost on me
with no canonized sense
even to establish it with

And even my own remedial sun
restricts a reality-knighting touch
with its ozone cage pried open
in unseen haste - a victim
of college's fugitive waltz
encased in the jazz fusion dance hall
of the world I cannot fathom

Is there a dual left-footed
interpretive dance of a carbon dimension
outside of reality's steaming kitchen
to fathom me?

© 2012 kublakhan27


Author's Note

kublakhan27
I can't remember the last time I've been so depressed upon posting one of my works. This poem is the equivalent of throwing my hands in the air, then burying my head in them. I wrote this literally just minutes ago, and it took about an hour. I'm struggling...this is the first thing I've written in a month or so. Maybe there is some solid poetry in here, but it doesn't feel like it. Anyways, enough of the sob story. Here's my newest poem...I imagine I'll go back to it sometime.

My Review

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Featured Review

Throwing your hands up in the air and burying your head in them??? My friend, your work here is a spiral of words that produces pain and you stated a world you cannot fathom. It is a place of darkness in which you will overcome. You may see this as a piece that is not solid, but I disagree. It is authoritative, strong, and the analogy's used to describe the state of mind are unwavering. Your quote at the beginning sets up the mood for the piece perfectly. Well written

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

9 Years Ago

Thank you so much Kate...that really does make me feel better and more confident than I did before I.. read more



Reviews

I don't know why you feel fed up with this one. You say you put a lot of work into it, which I do not doubt, but it flows off of the page so fluidly that you would think you wrote it in your sleep. The imagery in this is immaculate and something that I think many story writers should take note of. For someone with writer's block you still write a hell of a poem my friend!

inbreeding infinitely as electricity's
treaty permits
into a smorgasbord whirl of
processed plastic white

This line was particularly pleasing to me. I haven't seen the word smorgasbord used in writing before and it tickled my fancy. Well done, great write!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

7 Years Ago

Thanks so much for the lovely review Ashira, it brought a big smile to my face :) I was depressed an.. read more
Ashira Macy

7 Years Ago

I am glad you have come to see this one for the masterpiece that it is my friend. =)
You may be struggling, but your readers would never know it. I can feel the pain and emotion in your words. There are so many lines worth remembering. Truly outstanding poetry my friend. Your talent never ceases to amaze me.

:) Julie

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

7 Years Ago

Thank you so much my friend, you inspire me more than you know :)
Is there a dual left-footed
interpretive dance of a carbon dimension
outside of reality's steaming kitchen
to fathom me?

Read this remarkably original metaphor and the ponder the depth of its meaning. You writing is hand is as strong as ever … Bravo.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

7 Years Ago

Thank you Pryde, your support truly means a lot.
It is funny...I read the piece, and had the feeling of a sort of pained and frenzied poet, and then I read your author's note. Personally, I think that this one, certainly on an emotional level, is absolutely stellar. You hit all of the marks when it comes to flow and imagery, and your own unique style of wordplay. I would call this anything but a "throwing up of the hands". A touching write, indeed.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

8 Years Ago

It's funny how fickle we can be as artists with the mirror of our own work looking back at us...I li.. read more
Ha on your authors note we have all been there and will be back for more!!

This poem is of the type that does run erratically and occasionally stabs out at you....and that is not meant as a criticism oh no! That is what makes this poem actually better than you perceive it........yes its raw........but that's what gives it the energy and authority.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

8 Years Ago

Haha I hear that my friend...I won't speak for all writers on this front, but I know that when I wri.. read more
i think your mere frustration of not being particularly able to write a piece has given you an amazing angry ability to (ironically) write a really good piece! i could feel the frustration in the work and i actually thought it was rather well written. my favorite part was:
"And even my own remedial sun
restricts a reality-knighting touch
with its ozone cage pried open
in unseen haste - a victim
of college's fugitive waltz
encased in the jazz fusion dance hall
of the world I cannot fathom"
those images are strange and wonderful. thanks for sharing- and keep writing out your frustrations.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

8 Years Ago

It is an irony that is sweet while it lasts...rarely does it translate into something like this, whi.. read more
Dana Alsamsam

8 Years Ago

Never a problem! I'm glad you've come to enjoy it.
kublakhan27

8 Years Ago

:)
You are throwing your hands up with this one, huh? Well, I don't know why, Steve. Not at all. Your words spin and spin and whirl into a tornado of frustration. I feel like you are asking the world to really get you, but you feel like you don't get yourself sometimes. I am a very literal reader (and writer) So, I could be totally off base. This feels like poetry to me. Angi~

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

8 Years Ago

You are unmistakably spot-on Angi...it's interesting you found this one as there are many parallels .. read more
Angi

8 Years Ago

I am not always sure that I give your work the justice it clearly deserves. I have to try so hard t.. read more
kublakhan27

8 Years Ago

If you look at various reviews of past works, you'll notice that there is a very small group of peop.. read more
Ah, I love that last stanza. Correction, I love every word of this piece but I want to roll around naked in that last stanza. (I'll do it, too...)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

8 Years Ago

LOL And my response followed the very same pattern ;)
KAOlmsted

8 Years Ago

Ha! What on earth are They going to do with us...we are incorrigible ;-)
kublakhan27

8 Years Ago

Haha Indeed ;)
I could pick this piece to pieces, but it seems to have a basic truth about it in a way. Some of the phrasing produces a Dali-like abstract sense. You seemed to say it in the first line. In fact, for the main part, the humanistic world revolves around rhetoric - which produces all sorts of interpretations or none at all. Making sense of it is a nonsense. I like the punchline at the end. P.

Posted 8 Years Ago


kublakhan27

8 Years Ago

The opening passage really set the tone for what followed, even though it never occurred to me to op.. read more

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Added on August 29, 2012
Last Updated on August 29, 2012
Tags: world, despair, fathom, rhetoric, orbit, electricity, treaty, smorgasbord, remedy, sun, compose, outside, heat, humidity, summer, resignation, victim, reality, sense

Author

kublakhan27
kublakhan27

Nova Scotia, Canada



About
My first book is out! Any comments that anyone may have to offer regarding my work would be deeply appreciated, as I'm yet to get a review. www.amazon.com/Waltz-Around-Swirls-Steven-Fortune/dp.. more..

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