RAIN DAMAGE

06 07 13

...O true apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick...

Already I can feel
my famished curiosity
shrivel in sync with
my nervous system
in the chilly mist of mercy
human-style

Final thoughts fruitless
as my digestive tract

No clergyman of kin
around to crawl to me
and tickle this
velocious stupor
with the solace of a
shrunken heaven for the
most wanted
and
least
relevant

Author's Note

Opening citation: Romeo's last words...nuff said, or should I say, nuff said here...

Reviews

[Paige H]

I really enjoyed this poem. Ever since I was quite young, I have been basically in love with Shakespeare, so I quite liked the inclusion of that piece in the beginning. That segment flowed well with the rest of the piece and gave a nice continuum of thought on the topic. I particularly liked the line "with the solace of a shrunken heaven." For some reason this line really spoke to me. Great work on this poem!

[kublakhan27]

It's always cool to hear from another Shakespeare buff, and even though the idea for the opening quote didn't occur to me till I actually finished the piece, it has become the defining element for me, so I now believe it was swimming in my subconscious all the while as I was writing it haha Thank you my friend :)

[Rosalind Gale]

I just happened to see this; I was thrilled with the Shakespeare quote as I am named after 'Rosalind' from As You Like It. I love it when there are little synchronicities like that. There is so much going on in the poem, thoughts and feelings lurching high and low; a yearning for some redemption, an acknowledgement that, perhaps, there is not one to be found. Thank you for this thoughtful poem.
-x-

[kublakhan27]

Thank you for stopping by Rosalind...I totally agree with you on the joy of finding those little connections...there was a lot going on in my head when it was written, and it sounds and reads like that...I too worry about those possibilities...thanks so much for stopping by, I'm happy that you could relate so deeply to this one.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Romeo and Juliet, my favorite play...

i like this..endings for which there is no mercy...i have made my life such a mess of sin there is no forgiveness, no clergyman to save my soul...final thoughts of contrition fruitless...heaven has shrunk and there is no room for me.

damn i like your writing.

[kublakhan27]

Thanks so much my friend...there were scores of things going through my head at the time of writing and the R&J element was really just one facet of it...I guess I was never much for happy endings :P But I love your assessment and sympathize with it completely...all the best.

[s y e]

"Final thoughts fruitless
as my digestive tract"

Oh wow, who the heck are you and where is Steve? ;-P Ha, this is amazing! Like, you are an amazing writer. You've taken a classic write and turned it into something more modern, kind of updated, I loved it. It was a clever, intriguing write!

Nice job, buster. (;

~ Noodle..

[kublakhan27]

Haha you're actually not the first person to ask those things upon reading this one Noodle ;P Apparently this was quite the out-of-body experience on my part...this one does mean a lot to me but I had serious doubts as to whether that would translate to a reader...I'm really glad you like this one, thank you Sye :)

[s y e]

Ha really? I loved it though, it was different but I like different! (:

Pleasure!

[kublakhan27]

;)

[Melobldnfr]

"...most wanted and least relevant". Understood, as we seek to fill the hole in our spirits as we are taught and trained. Well done. Xo.

[kublakhan27]

So true...thank you Mel :) xo

[B-poet]

A clever and unique adaptation regarding the perils of dubiousness. Nice work. :)

[kublakhan27]

Thank you my friend :)

[Frieda P]

Where is Steve and what have you done with him? Have you taken your temp lately, this is much too straightforward to come from thy pen, color me perplexed, and discombobulated. I've never had to read you only once to get your drift. ;-)

[kublakhan27]

Steve is in the midst of an identity crisis I think haha Glad you like it my dear ;)

[Frieda P]

Ha I do, I'm just so confuzzleled now. ;-)

[kublakhan27]

Haha Actually I'm confuzzled too cuz I was depressed when I wrote this but I don't think anyone noticed, which is rare ;P

[Frieda P]

Offt, we're all poets here, we breathe depression Lol ;-P

[kublakhan27]

Haha no doubt ;P

[Pete Langley]

Yes. How much of our knowledge do we ultimately need for ourselves? Not a lot....only what we pass on is important. This is refined satire, Steve. P.

[kublakhan27]

Very true...thank you my friend.

[Caradoc]

I like how the piece winds down, transitioning from long sentences to a single word at the last. It really sets the tone of a fading consciousness, a life passing away. The narrator seems very cynical regarding their passing, but then, considering it's something they chose, it's to be expected.

The lines about a shrunken heaven are definitely my favorite. It felt "real" to me.

An interesting and well enjoyed piece, my friend.

-Caradoc

[kublakhan27]

I'm glad you were able to dial into this piece with the depth that you have, as I wasn't sure how clear I was with some of the motifs...it is a cynical piece for sure, not just from the perspective of a choice but a necessity as well...many thanks for the insights my friend.

[Caradoc]

Interesting. I shall have to have another read.

You're very welcome.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Elegantly written piece, my friend! You've taken a classic and turned it into something modern and thought provoking. I love the ideas and the concepts that you played with, as well as the metaphorical nature of this one. The last stanza, running into infinity (so to speak) with those one word lines really brought home the emotion of the piece and the death of the "Romeo". Well done!

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Sarah :) The Romeo motif was actually a last-minute thing, and I wasn't sure I even wanted to go with it, but I'm glad I did now haha Thanks for reading and understanding :)