The Secret in her eye

The Secret in her eye

A Story by Kuldeep desai

A true Story............


The Secret in her eye

On 1st  June 1993 Harini Bhattacharya had breakfast with John Wilson  for the last  time .For the rest of her life she would  remember every detail of that morning. Planning their first vacation, drinking tea with lemon for her nagging cough with her usual half of sugar. The fresh berry jam she would never taste it again, The flowers on her nightgown and especially her smile, that smile like the sunrise blending on with the sunlight on her left cheek. He was not in mood of replying anymore he was just seeing her like never before, his eyes said all the secretes in him and she got up realizing that time and tide waits for none but he sat there for a while seeing her all around and all around he didn’t care of time he just saw her like he was feeling lucky that he had got an angle in his life.

 Colva Police station, South Goa district, Goa. 2:30pm same day “Sir from tomorrow for 3 days I will be on leave I will be going to Bombay day after tomorrow”

   “then why are you taking leave tomorrow? If you are going on 3rd

“Sir I have some paper work to do regarding my property”

“Ok then Jamir you do one thing you come at night today you do night shift now you can go home”

 “Ok sir”

(Telephone starts riniging)

“Hello Inspector Jai here”

“Hello sir a guy has been stabbed very badly here at Benaulim ,Livarament road please come fast!!!!!!”

Before I could utter single word the phone was hung up, I got up took one of the Constable who was on duty and left the station within no time.

     When I reached the spot he was almost dead but I made my attempt to taking him to the nearby local hospital but in his fate it was his last day. No one on the spot could recognize the body after a while someone came in disguise running towards me

“Sir my name is Piyush I am friend of John is he all right?’

“Who are you talking about?”

“Sir that person who was stabbed, you brought just to the hospital”        

  “Oh….Mr.Piyush I am sorry to say that he his no more”

He collapsed on the ground in shock I made him to sit on the bench. Someone came after few minutes Piyush got up and went to him seemed to be his friend, they were in tension and I needed the clear picture of the murder which had happened a while ago. They came to me before they could say something I interrupted them

“Piyush please give me details about that man who is he and do you know who did this?’

“Sir I will tell you everything later first please come with us we want your help!!!!”


He hold my hand took me with them without replying anything, after driving for few minutes we reached a street were I saw some crowd near a house and Piyush stood back and insisted me to go and he begged me to save Harini who was Late. John’s wife. By clearing the crowd I made my way till the door were I saw 4 people dragging Harini and she was screaming “no no no!!!!!!”. When I entered inside one of the guy came to me ordering me to go out and he even pushed me back, when I just showed them my rewalwer they moved out, actually I was thinking of arresting them but they were 4 and they were like giants and moreover I didn’t had any Complaint to even investigate, piyush who was hiding outside don’t know why? came running after when they left, I was trying to figure out what is happening but couldn’t, When she saw Piyush she hugged him crying loudly “Its over, its over Piyush!!!” and he tried a lot to make her clam which was impossible .

“Sir we need to go to the safe place!!!”

“Ok lets go to our home, its bit safer and lonely”

  First we went to hospital to take the body and to bury it, after the funeral we came back to our home and time was around 7:00 pm evening till then I had never asked anything about her or him till then I was bit patient because I could understand the situation. After having a cup of tea Piyush and I went for a long walk leaving her alone in the house and he started to give me the clear picture of what had actually happened.

“Sir me and Harini are from a place called Pali it is at  Uttarpradesh and ours is an Orthodox  family. It’s a place were people have more fear than faith on God, there more than love and emotions, rules and regulations exists, Harini is from Bhattacharya family they are like the royal family in that area they are very popular all our India In carrying out Spiritual events like Pooja,Hooma etc. Harini after a lot of arguments she was allowed to study her degree were there is restriction that none of the women are not allowed to go out of their house, She was fed up seeing all there family Cultures traditions which she didn’t had belief in it. Meanwhile she met John who she fell in love with she liked him because he was living his life and he was doing what he liked to do he had freedom that’s what she wanted. Being in a orthodox family we will never get freedom, I also belong from the same place and same family, I am her cousin. I helped them to escape from Pali to goa and I work here, since John was Photographer and he was quite famous to find a job for him was easy. I was knowing that they would be searching for Harini but I don’t know how they got to know and I never imagined that they would even kill John. The 4 men you saw at her house were sent by Harini’s father so I didn’t enter when they were in the house and they don’t know that I am helping them and I cant give complaint and also you cant do anything because they have high influence, as per my guess they will be coming with our MLA by tomorrow and he will order you to handover Harini to them.

“But now john is not there its better for her to go home right?”

“Home!!!! its hell Jai, now if she go there do you know what they will do? she has to wear a white saree  and she should be in home all her life, she will be treated like slave in her own house so called Widow”

“Oh my god!!! Now what you are thinking of doing?”

“From tomorrow they will start searching for her, somehow I should take her to Bombay, One of her friend lives in Germany, I will send her there so that she can live in peace”

“ But if they see you with her they will not leave you and how can you take her if they are searching?, and also I think by know they are suspicious about you that you are helping them and even they may call you or those men may come to your home do one thing today at 10:00 there is train you leave today tomorrow  night one of my collegue is going to Bombay  and also he is Muslim I will send her with him saying his wife so that she can wear “Burkha”( Islamic women wear a black dress covers whole body) and they cant even find her”

“Perfect!!!!  I will go tomorrow and make all the arrangements for passport,Thank you sir for the help.”

“Its ok you just take care of her”

 We went home he convinced her by explaining everything she was sitting like dumb and deaf, I had never seen anyone like that my heart started pounding for her, I felt like to fight against to all those people and give justice to her, but I know it was impossible and I was doing my best. I sent an message to Jamir to come and meet me at my house, he came after 15 minutes and I explained him everything, at first he hesitated to help as he was afraid of them but somehow I convinced him.

“Sir but why you are taking so interest in this case? I don’t understand the reason, just leave her to her parents.”

“Jamir I  like to see the bird to fly in sky instead of being in cage”

“Sir but its not yours, it doesn’t matter for you whether its flying or in cage”

“That only my mind knows, my heart doesn’t know that”

“Whatever, sir the Train is at 5:00 at evening I will come by 4, I have to take her not only by hiding her from them but also by my wife, if she come to know about this she will kill me, I have kept the Burkha on the table please be ready in time”

“k, thank you Jamir, u take leave now bye”

        I entered the house which was quiet very quiet I usually liked this peace but today it was annoying me, I went to the room were she was resting

“Come lets have dinner?”

She didn’t reply I sat beside her and waited for her reply after sometime

“Don’t wait for me, I am not hungry anymore”

“But if……”

“please don’t force me for anything, please leave me alone”

I left her as I could see her anger on me don’t know why? And I too was not hungry and I slept.


June 2nd 1993,Woke up at 5:00 am that night was horrible I was not able to sleep but why? Is that because of her if it is, why I should be in disguise? whole night I have been thinking but whenever I could imagine her eyes would appear first and I don’t know why it was so attractive I don’t know why it made my heart so weak which was strong enough in facing all obstacles and Why I was hearing the sound “Harini Harini” all around me. All these questions kept me in disguise.

     Sitting on my bed I was just imagining how this day would go but when it would conclude that atlast she would leave and go wherever she want my mind would feel relaxed but my heart I could feel some pain in it what kind of pain is that? I never go to know, after a while I heard a sound like wooden stool falling down I just went to see wondering any cat had entered inside my house, but for my bad she was trying to hang herself and already she had kicked the stool which fell down. I ran towards her Held her leg tightly lifted her up for a while I was in complete shock somehow I dragged the stool gave the support untied the saree which she had used for hanging I took her to the bed she sat  gave her cup of water because she had a long cough after when I untied her.

            I didn’t speak a word don’t know what to speak? I was in shock more than her. But I made my mind and I wanted to eliminate such thoughts from her mind.

“If you wanted to be dead, you would have gone with them why you were screaming no no no!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“they would have also not allowed me like you did now”

“oh great so you are comparing me with them”

“Whatever I am not in a mood in arguing with you”

“ You better be quiet and listen here, if you think that by hanging yourself you will get rid of all these thing and you can go happily, Coward you are, if you didn’t had that dare why you married John? Do you think he would be happy?

“He is not there and I am nothing without him what am I supposed to do? And by the way who the hell are you to tell me all these things?”

“I am that person who brought you from the darkness, I am that person who lifted you when you wanted to go down, I cant give back John but can give you hope, I want you to live your life. Go faraway, stay away from all the obstacles just you, your breath, your heartbeat. You just believe, believe in yourself, one day you will achieve something and show them how to live, how to be alive, if you die you will be just an example, if you live you will be the inspiration and Choice is yours.”

Just came out entered the kitchen prepared the breakfast and by that time I had already got an call from our MLA at the station, as Piyush had said they had gone to our MLA for the help, I got ready quickly to go station, she was still in grief and was trying stop her tears but couldn’t.

“Breakfast is ready I will go to the station and I will return back early”, she didn’t reply

“See I don’t know to say things twice and still you have option, breakfast is at the kitchen, rope is at the attic”


       I attended the call he insisted me to help them in finding Harini and also to close the case of John saying it as a accident. I agreed to his order and did whatever was supposed to be done. Those 4 giants had already come to the police station, they were seeing me like they would kill me if I was not a police.

“I received the call I was not knowing you were our MLA’s men, I don’t know were she is but I will help you in finding her”

“No need to, you just don’t interrupt we will do everything”


They left and somewhere I was getting a feeling that they would find her, moreover I had spoken very harsh with Harini what would she do, will she hang again? Fear in my heart grew like an fire, I just handover the files to one of my assistant and ran towards my home hoping that she is safe why did I talk in that way what had happened to me? What is happening? What is going to happen? Fear had covered my whole body, I was just running with the hope.


              I reached home after running for 10mins, I stood near the door, I didn’t see anyone went to the living room Tv was on with high volume, entered the room she was not there my heart beat started to rise came to the living room I got a kind of smell from kitchen, I just stepped to kitchen it was a smell of cury which she was prepairing for lunch and I was relaxed, happy that she had changed her mind. She saw me and came out of the kitchen.

“ Did you eat your breakfast?”


“how was it?”

“Good, little bit salty but it tasted good”

“Thank you”

“For what?”

“For entering into the kitchen I mean for changing your mind and sorry for being harsh, I shouldn’t have been’


  “ If John was there he would have also done the same thing, we usually chat in the same way like it happened in the morning, I was very angry but don’t know on whom to show you were the only choice but you replied like him each word you said were seemed like I was hearing from him hope is the only thing I have now and you’re the only person who has special place in my heart now”

“But I am not John”

  “No you are not, you are something precious like him for me, I will not forget what you have done but I will not say thank you its not enough for what you have done but one day I will come back for you may be I can repay or not for what you have done, but for sure I will be there for you”

“Even I don’t know how I would react If I was in your place, I am happy that you have gathered all the courage. If you cry you will forget him, he should be with you don’t let him go in terms of tears”

She had decided this life of her should have an happy ending no matter whatever happens, to stop the pain inside her she expressed everything whatever was in her mind and somehow felt relax she spoke non stop I never had conversation like that before, she even asked me about my place, parents.

   We had lunch a comic show was running on the TV, finally I saw a smile on her face.

“You know what, among the women whom I have seen in my life your 2nd most beautiful”

“Who is first?”

“you only but when you smile”.

We had lunch she took all the plates and pans to clean it but I stopped her “no what are you doing ? I will do it “

“Let me do Jai, From tomorrow I wont be there”

“k lets both do it!!!!”

She was leaning her head Concentrated on plates I was standing next to her I could see her eyes filled with tears, with power of hypnotization I just stood staring at her without noticing that she was feeling uncomfortable of that after a while she turned towards me with tears rolling down, I made my hand forward to touch her eyes and rub her tears, she couldn’t control her pain hugged me, don’t know why tears started rolling from my eyes too.

“ I had said no if you cry you will forget him”

“Now i didn’t cry for him, I am going Jai I am going today I wanted to go by taking everything from here but I cant I have to leave my heart here”

    Time was already 4:00pm and she got ready, Jamir came at 4:15 we went to the station, I took her luggage and entered the station but for my fate those 4 giants were already in station, one of the man came near me and enquired about the bag and me and I explained them that Jamir and his wife are going and I just came to send, I didn’t  show any fear replied very boldly.

She was on Burkha but was very fear of them , She was shivering Jamir looked bit tensed, but I was in grief just waiting for the train, train will be half an hour late sation master came and informed, she got bit more tensed, they were waiting whether she could come for that train, Jamir was just observing me, mine red eyes, pale face, uncommon behavior.

     “Sir what has happened to you? You don’t look tensed but you seem like you have lost something and your feeling very bad for it”

“A single day had changed her life the next day changed mine we were together just for one day I had many kind of feelings on her sympathy, pity, respect but when I see her eyes my heart instead of its beat it would jump like it wanted to come out from my chest and lie on my hand.”

“Sir what are you saying? What has happened to you, the train will be coming now by fifteen minutes and she will go please remove those thoughts from your mind, do you think they will leave you they don’t hesitate in doing another murder.”

“even she too feels the same”

“What do you mean?”

“She likes me, She want to come near me but she won’t, She want to hug me tight and cry for once but she won’t, She want to live in my heart but she wont , She will regret whole her life not being without me but she will never come to me, she has made up her mind to be with memories, but I am not like her I don’t know how to live without true love.”

Train arrived five minutes early, those 4 giants entered the train and searched for her everywhere Jamir and harini boarded the train, I wanted to talk to Harini atleast say proper goodbye but they were there if I went near and talk to her they would easily find out, and I don’t wanted to make the last mistake I waited for them to go, but they keep on searching I was feeling like to shoot them. She sat in the window seat and was seeing me for next 5 minutes we spoke through our eyes, Train was started and was about to leave and I was controlling my tears, they came out of the train in anger because they had not found her, wheels started rotating and train was slowly moving and I was waiting for them to get out of the station, they gave the one photocopy of Harini to station master and ordered him to inform if he would see her, and went outside atlast turned back towards me with the suspicious look and I gave them the fake smile.

They had left, not only they even train had left almost platform, I ran faster and faster like the fastest men in this world but train was more faster than me, but not faster than my emotions which  flew in light speed and reached her she came near the door she was seeing me like never before she realized something tears rolled on her cheeks. She made her hand forward I tried to reach her somehow I could make it I touched her hand she tried to hold it very tightly and she whispered my name “Jai”  but for my fate a pole came in my way and I was hit by that I fell down, the train moved it seemed like an Vampire taking my angel, she waved her hand and she was standing near the door till she could see me and I could see her.

The train moved more faster

And she was no longer

My heart beat was not proper

She came like lightning and went so sooner

But her eyes said all the Secrets in her















© 2015 Kuldeep desai

My Review

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Man, you surely have a way getting into the readers' emotions...
The last lines you wrote.....
just can't describe how it feels. I've known the pain of losing someone and your story had let few tears of mine fall upon my mobile screen. And these tears are the signs of appreciation. No long review can overtake those tears...........
Keep writing, I'm so very glad reading your works....

Posted 6 Years Ago

Kuldeep desai

6 Years Ago

oh no......that's so special....This might be the one of the best review that i have got but i am mo.. read more
Anindita Janhabee

6 Years Ago

it was my pleasure reading you... and lots if respect from my side too...
This story says a lot about the world in which it happened, which can sometimes feel very foreign to some of us. I can hear the heart break. It is truly a profound story.

Are interested in some suggestions for words, grammar and structure?

Posted 7 Years Ago

Kuldeep desai

7 Years Ago

Sure please suggest and I will try to improve , I am glad that your read it.........

7 Years Ago

Maybe I will do a small section and send you some ideas in mail? Do you have a section you would pre.. read more
Kuldeep desai

7 Years Ago

Yeah send it to my [email protected]
A sad story my friend.
“She likes me, She want to come near me but she won’t, She want to hug me tight and cry for once but she won’t, She want to live in my heart but she wont , She will regret whole her life not being without me but she will never come to me, she has made up her mind to be with memories, but I am not like her I don’t know how to live without true love.”
Left me with sadness and visions. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.

Posted 8 Years Ago

Kuldeep desai

8 Years Ago

thank u for reading.......
Coyote Poetry

8 Years Ago

You are welcome.
Its a true story,,,,,,,,,,,,, read,rate and review

Posted 8 Years Ago

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4 Reviews
Added on May 31, 2015
Last Updated on June 4, 2015
Tags: Love, emotions, grief, better, best, friendship, sacrifice


Kuldeep desai
Kuldeep desai

Bengaluru, India

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