Raiden part 3

Raiden part 3

A Story by Kyle

A continuation of John and Raiden's encounter.


She rises up and settles over him, easing him inside her. She holds her breath, savoring the way they fit together. Then almost with out her realizing it her hips start to rock slowly against his. She searches his face and finds his eyes on her and instead of blushing at his scrutiny she is emboldened by it. Her hips twitched faster, taking him in deeper as she groans in pleasure.


"This is amazing." John utters breathlessly as the movements start picking up speed. John wants this and needs this anyway, but with someone so incredibly gorgeous?

Raiden is in shock. She can't quite fathom how this has happened this evening but she is thrilled that it has and is greatly enjoying every sweet second. "I wonder if I will ever see him again."

She decides to push those thoughts from her mind and just enjoy this time with him.


She leans forward, her breasts grazing his chest, as her mouth finds his. She loves the way he tastes, the way he smells. He seems perfect to her.

Suddenly he flips them both around and he is on top looking down at her. When he started moving inside her she wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling him closer. Sweat pops out on her forehead as she can't keep from gasping. Their mutual explosion in ecstasy is indescribable.


Much later, Raiden kisses him on the mouth and grins before going to the restroom to shower. When she finishes and opens the door.  He is gone just as she expected.  Sadly, she walks over to the bed and finds a piece of paper folded across her pillow.

"Thanks for a lovely time. I'm late for a meeting.  Raiden, can we have breakfast tomorrow in my room?" She notices John’s key card and room number lying beside her pillow. Smiling, she starts to finish dressing. She couldn’t wait for breakfast!



© 2011 Kyle

Author's Note

I'm not sure of where to go from here. Suggestions?

My Review

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I don't want to come off as being overly critical; but it sounds like you want some honest feedback. I see two areas that you should be aware of (if you are not).
Watch your tenses; I have read several of your stories, so my comments are directed at the cumulative of your works that I have read. You have a tendency to write in both the past and present in the same story. Secondly, I would suggest watching your punctuation and sentence structure. Example: in the second to last paragraph of this story you penned "When she finishes and opens the door." That is an incomplete sentence. It's tough when you are just getting started writing. Mistakes are common, but having the roots of proper grammar and punctuation, goes a long way. Good luck.

Posted 8 Years Ago

So I haven't actually reviewed erotica before.

--Then almost with out her realizing-- without. One word.

--Her hips twitched faster,-- verb tense breakage.

--When he started moving inside her she wrapped her legs-- verb tense again.

Overall I think you need more of a build-up before their mutual explosion. I wanna hear the bed rock.

The end was adorable! I loved it! Raiden's all happy it wasn't a one night stand. Lovely.

Suggestions on where to go from here. In the words of Captain Hammer, "They say it's better the second time - they say you get to do the weird stuff." Don't know if that helps much.

If you want to give us the breakfast scene, it can go either way - really awkward or very open and casual. Remember all that telling you did in part 1? You can delete it from there and reveal that information in Raiden and John's breakfast conversation.

Posted 8 Years Ago

"I wonder if I will ever see him again" Love this line! A very erotic love story. You have captured the essense of hot sensual encounter quite well. Great writing. Shall we be expecting more?

Posted 8 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

whew...that is one hot encounter ;)
I'm happy he wants to continue contact with her. I am anxious to see where this leads.

Posted 8 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love the the ending.. at first I was like "oh no" but you pulled it through lol.xx

Posted 8 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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5 Reviews
Added on June 21, 2011
Last Updated on June 21, 2011




I need to focus on my writing more. I tend to write something decent, and then lose interest. My goal is to finish some of the things that I have started and post them soon. Thanks for dropping.. more..

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