Lost!

Lost!

A Story by Kyle
"

This is the story of a man who gets lost in a remote wooded area. Parts of this story have been co written by Muse from this site.

"

He can barely stand the frigid cold. His surroundings have become less familiar, and it's becoming dark.   He is lost. Freaking lost!  Jared is now desperate, if not frantic.

 

His current location? Somewhere in a forest in rural Claybourne County and a trail of spent Budweiser cans.

He had set out to check on his deer stand on state land, and to put out some deer licks nearby. But somehow, on his way back to his pick-up truck, he got really buzzed and confused. Drunk and lost!

He was already anxious to begin with; Jared has been counting down the days for the hunting season to begin, only two months away.  He wanted to make sure his hunting spot was ready to go when he arrived again early in the morning of November 6th,   the opening of the firearm hunting season.


Jared heads west, further and further into the wilderness. This is the exact opposite direction of where his truck is.  He is walking very fast, believing strangely that his relative speed alone will help him to find his truck sooner.

 

S**t!  I'm really f*****g lost!

 

The worst part is that Jared can’t see. He has to literally feel the space right in front of him. He stumbles in every direction he takes. The scant moonlight does help a bit, but the darkness is making this more terrifying.   It has now been only an hour since Jared started his walk back to the pickup, but it seems much longer.

 

Damn it! I knew I shouldn't have taken my cell phone out to charge it in the truck. I could use it right now.  And, drinking that six pack isn’t helping me right now!

 

Jared takes another stumble. This time he falls hard. He punches the ground with his fist, cursing the cold dirt beneath him. Jared rolls in pain onto his back, staring up at the stars through the gaps in the high trees.  Jared absently reaches out to them, but notices the back of his hand glowing.

 

Jared sits up and looks behind him.  Far away in the distance is some light. From where he doesn’t know, but right now he couldn't care less.  Jared is cold and almost exhausted, but hopes there might be help there.

 

Jared limps as he walks toward that light. He hopes for it to be a house light, or the handheld light of a passerby.

 

So like a moth drawn toward a flame he walks toward the only thing that brings him comfort. The cold is punishing his nose and fingers. The sting from the previous fall is still fresh as he pulls out the tiny pine needles that have pierced his hands.

 

Jared groans from his upset stomach that is wrapped up in nerves and stomach acid.  He spits a few times.

 

Jared keeps walking toward the source of that light.  He starts to feel better as he knows the light is a real one and that it likely means there must a person responsible for it.  A real person! He realizes that the light is coming from a small trailer house that is still about 150 yards ahead behind a number of wild bushes, over hanging trees, and old abandoned small buildings on the property.

 

As Jared gets closer he realizes the condition he is in.  He is likely bleeding or at least scratched in a number of places, he is limping from his fall, and his long hair is a thorny mess. He is also out of breath.   “Should I pause for a few minutes and collect myself before I knock on the door?  I don’t want to scare the s**t out of anyone!”

 

Jared knocks quickly wanting someone to help him who will be kind and hospitable. After a few knocks, he presses his ear against the door. The small window on the door starts to fog up from Jared's heavy breathing, but he hears what sounds like someone stirring from within.

 

He knocks again.  After another moment Jared manages a timid "Hello?" , which is followed by eery silence.  Jared backs away suddenly as someone turns the door knob slowly.  Peering from behind the door he sees the silhouette of someone hunched over, black, and obscure in the darkness.

 

Then suddenly, Jared feels the sharp jab of a cane that has been shoved through a hole in the screen door.  Ahh!   The strange woman has hit him with an old cane!  Jared instinctively grabs the cane and pulls it away from her in an act of self preservation.

 

"Who are you? What do you want!"  The voice is raspy, abrupt, and harsh.

 

Umm.   I need some help.”  Jared stammers.   Sorry to bother you.”   Jared can’t believe this.  He was expecting someone far less odd.   But, do you have a phone?”  

 

The old woman only stares silently.  She is looking intently at this stranger.  She has not had anyone at her door in more than a year.

© 2011 Kyle


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Featured Review

I think this story has an interesting start/ suspense sequence. However, I do have a few bits of CC to give.

Instead of saying that 'He can't see', try to show the reader that he can't see. Say that it's black as night, he strained to see in the darkness, he had to use his hands to feel his way through the forest, etc.

Other than that, interesting beginning!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

interesting write....I am curious as to how this subject idea germinated in you. I will like to read more.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

is there more? Good writing, and it flowed very nicely.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i like this you captured me in the reading

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

very interesting, love how you created suspense at the end...wonderful write !

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think this story has an interesting start/ suspense sequence. However, I do have a few bits of CC to give.

Instead of saying that 'He can't see', try to show the reader that he can't see. Say that it's black as night, he strained to see in the darkness, he had to use his hands to feel his way through the forest, etc.

Other than that, interesting beginning!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this story was suspenseful from the start. even when he sees the light, there is a foreboding element about it. even in the end when he asks for help, and the old lady not having seen anyone in more than a year, there is still a bit of a cliff hanger there because i really don't know what to expect. you don't know why she hasn't seen anyone for that long; maybe it's of her own device. leaves a lot of questions. i really enjoyed this.

Posted 7 Years Ago


good write. With regards.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Eerie- leaves the reader wondering whether good or evil will ensue... Very nice simile of the moth. Keep writing.

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on December 3, 2011
Last Updated on December 3, 2011

Author

Kyle
Kyle

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About
I need to focus on my writing more. I tend to write something decent, and then lose interest. My goal is to finish some of the things that I have started and post them soon. Thanks for dropping.. more..

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