Go Away

Go Away

A Poem by Simplicity
"

I haven't written in so long... And while the feeling of writing something new is great, this feels forced. Honest reviews are appreciated.

"

No matter how much I cry
Or how I complain,

Your help is unneeded, unwanted.

No matter how fragile I seem,
I’m stronger than I look.

 

Why do you keep coming back,

Even though I’m clear when I say

“I can handle it.”

It’s hard to keep my face dry

When you’re trying so hard to soothe the pain.

 

I’ve been through worse,

I’ve cried harder.

My spirit is strong,

And such a petty thing like this warrants no attention.

So let me fight for my sanity alone;

One against a hundred.

 

I neither need nor want help

In a battle like this.

So please,

Just go away.


 

© 2009 Simplicity


Author's Note

Simplicity
Constructive criticism is appreciated.

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Featured Review

Looks to me like you're stuck in the muddle of a thought (I want to be alone). The same message is repeated in every stanza - that might be why it feels forced. The poem doesn't really take the reader on a voyage or offer any insight except that the writer wants to be left alone. Maybe you could work with the third stanza to move things along - show the reader (or the person you're addressing) how you can get along by yourself and then wrap up the poem in the fourth stanza by either showing how you've succeeded on your own or admiting a weakness that draws the other person into your life - allows him/her to help you out. Just some random thoughts, as long as you asked.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

even though you say that this feels forced, I think it actually captures the mood quite well. there seems to be a desperate edge to the speaker in your poem, which connects to the repetative message that you put out there. Its very simply written, yet evokes understanding and emotion nonetheless. I like this. and thank you for sharing it.
Best part of this poem:
"My spirit is strong,
And such a petty thing like this warrants no attention.
So let me fight for my sanity alone;
One against a hundred."




Posted 10 Years Ago


Looks to me like you're stuck in the muddle of a thought (I want to be alone). The same message is repeated in every stanza - that might be why it feels forced. The poem doesn't really take the reader on a voyage or offer any insight except that the writer wants to be left alone. Maybe you could work with the third stanza to move things along - show the reader (or the person you're addressing) how you can get along by yourself and then wrap up the poem in the fourth stanza by either showing how you've succeeded on your own or admiting a weakness that draws the other person into your life - allows him/her to help you out. Just some random thoughts, as long as you asked.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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2 Reviews
Added on December 15, 2009
Last Updated on December 15, 2009

Author

Simplicity
Simplicity

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About
I am quiet and sarcastic, dreamy and romantic. I'm jealous of anyone who claims to have gray eyes, and despise the realization that I do, in fact, exist. Every day is a day to learn, although what I w.. more..

Writing
Love Is Love Is

A Poem by Simplicity





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