The Great Pretender

Sometimes what people see on the outside doesn't match whats going on inside.

I am a great pretender. Its something I’ve always done. I’ve become so good at it that most people don’t realize that I am pretending. I hold everything bottled up inside of me, and I cover it with a smile. Inside I am being ripped apart, but I pretend I have it all together. I pretend I’ve never had a broken heart. Truthfully its been shattered. I pretend to be independent but dependence is all I know. I pretend to be happy, when in fact I am depressed. I pretend I beat my illness, but I battle it everyday. I’ve lost my trust in the person I love most, but everything is fine. I take all of this and I tuck it away. Eventually it consumes me. The rug gets pulled from underneath me and I fall. In the darkness I lay broken, shattered, destroyed. I have no more tears to cry, no more stars to reach for, no more places to hide. Then something happens. Slowly I began to get up. I pull myself out of the darkness, I reach up towards the stars. I’m done hiding. Now when I smile it’s real. When I say I feel good, it’s because I truly do. When I say my heart is not broken, it’s because its been mended. I emerge from a nightmare a stronger woman, a truly independent woman. A woman who has learned to love and trust with her whole heart. I emerge as my own woman……or am I just pretending?