From Darkness to Light and back again

k

I sleep in darkness in hopes I wake in light.

I pray for the darkness to end and the light to start.

 IT wraps around my heart till there is nothing

and when I am numb to the current pain a new pain begins.

Why must I suffer am I the only one.

no.

Then I find enough courage to carry on. 

I try and open my eyes but I am blinded by darkness.

I attempt to move but I am bond by chains to home.

prefer this blade to my heart,

then to live in sorrow another day.

I bid this world farewell

for I have been through darkness light and back again.

 

 

 

Reviews

Mr. G
You must tell me what to call you and why you have named yourself gimp.
Not trying to rub in the fact of the spelling problems, it's just that many people
will not be willing to look beyond this. On to your poem:

Is IT the darkness, the pain, both, or whatever we as readers project into it?
Binded may need to be "bound". You convey the pain and frustration well. The
back and forth between pain and hope, pain and courage, drowning in pain and
wanting to live. This one is effective, but I think you have much more to give us.

Writers write. Everything else is a guideline.
Hattie

[.]

You have an interesting poem. I think you have good components here, that can be enhanced. The poem seems to be an outline for the emotions you want to touch on in the plot. That is good. Now you have something to build off of. I'm going to ignore spelling errors and such, trusting that at some point you will go back through and try to pick up on them. So if the components that you currently have in your poem is an outline of the emotions that you want to portray, the question now is how to enhance them. I think details and specifics are the way to go. Right now there are a lot of generalities in the poem. You talk about hope, pain, more pain, some suffering, throw in a little courage, then go back pain. These words have lots of different meanings and degrees that add depth to your poem. I'm not just talking about vocabulary though. Descriptions, details, scenes, all have this same effect. So for a quick example, it's the difference between saying pain, and a searing burn. The point of doing what I'm talking about is to have the reader more invested into your work. The more you describe, the more they can picture. Then they are involved in what you are doing, and hopefully becoming emotionally invested in what's written. A way to help you think about this, is try making a story out of this poem. Not a real story with paragraphs, but have a plot, describe what is going on, things like that. I think you have a good start. You have an emotion that you want to express and a struggle to help add tension, all good stuff. I hope my review helps, and if you'd like to ask any questions, feel free to drop a line.

[Missy Jane]

Interesting poem. There are a few technical issues.
-"Darkness" in your title is missing "k"
-"in hopes I wake in light" this doesn't flow well. Perhaps "I'll" would work better.
-"IT" why is this underlined and capitalized? One or the other would suffice for emphasis.
-"Why must I suffer am I the only one." This needs either a comma or a period.
-"Then I look arond think: no." missing "and"
-"binded by chains to home" should be "bound"
-"I have a blade I prefer this blade in my heart" this needs either a comma or a period
-"then live in sarrow another day." missing "to" and should be "sorrow"
-"darkness light and back again" missing comma between "darkness" and "light"


This is an interesting poem that I think will flow better once these issues are fixed. Good imagery.

[gimpy]

thanks for advice the reason I have not used spell cheak is becuse I did not have the right soft ware but now I will take full use oh and IT is you. like when good things are there but you stand in your own way my name is gimp becuse in 6th grade I was realy short so all these tall girls huged me (nothing more) so that made me kind of a pimp and then I had good grades and well manered conducted so I was a geek and my freind I use the term lightly created the name gimp
P.S I like mr. g
P.P.S so we can get thing off without confushion I'm 13