The Weeping Heart

Heaven sought perfection so long as I lay cradled in your feathers,

even the flawless monarchs misanthropically bowed as we glided across

the cloudy heart of human paradise, giggling with ecstasy while I

nuzzled into the agile comfort of lacy phalanges.

But 'twas just memories haunting the present

while the feel of stingy tears lingered amidst freshly sewn gashes,

bleeding black, bleeding blue,

bleeding you;

for you discovered me wielding a dusty feather and cackled insanity,

gazing as my fingers twined razors between them,

weeping whilst my heart bled of color

and my hands remained spotless.

Do you not remember?

You drowned me in those tears,

or rather was it I that drowned myself?

For I recalled the days you crooned:

“ Death has no swing, ”

and grinned with my last breath,

embracing darkness,

as you did me.

Yet, I awoke at the very same spot,

my veins repaired by your feathers, sharp as razors,

my heart dripping with tears that smelled of your breath,

as I wept in remorse.

O, why did he have to save me

from the emptiness,

only to depart?

Author's Note

I forced this out. Thoughts?

Reviews

[Bluefire]

I like this piece a lot, it's like the protagonist is remembering a sweet time when their love was at its highest peak, at its best. And then was ripped away, leaving the protagonist to bleed and die, remembering the great times.
Very well done. ^^

[Tai Ryens]

Thank you, Blue! It means a lot

[Bluefire]

No problem! ^^

[Frieda P]

Intense metaphors add to the dark sadness and pulse of this piece....

You drowned me in those tears,
or rather was it I that drowned myself?

Being saved only to be set adrift is probably worse than heartbreak itself...Outstanding read!

[SHEEMA HUQ]

This is immaculately laid out and written, again dark and disturbing and I especially appreciate the way your character has drifted back into consciousness with precisely that fashion, brilliant work here Tai, really!

[Tai Ryens]

I truly am flattered, my thanks to you

[SHEEMA HUQ]

You are very deserving Tai, I hope that you are keeping well :)

[SHEEMA HUQ]

You writing croons with vivid scenarios, you write like an accomplished reader of fantasy, history, classics, simply stunning :)

[Tai Ryens]

Aha, much thanks! It means a lot.

[Writer #00]

It seems you have a love for angels/heavens as a literary topic. To be honest, I'm still trying to figure this out after reading it over a few times. It appears the narrator is at first in the comforting protection of a righteous being (perhaps an angel, given the feather) who then, for some reason unbeknownst to the reader, leaves the narrator. The narrator still pines for the angel and its comfort, but it is a memory long gone (hence the dusty feather). There is another character 'you' (who, for the purposes of this review will be dubbed You) who realizes the foolishness in the narrator's wishes (perhaps the narrator, to call the angel hack, inflicted harm upon itself in hopes the angel would feel worry and return?) and actions. The tears referred to may also be memories from when You was in pain ??? And now there is no connection between You and the narrator, but You save the narrator anyway, leaving once more when You gets the chance. In the end, it seems as if You was the angel and the two were together all along. I know I missed some things and probably misinterpreted this all, but it was very interesting and thought-provoking. One little possible error (never know with poems: while the feel of stingy tears...-->while the FEELING of stingy tears???). Well written, even though it was forced out. I normally would recommend not to force poetry, but it seemed to yield something pleasing for you, anyhow. : )

Soft feathers /1
Dusty feathers /0
Razor feathers/0

[Tai Ryens]

That, dear friend, is the one error you forgot to take in. I make no errors in poetry (only in spelling and grammar ;D), I suppose I shall let out a hint?
Stingy = ?
Tears = ?
Linger = ?
Cough*try to personify the tears*cough

[Baby Ricochet]

You're still good with the violent metaphors and you still write more like a love Lorne middle aged man than a teenager so that much is still Tai. The poem reads like it was heavily influenced by Tai rather than Tai but you've not been posting much on the wc and we all go through fazes with writers block. Part of the reason I write so much disposable crap is to avoid writers block. Senryus are good for that. You can crank them out in minutes and they keep you thinking when you've got nothing.

[Tai Ryens]

Ah, I do enjoy honest reviews. 'tis true I haven't written much recently, only stared blankly at empty pages hoping a flair of wits would return. I do write many haikus, however, but I don't post them (I'm debating whether to post a collection in the form of a novella). Thanks for your thoughts.

[Baby Ricochet]

A haiku novella could be cool.

[*Clare*]

Brilliant! Loved the every line.. It was well written

[Tai Ryens]

I thank you kindly