A Held Breath

The calm before the storm haunts me
with its emptiness so thick,
like the foggy memory of a
moment past,
where I can recall only the clouds
drifting amid the rustic skies above,
and the taste of your lips against mine,
and the feeling of your breath against my neck;
and nothing else.

Here and now,
all I taste is the nostalgia nested in my throat,
all I feel is fear as I gasp for air
in the stillness of the present,
careful to stir the nasty weather’s caprice
from its halcyon slumber.

Perhaps, if I lie in wait
in silence,
still,
the storm will forget it’s due,
and I’ll feel once more the breeze of the world
as she exhales against my neck.

Author's Note

I'm only now slightly tugging at the reins writer's block has on me, be harsh with your criticisms, if you'd please. Thank you for reading.

Photo courtesy of Marta Bevacqua, or M0THart, of Deviant Art.

Reviews

[Hawkmoon]

careful to stir the nasty weathers caprice (should that be (not to stir)) ?

and I would take out the word nasty, maybe use the word wicked? (alliteration)

halcyon and caprice, excellent words here's another good one : adamantine!

natalie goldberg is a great writing teacher ... the Wild Mind

[Tai Ryens]

Thank you for stopping by.

[Hawkmoon]

I didnt stop, I kept going and I dont say by, I say aloha

[Stephen]

Im having writer's block myself. unfortunately, since I have writer's block, I will not be able to tell you what is blocked. My mind is off on vacation I think, without my permission. I wish he would at least come and discuss his vacation with me before he leaves. I can't function without him!!!!!! But good job, working while he is on vacation. That is dedication.

[Tai Ryens]

Thank you for stopping by with yoru thoughts, writer's block truly is a hassle to handle.

[Bluefire]

I could tell it was a little, just a tiny bit forced, as if your lungs had threatened to quit but you made them take air in anyway.
Maybe it was the way you wrote it, or the feelings behind every word. I will never know.
Anywho! The was dark and heartfelt, hectic as the senses become during an intense battle.
This was rightly named.
Well played! ^^

[Tai Ryens]

Aha, you caught me! Writer's block can be quite a bother. Thank you for your thoughts, Blue!

[Bluefire]

No problem. ^^

[Einstein Noodle]

i am not much of one to offer much in the way of critique .. have limited experience in and education in writing .. but .. i think this is extraordinary .. i know the calm that sucks the earths breath from its core .. its an awe inspiring moment .. relating it to past love is .. well ..breathtaking in my opinion .. ;) so tragic that the storm ..when breaking is all thunder, lightening and deluge :{ .. enjoyed reading your poem and the experience it put me through .. i would not change a thing!
E.

[Tai Ryens]

Thank you for stopping by, Einstein, it means a lot!

[SPINNING ON that dizzy ..]

I like the visual creativeness of this poem. It is like if you breathe in, by the time you are ready to exhale SOMETHING will happen. Do you want a return of the same or maybe it will be the same but.... a different ending. Can I be hopeful? Can I hold my breathe and get what I want? The description of the storm plays out the ups and downs and turbulence of your feelings. good one

[Tai Ryens]

Thanks for stopping by, I really enjoyed reading your review!

[micky]

I love this poem its intensity gave me chills on my spine you are a great writer ;)

[Tai Ryens]

Thank you for stopping by, micky.

[RAOrourke]

like the foggy memory of a
moment past,
where I can recall only the clouds
drifting amid the rustic skies above...very nicely written, I enjoyed the imagery that comes to me as I read your words.

[Tai Ryens]

Thank you for stopping by.

[Baby Ricochet]

Some great imagery and metaphors here Tai. Just keep writing and the writer's block Gremlin will hobble away, eventually.

[Tai Ryens]

I hope so, thank you.

[Thea]

Very haunting. I can totally feel the loss in this poem, the longing that seems to burn the pure flesh of desire and passion. I liked how your words flow. So flawless. Simple yet exquisite. Great work, Tai. :)

[Tai Ryens]

Ah, thank you, Thrinna! Always a pleasure to hear from you.

[stars are far]

That was very amazing work, i enjoyed this ,it was very catching.
well done

[Tai Ryens]

Thank you Stars.