A Story by Sarah

"So that's it huh? A little s****y problem and you want out? 

That's life, what did you think this was? Heaven? A place where you can get what you want when you want it without any struggle? There are worst case scenarios than this. You think there has to be a reason why you're like this, but there are none, you're no special snowflake, and no you're not going to become the next Van Gogh and swallow yellow paint to feel happier. Myth or not, I know you would love to do that, so you can feel like an artist with a cause, so maybe people will talk about you and create legends about you. It's all you want isn't it? Attention from other people. All the lies you told to yourself, and you believed in them like a fool. You can't accept the fact that you're weak and you're in need of love, you cannot accept that fact because it will make you part of the "others". You are the others, it's all you've ever been since birth. You want love, you want attention, you want money, you want glory and fame. You're no better than anybody else in this world. You're no good, no bad, stop pretending like you could save this world if you wanted. If you had the courage, the charisma, the confidence for public speaking. You have nothing according to yourself, you are nothing and have nothing, yet you lie to yourself. You put on a mask and pretend you're better, you're special, God has a special plan to make you a "legend". Why are you so obsessed with that? Why do you pretend you didn't take this painting class with the idea in the back of your mind that you will become the next Picasso. So you can make a fortune out of your canvas. Pathetic, and then you go on with your day and act like you never cared about money, all you care about is kindness. What a bunch of crap, you're human just like any of us in this planet, you want money, you want glory you want fame and attention, and you'd be willing to do bad to get to that place. You are capable of evil and good. You're not born good, you're not born evil, you're not special. Stop thinking you're special, stop thinking God owes you a plan. Let me tell you what your plan is little b***h. To live. That's what he had planned for you and you bitching about how much struggle you have in your life?! Did you think this was heaven? Have you watched the news? Have you read books about the holocaust? What about the trillions of dead souls who've felt immense pain? Why would you have it any other way? Because you're special. Right. You're no special, you're no different from anyone. You're not going to have a wikipedia page one day, you're not going to be anything important, you're not going to break a record, you're not going to be a great guitarist or a great singer. People won't like you, you have  a chance to not be happy in this life but it'll be greater if you think life owes you something. Let me tell you life doesn't owe you s**t. You owe life your dedication and attention. Life deserves all of your investments, be it, money wise or from you! It deserves power, it deserves to be listened to, to be taken care of. This life isn't about you. It's always about you, you you you you. "What about me? What about my happiness? What about all my pain? What about my desires?". This isn't about you, get off your high horse princess. This life isn't even yours. Go ahead, do whatever you want with it, kill yourself even. It'll make no difference, not really. And that is why life owes you nothing, because your life is nothing in the eyes of life. It wants nothing from you, and you should want nothing from it. All it truly wants is to have you here, as a part of life, as a part of the living world that you're apart of. You are a particule made out of stardust. You're no different from ants, or dust. Get off your high horse. "

© 2017 Sarah

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Added on February 2, 2017
Last Updated on February 2, 2017
Tags: mental illnes, inner struggle, depression, feelings, negativity, courage, bold, fight, motivation



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A Poem by Sarah

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A Poem by Sarah