lucky star

The darkness is out and the star shines so bright

My thoughts are on you on this cold lonely night

I can't stop but think about all the good things 

Making us who we are

The thought that we share the bad and despair Is something to hold on to tight

As I watch you sleep as well as breath I know you're my lucky star.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

Brilliant sound work and musicality that grabs at the senses right up to that kicker of a last line!! What might really throw it over the top (if I may be so bold) is, first, bring down the "Is.....tight" one line (as I can clearly see it's meant to be on a new line), but more importantly, and this is for you to consider as a poet, I'm merely suggesting it as I feel it may up the ante on the power and meaning of the poem:

"As I watch you sleep as well as *I breathe....." (think about it. No pressure to actually follow through with it)

This is a fantastic piece overall. Well done!! Much enjoyed.

[Derek Barnes]

Love that last line. Brilliant work!

[laurab]

thank you it's not often that I write poems but when I do they seem to come easy to me and just flow

[Derek Barnes]

Same with me! I understand