Amshel and Van Kerak, the Dwarven Spellsword Twins

Two disfunctional brothers in an adventure to catch some thief for the reward on his head.

Van: "What are you reading?"
Amshel: "This? oh, I found this at the local library, it's called Ancient Lore of Modern Language Mechanics, pretty good book."
Van: "The what? That doesn't make any sense."
Amshel: "It makes sense in its own context."
Van: "Eh... that's... well... hell no!"
Amshel: "Weren't you going to inform me about what you found out?"
Van: "Alright, whatever, that innkeeper named Lars said that Mike was staying at his lodge until yesterday, apparently he was headed for the neighbor town of Figaro, if we hurry up we might be able to catch up with him."
Amshel: "Well, sounds like a nice lead, but this Lars guy, is he reliable?"
Van: "How am I supposed to know?"
Amshel: "Uh... thanks, that's definitely what I needed to hear."
Van: "You sure do, get up already, we're heading to Figaro right away."
Amshel: "Wait."
Van: "What for?"
Amshel: "I'm still reading."
Van: "Hate you."

The travel itself was quite peaceful, advancing through a brown road (yeah, regular dirt road, nothing special), strangely not infested by thugs, kobolds, skeletons, hobgoblins, orcs, or whatever silly creature that always appears when you travel around in games. There wasn't anything unusual around either, no chests, no gems under rocks, no caves, not one trap or detour, no animals like wolves, bears or spiders, no demonic or celestail beings, heck not even people, no nothing, just a boring regular trip... yeah they do exist, it's not a lie.

Van: "Good, we're at Figaro, let's spread out and look for information on Mike."
Amshel: "Alright, go to your pub or whatever, I'll be at the bookstore."
Van: "Bookstore!? Why the bookstore? I don't think that asking around the bookstore is going to help us find Mike, it's not the kind of place where you find thieves."
Amshel: "Three reasons: 1) I want to see the books at the bookstore, they might have some good ones. 2) Given the fact that it's unlikely to find a thief in a bookstore, my chances of actually meeting him alone and engage him are much lower than yours, therefore, I'm safer there. 3) You'll know where to find me when you find him.
Van: "..."
Amshel: "Get going already, if you waste time he could leave the town and we might lose track of him."
Van: "Thanks for your great support, it's always a relief to know how much you care about me."
Amshel: "See ya then."
Van: "Hate you."

Five hours later, Van enters the bookstore...

Van: "So, what are you reading this time?"
Amshel: "Oh, this one's pretty interesting, it's about crap."
Van: "You don't say."
Amshel: "Apparently our solid wastes can be pretty useful materials for several things, even as spell ingredients to some magic like..."
Van: "-Look! I don't want to know, forget about your lovely crap, I've found a lead to Mike."
Amshel: "Care to share the lead?"
Van: "I heard that he's meeting smugglers at the 4th street after sunset."
Amshel: "Good, we can trap them against the city walls, they'll have nowhere to escape on such a dark alley."
Van: "You're pretending to stay here reading about crap until sunset aren't you?"
Amshel: "I wonder, why do you make questions if you already know the answers? if the plan is ready then just proceed as usual."
Van: "Hate you."

It's sunset, and when the last ray of light dissapears from the horizon, marking nightime, Van and Amshel are already positioned to trap their target. Shadow figures whisper at the end of the dark alley, since their target named Mike is most probably there, both of them get ready to fight, wielding their flaming weapons, the fire emanating from the blades attracts the attention of the shadow figures hiding on the dark alley.

Mike: "Gentlemen, it looks like we have some rather... unexpected guests, heh heh."
Van: "That's right smart head, surrender or die."
Mike: "Surrender? now that's a pretty mean thing to say, and very rash I might add, considering your... disadvantageous... position... guys!"

The door of a house behind Van and Amshel opens, from where seven armed thugs come out, blocking the street.

Amshel: "An ambush? but how...?"
Mike: "I wouldn't be the renowned smuggler I am without some influences and knowledge. I know the Flaming Fist is after my head since a while ago, and was expecting some mercenaries coming in for me, it's just a matter of laying down enough cheese for the mice to pick the trap, people in this town would kill their mother for a nickel, scouts are pretty useful as well."
Amshel: "There are seven on the back, leave them to me, you take the five on the front."
Thug: "Sir, I think I've heard about this guys, dwarves in red cloaks wielding flaming weapons, must be the Kerak Twins, they're good sir."
Mike: "No problem, I'll become even more famous by killing other famous fellas, no matter who they are, two persons can't beat twelve, it's simple math."
Van: "Perhaps you need to count again, come forth Furball, we've got friends."
Amshel: "Arise, Dandellion."

Suddenly a red werewolf and an enormous golem appeared in fron of them, summoned familiars.

Amshel: "Greet my friend Dandellion, he's one of a kind, a rare Titanium Golem."
Van: "And this is my Furball, a Ruby Werewolf, as you can see."
Amshel: "We don't have more time for useless chit-chat, Mass Haste!"
Mike: "This guys are for real, kill them now, team C, attack now!"

Three archers show up on the third floor balcony of a house on the left, shooting at Van with great aim. Van was unable to dodge such a surprise attack, but managed to cover the arrows with a single arm, getting more angry than wounded.

Van: "Damn it, Disintegration!"

The balcony gets destroyed in a second, throwing the archers to the ground from the third floor, where even if it's not such a deadly height to fall from, it was enough to knock them down for a moment, falling prey to Van's wrath.

The battle itself finished rather quickly, the swords of the seven thugs in the back simply bounced against Dandellion's titanium body, he alone defeated all seven of them easily, considering he can knock down people with a single hit out of those fists bigger than their skulls, describing their smashed remains is rather ugly. Amshel prepared roasted thug out of the other four guys, Furball had a delicious feast.

Mike: "Wait, wait, stop it, don't kill me! please, I surrender, I'll do anything."
Van: "Time for surrendering was over fourteen heads ago."
[Slash]
[Burns]
Amshel: "Don't burn the body too much now, we need it to claim the bounty."
Van: "But Furball is still hungry."
Amshel: "You can feed him later, we need Mike's head at least. Let's get going."
Van: "Hey, I'm wounded you know, I recieved three arrows just now, we could at least wait a moment to recover."
Amshel: "Well, the book I was reading said that crap also helps to close wounds such as those, wanna try?"

Van: "Hate you."

Author's Note

A story I whipped up a few years back on my days when I posted at the Neverwinter Nights forums. Its mainly set on Forgotten Realms world with a few twists for fun.