Vices

I often wonder if you would engage
in certain behaviors
if you had the chance
to dabble in the blissful favor
of a break after a long day,
or would you come in with mother
from another night of working
and pour a glass of death
to share with her?
Would you be so self destructive,
to lift a match to your face,
absently waste
the purity of your breath.
Give up what was left
of the short time to live
to drink and be wild
to be too numb to forgive.
If you knew your time
would be so unjustly cut short
would you be a man of risks
to gamble the sort
of life that we treasured
so fiercely.
And it's unfair to ask of you
what could have been
and what would have been
but I wonder because
I love you
and the thought of losing
you
early, again
breaks my heart
as it has
time and time already.
Would you be so careless
to ride on two wheels
and barely make it home
without a few scratches or burns.
Would you jump from planes
and cheat in games
at bars with your friends
and laugh until the end
of the night
then stumble on home
after the sky
and the road
and you fight.
If you could see
me and your son
would you be able to look at us
and bring that poison
up to your lips
and know that every move
you make
slowly takes you away
from us?
What vices would we share
and what ideas would you give me
if you were here and not there,
if you could see me
today what would you have to say
for yourself
and the life you could have had
with us.
Would you give away
the last of it
to smoke and drink
and laugh at
the idea of mortality
as it slowly
took you away from us..
What vices would be worth your time?